Well, I've reached the next step in my grad school journey which is hauling ass across the country to the sunshiny state of California. This is where things get interesting. Why? Well, I have no job and school starts in September. So that's about 5 months of figuring ish out. Of course, the first thing I'm doing is getting a job. Somewhere that can allow me to pay my rent and hopefully be flexible enough to let me go to school. Positive thinking starts now.
It's funny I was thinking about (of all things) the fact that I'm not a strong swimmer. Not in the sense that I can't swim, but I have a hard time treading water. When I think about my life, it kind of makes sense. Right now, I feel like I have to tread water until school starts - which like I said, is not my strong suit. Let's hope I start swimming again real soon! Scratch that . . . I WILL start swimming soon! Failure is NOT an option.
:-)
Friday, April 5, 2013
Monday, March 4, 2013
God is GOOD!!!! USC Update
After months of sweating, pulling my hair out and fighting off negativity like a ninja . . . drum roll please . . . I have been accepted into the Peter Stark Producing Program at the University of Southern California. So not only did I get accepted, but I was accepted by one of the most competitive programs at the school. I can't wait to start buying up the paraphernalia. As you know, this journey was not easy. In fact, it was hella hard. I had to put up with a lot of craziness and just hope that the outcome would end up like this.
It took 3 years, but I'm finally able to look back on my life and actually see all of the connections that have lead me to this moment. Hindsight is truly 20/20 and to say that God didn't play a part in the way my life has went would be straight up cray.
Here's my story in a 4 year radius. See if you can connect the dots.
2009 - I'd been applying to every editing job on the planet, but couldn't seem to get any work outside of the news station that I'd been at since I graduated college. It was my dream to work in entertainment TV/Film but figured I needed to work in media in whatever capacity I could - which happened to be news so that's the only kind of jobs I applied to.
2010 - I quit my job of 6 years at said news station. I was making good money but working a low level, soul draining job that I couldn't seem to get out of and despite all of my experience and high level references, I couldn't get a job anywhere else. So I moved to Japan out of frustration, wanderlust and anger. I met A LOT of really cool people from around the U.S. (mainly CA), bonded with them and kept in touch.
2011 - Still working in Japan. Huge natural disaster. Left Japan. Came home and couldn't find a job. I felt like I was back at square one, but it was worst because this time I wasn't stuck working for a news station - I had nothing. I spent a ton of money going to networking events and applying to more news jobs and ended up with nothing. I went into a depression and decided never to apply to another news job again.
2012 - Started working on my own comedic web series as a way to "put myself out there." Also started playing with the idea of going to grad school after I hit up Google and started researching all of my favorite movie producers and film directors. Decided I would focus on applying to only 1 school and chose USC (after literally doing about 5 minutes of research) because I knew I wanted to move to CA and be closer to my friends that I met in Japan. Also, LA IS Hollywood, the movie capital of the world…duh! Got a job at LensCrafters while I worked on my web series and started studying for the GRE's. Flew to CA to visit my friends and took a tour of the Cinematic Arts Department. Came back and applied. Got accepted onto a waiting list. Doubled up the next semester and reapplied to 2 programs.
2013 - Made plans to move to CA regardless of whether I was accepted or not. Set the date and gave my notice to LC. Found out I was accepted to my dream program and here I am. :-)
The story takes a lot of twists but there are a few things that I'd like to mention. When I took my initial tour of USC with my friend in California, she was adamant about my applying to the Peter Stark Producing program. I was a little reluctant because I knew they only accepted 25 people per year. Also, I knew that the Production program accepted like 60 people twice a year and that taking the GRE's wasn't a requirement so although I wanted very much to apply to the Peter Stark Producing program and it seemed to be right up my alley . . . I initially applied to the Production program that year. I studied for and took the GRE's anyway (just in case.) When winter came around and I found out I was accepted onto the Spring semester wait list for Production, I was still hopeful but decided to double up and at least apply to the Peter Stark Producing program. Hell, I'd taken the GRE's . . . so why not? Right? So I did that and hoped for the best, although I can't really say I was on pins and needles. I didn't even get a chance to do the first interview because the wait list was so long. (I think I was person #303 or something). Either way, I waited and waited and waited.
And this is when the negativity started to drift in. People forgot that I was applying to grad school and just assumed that I didn't get in. Others intimated that I was holding onto a dream and needed to snap out of it. Some folks felt I was being unrealistic and should just focus on getting a job in CA. I started to actually put more focus into Plan B at this point.
Then . . . the email. They wanted an interview! It wasn't the Production program, though. It was the Peter Stark program. The one that I'd sent my paperwork, GRE scores and essays to without putting my heart into it because I didn't want to risk the disappointment. I was so in love with this program that I couldn't bear the thought of looking at it too hard for fear of being rejected. So I did what I was supposed to do and backed away, emotionally. And I STILL got in!!!
One thing that my S.O. always says is that once you tell people your dreams, you have to be willing to defend them. And he is sooooo right!!! I have never had to explain, defend and convince people of something so hard in my life. People couldn't believe that I'd picked only one school and had plans of moving across the country to go there. "What if you don't get in?" "How are you going to pay for school?" "What if you don't get in?" "You only applied to ONE school?" "Just one?" "What if you don't get in?" I didn't really have an answer for the "What if you don't get in?" question, because I wasn't counting on NOT getting in.
I read a Will Smith quote that said, "There's no reason to have a Plan B because it distracts from Plan A" and that was exactly how I felt. There is no "what if?" My fear was, what if I DO get in and I'm not prepared for that. Either way, it was really hard looking people in the eye and telling them that I'd put it all on the line. It was one of the most vulnerable feelings I'd ever had. But the payoff was soooo worth it!!!
God knew what the deal was! 6 more months, baby!!!
USC bound!
It took 3 years, but I'm finally able to look back on my life and actually see all of the connections that have lead me to this moment. Hindsight is truly 20/20 and to say that God didn't play a part in the way my life has went would be straight up cray.
Here's my story in a 4 year radius. See if you can connect the dots.
2009 - I'd been applying to every editing job on the planet, but couldn't seem to get any work outside of the news station that I'd been at since I graduated college. It was my dream to work in entertainment TV/Film but figured I needed to work in media in whatever capacity I could - which happened to be news so that's the only kind of jobs I applied to.
2010 - I quit my job of 6 years at said news station. I was making good money but working a low level, soul draining job that I couldn't seem to get out of and despite all of my experience and high level references, I couldn't get a job anywhere else. So I moved to Japan out of frustration, wanderlust and anger. I met A LOT of really cool people from around the U.S. (mainly CA), bonded with them and kept in touch.
2011 - Still working in Japan. Huge natural disaster. Left Japan. Came home and couldn't find a job. I felt like I was back at square one, but it was worst because this time I wasn't stuck working for a news station - I had nothing. I spent a ton of money going to networking events and applying to more news jobs and ended up with nothing. I went into a depression and decided never to apply to another news job again.
2012 - Started working on my own comedic web series as a way to "put myself out there." Also started playing with the idea of going to grad school after I hit up Google and started researching all of my favorite movie producers and film directors. Decided I would focus on applying to only 1 school and chose USC (after literally doing about 5 minutes of research) because I knew I wanted to move to CA and be closer to my friends that I met in Japan. Also, LA IS Hollywood, the movie capital of the world…duh! Got a job at LensCrafters while I worked on my web series and started studying for the GRE's. Flew to CA to visit my friends and took a tour of the Cinematic Arts Department. Came back and applied. Got accepted onto a waiting list. Doubled up the next semester and reapplied to 2 programs.
2013 - Made plans to move to CA regardless of whether I was accepted or not. Set the date and gave my notice to LC. Found out I was accepted to my dream program and here I am. :-)
The story takes a lot of twists but there are a few things that I'd like to mention. When I took my initial tour of USC with my friend in California, she was adamant about my applying to the Peter Stark Producing program. I was a little reluctant because I knew they only accepted 25 people per year. Also, I knew that the Production program accepted like 60 people twice a year and that taking the GRE's wasn't a requirement so although I wanted very much to apply to the Peter Stark Producing program and it seemed to be right up my alley . . . I initially applied to the Production program that year. I studied for and took the GRE's anyway (just in case.) When winter came around and I found out I was accepted onto the Spring semester wait list for Production, I was still hopeful but decided to double up and at least apply to the Peter Stark Producing program. Hell, I'd taken the GRE's . . . so why not? Right? So I did that and hoped for the best, although I can't really say I was on pins and needles. I didn't even get a chance to do the first interview because the wait list was so long. (I think I was person #303 or something). Either way, I waited and waited and waited.
And this is when the negativity started to drift in. People forgot that I was applying to grad school and just assumed that I didn't get in. Others intimated that I was holding onto a dream and needed to snap out of it. Some folks felt I was being unrealistic and should just focus on getting a job in CA. I started to actually put more focus into Plan B at this point.
Then . . . the email. They wanted an interview! It wasn't the Production program, though. It was the Peter Stark program. The one that I'd sent my paperwork, GRE scores and essays to without putting my heart into it because I didn't want to risk the disappointment. I was so in love with this program that I couldn't bear the thought of looking at it too hard for fear of being rejected. So I did what I was supposed to do and backed away, emotionally. And I STILL got in!!!
One thing that my S.O. always says is that once you tell people your dreams, you have to be willing to defend them. And he is sooooo right!!! I have never had to explain, defend and convince people of something so hard in my life. People couldn't believe that I'd picked only one school and had plans of moving across the country to go there. "What if you don't get in?" "How are you going to pay for school?" "What if you don't get in?" "You only applied to ONE school?" "Just one?" "What if you don't get in?" I didn't really have an answer for the "What if you don't get in?" question, because I wasn't counting on NOT getting in.
I read a Will Smith quote that said, "There's no reason to have a Plan B because it distracts from Plan A" and that was exactly how I felt. There is no "what if?" My fear was, what if I DO get in and I'm not prepared for that. Either way, it was really hard looking people in the eye and telling them that I'd put it all on the line. It was one of the most vulnerable feelings I'd ever had. But the payoff was soooo worth it!!!
God knew what the deal was! 6 more months, baby!!!
USC bound!
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Watch This!!!
Please watch the trailer for my new comedy web series! It's funny, delightful and stars two very talented ladies.
Enjoy!
Enjoy!
Friday, December 21, 2012
When Does It Stop?
I have always hated being poor. Growing up in the housing projects, going shopping at Salvation Army, waiting in the welfare line, using food stamps, depending on child support from my semi deadbeat dad - all of these scenarios were things that I couldn't wait to distance myself from when I became a grown up. When I went to college, I had to work part-time in order to pay for everything that wasn't covered by scholarship or loans. I'm not saying I had a bad childhood or anything, I'm just saying that sh** wasn't always easy - hell, nothing was easy.
So yeah, we've established that I hate/hated being poor. With that said, sometimes I wonder if I am the only one in my family that feels this way. I find that I am always lending money to my family. Every other week, I am receiving a text from my mom asking for money. It started years and years ago when I got my first job out of college. I would chip in and pay for rent. It was my first job making real money and I was happy to help because as long as I could remember, my family was struggling. Unfortunately, around that time, my sister had just had her first baby. After that, I lent my mother/sis who were living together a large sum of money. Since then it's been a few hundred here and there every couple months. Between this time I have been working different jobs and sometimes not working at all and now I'm working again. But the only thing that never seems to change is the "crisis" that my family is constantly in.
As I type this, I feel guilty because how do you say to the person that raised you, "Why can't you get it together?" She raised me to be the goal oriented, strong-minded person that I am. I owe my work ethic and sense of morality to my mother. It is because of her that I am NOT a hooker/drug addict walking the streets because I had no one that loved me at home. I was shown a huge amount of love and support from my mother and I know for a fact that she would not and did not hesitate to provide for my sisters and I. But after years of lending money here and there and listening to my mother's struggles as well as my sisters, I can't help but to wonder why everybody else is in such a jacked up situation.
Well, actually I lied. I have an idea as to why. My sisters have made a lot of really bad decisions leading them to situations in life that are hard to escape without some kind of tragedy. So they are stuck. And if they wanted to "get out" of the hole they've dug themselves into, they're going to have to make sacrifices that they aren't willing to make. My mother, on the other hand had a really messed up childhood that caused her to make a lot of bad decisions that continue to affect her life and health to this day. So I guess that's it. I have a dysfunctional family. I'm sure that this doesn't make me different from a good 99% of folks in the world because every family has its problems but there just doesn't seem to be an easy way out.
I've explored the options in my mind. I was telling my one sister that we need to have an airing of grievances one day. Just gather the whole family and have a conversation about what's really going on with everyone. I plan to tell them about my goals and ask them what their goals are. I want to know that there is a light at the end of this tunnel of despair. But sometimes I think they don't realize that it's despair. I called my mom up yesterday and asked her what's going on? She said, "Nothing. Why?" as nonchalant as could be. I told her that she'd asked for money again and I'm wondering if everything is okay. She told me that of course everything is okay and she just wanted some spending money to get her through the weeks until she got paid again because she doesn't have anything in the bank right now. What kind of pissed me off about that is the fact that she didn't even understand that this was a problem. It seemed like she didn't understand that this wasn't normal. It's as if all of the years of living hand to mouth has left her feeling like having absolutely nothing is just a minor inconvenience that everyone faces. I told her that I want everyone to be okay and if she's asking for money, that means that she's not okay and that things are not okay. She said that I was over thinking it. I know that my mother feels guilty about always having to ask me for money. She said that she plans on paying me and my fiancee back one day. I told her don't bother, just get herself together so she doesn't have to ask in the future. She says, she'd rather just pay us back. I didn't get it (and I still don't) but if that's what makes her feel better, then fine.
It's just that at that moment, I wanted her to think about the constant asking. I wanted her to know that I am a person, not a bank. I have things I have to pay for and save up for. I have goals and plans that I am continuing to make sacrifices to achieve. I understand that things are hard but she has to show me that she is at least trying. She has to come up with a plan and actually stick to it long enough to see it through. My man-friend knows my mother's checking account number - that's how much money we put into her account on a regular basis. There is nothing nonchalant or normal about that. At some point, there's got to be some progress.
One thing that my man-friend says is, "You're always going to have problems. There's no escaping that. The objective is to improve the quality of your problems." And I agree with him. I would like to see an improvement in the quality of my family's problems. My sister doesn't make enough money to pay for child care yet she works a job that is an hour away from her home (and that's not accounting for traffic) while driving a gas guzzling car. There are a ton of sacrifices that she can make, but she is choosing not to make them and putting my mom in a situation that leaves her without a lot of freedom because she has to take care of my niece. All of these things are things that need to be addressed. I just have no idea how to address them without causing anger/hostility/tension in my family.
I guess that's a sacrifice that I'm not willing to make.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Connecticut
So saddened by these events. As you can see, it's taken me a few days to even work up the energy to write anything about the Connecticut school shooting. It's hard for me to see or hear about anything horrible happening to a child and to be honest, I haven't really thought about what has happened in detail because I can barely wrap my brain around it. My prayers go out to everyone involved and I hope that the families and friends of those who were lost to this tragedy can find the inner strength to move forward. When something like this happens you can't help but to start thinking about how it could have been prevented. I think about it quite a bit, but in my opinion, Americans will continue to see these types of tragedies if we don't change our thinking on violence, guns and the mentally unstable.
My opinion . . .
Violence - Is glorified everywhere. The news, TV shows, movies. We treat murderers like super villains and the excessive media coverage makes it appealing for a psychopath to seek notoriety through taking their crimes to the next level. Anything for the attention that seems to be guaranteed.
Guns - Should not be accessible to any and everybody. Period. It shouldn't be as easy as it is to be the victim of gun violence. Most people couldn't be trusted with a pocket knife much less a gun. And there have been so many studies that have proven that just touching a gun makes people more violent. Why are we not understanding that? Why are the lives of everyday people in the hands of other everyday people?
Mentally unstable - Should be profiled and watched. Violent threats and violent people should be taken more seriously/ monitored closely. Muslims are profiled, black men are profiled, Hispanics are profiled . . . but the people that commit these mass murders are not? I think it's time to stop being racially insensitive when it's convenient and start focusing on the profiles of the people who are committing these kind of crimes. And we all know the profile.
So that's it. I don't mean to offend anyone because I understand that the world can be a dangerous place, but as a country we can't blame anyone but ourselves for these types of things. Violence is not something that can be confined to "certain" neighborhoods and if it is allowed to exist anywhere, it exists everywhere. We've got to do different. And if we don't start to change the way we do things in this country, then all of the innocent people that have died through senseless gun violence have died in vain.
Just my thoughts.
Wicked Games
Watching music videos the other day I came across the song Wicked Games by The Weeknd. I love the sound of the song and I think the video is really artistic and unique - and the production looks surprisingly simple. When it gets down to it, however, I am a lyric person because I want to know exactly what I'm singing. So I'm listening to this song and not getting it at all. It sounds dark and twisted as hell. Definitely not a "happy" song. So I looked it up. Here are the lyrics.
I left my girl back home
I don't love her no more
And she'll never fucking know that
These fucking eyes that I'm staring at
Let me see that ass
Look at all this cash
And I emptied out my cards to her
Now I'm fucking leaning on that
Bring your love baby I could bring my shame
Bring the drugs baby I could bring my pain
I got my heart right here
I got my scars right here
Bring the cups baby I could bring the drank
Bring your body baby I could bring you fame
And that's my motherf*cking words too
Just let me motherf*cking love you
Listen ma I'll give you all I got
Get me off of this
I need confidence in myself
Listen ma I'l give you all of me
Give me all of it
I need all of it to myself
So tell me you love me
Only for tonight
Only for one night
Even though you don't love me
Just tell me you love me
I'll give you what I need
I'll give you all of me
Even though you don't love me
Let me see you dance
I love to watch you dance
Take you down another level
And get you dancing with the devil
Take a shot of this
But I'm warning you
I'm on that shit you can't smell baby
So put down your perfume
Bring you love baby I could bring my shame
Bring the drugs baby I could bring my pain
I got my heart right here
I got muy scars right here
Bring the cups baby I could bring the drank
Bring your body baby I could bring you fame
And that's my motherf*cking word too
So let me motherf*cking love you
Listen ma I'll give you all I got
Get me off of this
I need confidence in myself
Listen ma I'll give you all of me
Give me all of it
I need all of it to myself
So tell me you love me
Only for tonight
Only for one night
Even though you don't love me
Juste tell me you love me
I'll give you what I need
I'll give you all of me
Even though you don't love me
It seems like lyrics have been getting more artistic lately. Anywho, I'm thinking the song is like a confessional. He's pretty-much singing about the things that 99.9% of basic rappers rap about - strippers, getting drunk/high, debauchery, what-have-you. But throughout the song he's confessing the vulnerability that someone in that lifestyle has. "Bring your love baby, I could bring my shame." "Even though you don't love me, just tell me you love me." "I need confidence in myself."
These are not things that a man sitting up in the King of Diamonds would openly shout at a stripper. (Or maybe they do. I don't know - I don't strip . . . in public.) Regardless, that just popped into my mind and I thought I'd share that with the world. What are your thoughts on the lyrics to this song?
Thursday, December 13, 2012
My Diet
So I am again on a diet. It all started after my Facebook creeping. I deactivated my page a month ago so I could concentrate on applying to grad school, but after submitting my app last month, I've been slowly getting back on. Well, lately, I've noticed my cousin with a body of steel. She's been taking a million pictures looking intensely at the camera with bulging biceps and a rock hard six pack. All of her posts are about getting fit and she documents her visits to the gym along with unfortunate members of my family who are apparently being dragged along by her at 6am in the morning. There's this guy that comments on all of her posts like, "Go hard or go home!" and stuff like that. The posts have been getting more intense as the months go on and it cracks me up, but I'm not going to lie - I want that six pack. I want it bad. Reeeal bad!!!
A couple weeks ago I worked a black tie dinner and asked one of my best friends to come along and volunteer. I had to squeeze some spanks on so I could get into my dress without looking like a sausage and I noticed that my friend was looking a little thick as well. We've known each other for a long time (about 11 years) and she's always been a really slim girl - actually, we've both always been slim. So she was telling me that she's trying to lose some weight and being that my friend is a Type A personality, when she says she's going to do something, she always has some elaborate plan set up to get it done. So I said, "Cool! I want to lose weight too! What's the plan? Let's work together." Although, she was nice about it - she gave me a "You're on your own partner" kind of reply. "I'm going to just talk to my dietician and he's probably going to put me on a low carb regimen. And I'll also hit up the gym."
Me - "Oh." (air completely deflated from my balloon.) (Also thinking to myself, a dietician? Well excuuuuuuuse me!)
So at that point, I decided to use the knowledge I'd acquired over the years and make my diet up. So my diet at this point consists of counting calories and sticking to a diet high on protein and fiber, eating more fruit and veggies than meat and the only meat I'm eating is chicken and fish. I heard that losing weight is 80% diet and 20% exercise. So I've greatly decreased my calorie intake while also increasing the amount of times I eat per day. I've been eating every three hours starting at 6:30am.
So that's 6:30am
9:30am
12:30pm
3:30pm
6:30pm
And maybe 9:30pm if I get hungry.
Also, I'm hitting the gym everyday and doing as many sit-ups as my stomach will allow along with some cardio and a whole lot of calisthenics and weight lifting. I'm sitting here as sore as can be but something funny is happening. I am not as hungry as I thought I'd be. AND one thing that I never could have imagined is on my side. My laziness. You see, even when I am hungry - I don't have the willpower to get up and cook a healthy meal so I just sit and snack on almonds and drink a ton of water. Either way, the weight is not exactly melting off but the muscle is definitely starting to reveal itself a little so that works for me, I guess. I do crave cakes and pies but I want that six pack more - so we'll see which one wins out.
All right, that's all I got. G'nite!!!
A couple weeks ago I worked a black tie dinner and asked one of my best friends to come along and volunteer. I had to squeeze some spanks on so I could get into my dress without looking like a sausage and I noticed that my friend was looking a little thick as well. We've known each other for a long time (about 11 years) and she's always been a really slim girl - actually, we've both always been slim. So she was telling me that she's trying to lose some weight and being that my friend is a Type A personality, when she says she's going to do something, she always has some elaborate plan set up to get it done. So I said, "Cool! I want to lose weight too! What's the plan? Let's work together." Although, she was nice about it - she gave me a "You're on your own partner" kind of reply. "I'm going to just talk to my dietician and he's probably going to put me on a low carb regimen. And I'll also hit up the gym."
Me - "Oh." (air completely deflated from my balloon.) (Also thinking to myself, a dietician? Well excuuuuuuuse me!)
So at that point, I decided to use the knowledge I'd acquired over the years and make my diet up. So my diet at this point consists of counting calories and sticking to a diet high on protein and fiber, eating more fruit and veggies than meat and the only meat I'm eating is chicken and fish. I heard that losing weight is 80% diet and 20% exercise. So I've greatly decreased my calorie intake while also increasing the amount of times I eat per day. I've been eating every three hours starting at 6:30am.
So that's 6:30am
9:30am
12:30pm
3:30pm
6:30pm
And maybe 9:30pm if I get hungry.
Also, I'm hitting the gym everyday and doing as many sit-ups as my stomach will allow along with some cardio and a whole lot of calisthenics and weight lifting. I'm sitting here as sore as can be but something funny is happening. I am not as hungry as I thought I'd be. AND one thing that I never could have imagined is on my side. My laziness. You see, even when I am hungry - I don't have the willpower to get up and cook a healthy meal so I just sit and snack on almonds and drink a ton of water. Either way, the weight is not exactly melting off but the muscle is definitely starting to reveal itself a little so that works for me, I guess. I do crave cakes and pies but I want that six pack more - so we'll see which one wins out.
All right, that's all I got. G'nite!!!
I Need a PR Person
I need to get into this writing thing. Ughhhhh!!!! Seriously! What's the damn bloodclot?!
Now that that's out of the way . . . lately I've been feeling in a rush. The whole moving across the country thing is starting to get to me. Nightmares about going back to school and taking a big test are starting up again along with the nightmare of being in a car that has no breaks. The nightmare of running down a highway at night. Just nothing but dreams filled with panic and confusion.
Me and the man-friend have decided that March is going to be THE month. All or nothing, baby! The main thing is getting a job. I'll be damned if I'm going to work at a mall again - on purpose. I'm hitting the ground running when I get there and the plan is to land something in my field. I'm feeling quite behind when it comes to modern technology, however. I don't have a million facebook friends. I don't have a million twitter followers. I don't instagram. I guess I don't find my life so interesting that I feel the need to share it with the world - says the girl who is blogging. I guess what I mean is that all of those social networking sites are made for people who are promoting themselves in some sense or another and I don't have anything to promote right now. Currently, I work at the mall in a job that is not in my field at all. My relationship with my fiancee is very VERY low-key/under the radar. I'm busy all the time and when I'm not busy, I watch movies or sleep. Social networking is not really at my top of the list of things to do. But I feel like jobs are looking for people who are interesting and have a huge cyber following. The one thing that's in my corner is that I will be releasing my new web series soon so . . . yeah! That takes up a lot of my time and I hope that the investment pays off. Actually, that's a huge accomplishment. *pats self on back*
So, I was at the gym the other day lifting weights and an old R&B song came on (something cheezy and greasy like Lisa Lisa Cult Jam or a Shalamar song) and I smiled to myself for a second, just taking it all in. And then my stomach dropped. And this just goes to show you how random my train of thoughts are - I thought to myself, "Crap! Jobs are not looking for weirdos like me." Don't worry, I'll explain the connection. Nowadays it's not enough to just be AT the gym. You have to take a picture of yourself at the gym and put it on FB, Instagram, Twitter and whatever else there is along with a caption that says "Getting my fitness on" or some sh** and of course with a hashtag #fitLife or #HealthLifestyle etc. And if you are listening to an 80's song, you of course have to mention that you are listening to the song in an "ironic" kind of way, as if it just happens to be on - not because you genuinely enjoy it and it's on your iPod because that is the kind of music you listen to by choice. For some odd reason, I felt very f*cked in that split second of a moment. Like I need a PR person. #MyLifeShouldBeCooler
Am I overreacting? Lol
Now that that's out of the way . . . lately I've been feeling in a rush. The whole moving across the country thing is starting to get to me. Nightmares about going back to school and taking a big test are starting up again along with the nightmare of being in a car that has no breaks. The nightmare of running down a highway at night. Just nothing but dreams filled with panic and confusion.
Me and the man-friend have decided that March is going to be THE month. All or nothing, baby! The main thing is getting a job. I'll be damned if I'm going to work at a mall again - on purpose. I'm hitting the ground running when I get there and the plan is to land something in my field. I'm feeling quite behind when it comes to modern technology, however. I don't have a million facebook friends. I don't have a million twitter followers. I don't instagram. I guess I don't find my life so interesting that I feel the need to share it with the world - says the girl who is blogging. I guess what I mean is that all of those social networking sites are made for people who are promoting themselves in some sense or another and I don't have anything to promote right now. Currently, I work at the mall in a job that is not in my field at all. My relationship with my fiancee is very VERY low-key/under the radar. I'm busy all the time and when I'm not busy, I watch movies or sleep. Social networking is not really at my top of the list of things to do. But I feel like jobs are looking for people who are interesting and have a huge cyber following. The one thing that's in my corner is that I will be releasing my new web series soon so . . . yeah! That takes up a lot of my time and I hope that the investment pays off. Actually, that's a huge accomplishment. *pats self on back*
So, I was at the gym the other day lifting weights and an old R&B song came on (something cheezy and greasy like Lisa Lisa Cult Jam or a Shalamar song) and I smiled to myself for a second, just taking it all in. And then my stomach dropped. And this just goes to show you how random my train of thoughts are - I thought to myself, "Crap! Jobs are not looking for weirdos like me." Don't worry, I'll explain the connection. Nowadays it's not enough to just be AT the gym. You have to take a picture of yourself at the gym and put it on FB, Instagram, Twitter and whatever else there is along with a caption that says "Getting my fitness on" or some sh** and of course with a hashtag #fitLife or #HealthLifestyle etc. And if you are listening to an 80's song, you of course have to mention that you are listening to the song in an "ironic" kind of way, as if it just happens to be on - not because you genuinely enjoy it and it's on your iPod because that is the kind of music you listen to by choice. For some odd reason, I felt very f*cked in that split second of a moment. Like I need a PR person. #MyLifeShouldBeCooler
Am I overreacting? Lol
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
USC Decision
So I successfully applied to the University of Southern California (also known as USC) and have been patiently waiting since August to find out if I'm good enough to be a "Trojan." It's October and the answer has finally arrived. I am good enough . . . well, kind of. I'm on the waitlist. In other words, I'm good enough to go to their school - if their first draft picks decide to decline. But hey! That works for me!!! It's definitely better than getting a straight up no. Regardless, the suspense is killing me. Every phone call from an unidentified number, every email, every letter in the mail makes my stomach drop - just hoping that it is the admissions office letting me know that I've been accepted or rejected. Yesterday was the deadline for the draft pick students to accept or decline their invitation to attend USC. I am tempted as all hell to call the grad school right now and find out if any of those lucky bastards decided to decline. Either way, I've been told to chill out and just give it a week. So that's where I am. Just playing the waiting game. We'll see how this goes.
That's all I have in me right now! Le Sigh!
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Monday, May 7, 2012
California
So I got back from a trip to California a couple days ago. This was my first time visiting the West Coast and the experience was AMAZING! My friends really rolled out the red carpet for me and I can't wait to get back - and hopefully, move out there. I visited Southern California and stayed in the Orange County area. We crammed a ton of stuff into 5 days including going to DisneyLand, visiting the USC campus, going to Hollywood and eating a ton of food.
One of the things that surprised me the most about California is how cheap the clothes are. We went shopping and I wanted to buy everything I saw. The fashion is also really laid back and loose fitting, unlike in Philadelphia where everything is gut-bustingly tight. As far as food goes, we ate a ton of fast food. I don't know if my friends usually eat fast food every day, but I think it was because I was there and we were always on the move.
In my opinion, the food you eat is a huge part of your experience wherever you are. I'll go even further and say it pretty much defines your experience, so I'll start by giving you a run down of what I ate each day.
Day 1 - Friday
2 Wahoo Fish tacos and nachos
a ton of beer and a mixed drink
some Tasty-kake pies I brought from home
A Del Taco with Macho Nachos and Iced Tea
Day 2 - Saturday
Iced Tea
Curry from Coco Curry House
Custard Bun and bubble tea from 85 Degrees
Day 3 - Sunday
Banana pancakes and bacon
Ice cream
In and Out Burger
Day 4 - Monday
Breakfast Tacos
Chicken and Waffles
Day 5 - Tuesday
Toast from 85 Degrees
In and Out Burger
Ramen Noodles
Beer, margarita and mixed drinks
So yeah, my poor stomach was begging for some vegetables by the time I left but I was very happy. Among some of the great things I experienced (that helped me to realize that I should move to California) was going to a beach in Laguna and seeing two whales. I feel like it was a good omen because - from what I was told - it's a rarity and no one that I hung with that week had ever seen a whale until that day.
So on Monday we went to USC's campus and it was so beautiful that I became a little depressed because I realized that I NEEDED to get accepted into this school. Going to Hollywood right after brought me back to reality, however. We went to Grauman's Chinese Theater and got harassed by a bunch of map sellers, mixed tape pushers and all kinds of annoying people as well as perused a bunch of old, weird stores. The place was sad, run down and just plain boring with the only exception being a half naked dude with some kind of fur, stuffed animal hat on giving thumbs up to oncoming traffic. 0_o I guess the best way to explain it was that Hollywood was like New York City with no redeeming qualities. I mean, in NY you're definitely going to have your street pushers and all kinds of weirdos but no one's going to follow you and harass you to the extent they do in Hollywood. Also, there are at least awesome things to do like go to shows, shop at decent stores and/or eat at cafes and funky restaurants.
Amongst the many beaches there were a ton of malls and I managed to buy 3 skirts, 3 shirts, 3 pair of shoes, a ring, an iPod and a Nike pedometer. Even though everything was cheap, I was pretty broke by the time I got back. The weather was beautiful except for the last day when it was a little cloudy and chilly. But most of the time it was nice and sunny. To tell you the truth, it was a little hard to come back. But on the other hand, I was happy to get back in order to set things in motion to prepare for my move out there. I have to save as much money as possible, study for my GRE's and get this USC application in asap. The thought of going back to school scares me but it's also invigorating. I still have no idea how I did it the first time, but that's what gives me the motivation to do it again.
So there it is . . . my first trip to California. Now it's time to lose some weight.
One of the things that surprised me the most about California is how cheap the clothes are. We went shopping and I wanted to buy everything I saw. The fashion is also really laid back and loose fitting, unlike in Philadelphia where everything is gut-bustingly tight. As far as food goes, we ate a ton of fast food. I don't know if my friends usually eat fast food every day, but I think it was because I was there and we were always on the move.
In my opinion, the food you eat is a huge part of your experience wherever you are. I'll go even further and say it pretty much defines your experience, so I'll start by giving you a run down of what I ate each day.
Day 1 - Friday
2 Wahoo Fish tacos and nachos
a ton of beer and a mixed drink
some Tasty-kake pies I brought from home
A Del Taco with Macho Nachos and Iced Tea
Day 2 - Saturday
Iced Tea
Curry from Coco Curry House
Custard Bun and bubble tea from 85 Degrees
Day 3 - Sunday
Banana pancakes and bacon
Ice cream
In and Out Burger
Day 4 - Monday
Breakfast Tacos
Chicken and Waffles
Day 5 - Tuesday
Toast from 85 Degrees
In and Out Burger
Ramen Noodles
Beer, margarita and mixed drinks
So yeah, my poor stomach was begging for some vegetables by the time I left but I was very happy. Among some of the great things I experienced (that helped me to realize that I should move to California) was going to a beach in Laguna and seeing two whales. I feel like it was a good omen because - from what I was told - it's a rarity and no one that I hung with that week had ever seen a whale until that day.
So on Monday we went to USC's campus and it was so beautiful that I became a little depressed because I realized that I NEEDED to get accepted into this school. Going to Hollywood right after brought me back to reality, however. We went to Grauman's Chinese Theater and got harassed by a bunch of map sellers, mixed tape pushers and all kinds of annoying people as well as perused a bunch of old, weird stores. The place was sad, run down and just plain boring with the only exception being a half naked dude with some kind of fur, stuffed animal hat on giving thumbs up to oncoming traffic. 0_o I guess the best way to explain it was that Hollywood was like New York City with no redeeming qualities. I mean, in NY you're definitely going to have your street pushers and all kinds of weirdos but no one's going to follow you and harass you to the extent they do in Hollywood. Also, there are at least awesome things to do like go to shows, shop at decent stores and/or eat at cafes and funky restaurants.
Amongst the many beaches there were a ton of malls and I managed to buy 3 skirts, 3 shirts, 3 pair of shoes, a ring, an iPod and a Nike pedometer. Even though everything was cheap, I was pretty broke by the time I got back. The weather was beautiful except for the last day when it was a little cloudy and chilly. But most of the time it was nice and sunny. To tell you the truth, it was a little hard to come back. But on the other hand, I was happy to get back in order to set things in motion to prepare for my move out there. I have to save as much money as possible, study for my GRE's and get this USC application in asap. The thought of going back to school scares me but it's also invigorating. I still have no idea how I did it the first time, but that's what gives me the motivation to do it again.
So there it is . . . my first trip to California. Now it's time to lose some weight.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Instant Therapy
So I've been going to work everyday and this means that I have to be amongst other humans and learn new things. This is not bad, because if left to my own devices, I would probably only be around the same 11 or 12 people for the rest of my life, eventually retreating to my one room shack to live a very "unabomber-ish" lifestyle. So yeah, it's healthy - I'll admit it.
However, it's really interesting how much I've picked up on in the past couple of weeks. It's like I'm catching back up with life and getting a glimpse of the interesting goings-ons. One of my best friends says that I have a funny way of seeing things. She's calls it "Arnetta-cam" and says that when she has strange experiences, she always wishes I was there to do the commentary. Fortunately for me, I do my own commentary and I can always go back to some of my favorite episodes in life and laugh about the situation or just ponder and eventually, dump my ideas out on this blog. So here are a few Arnetta-isms that I picked up on after being out of the confines of my home for so many months.
#1 - It's Good To Be Out
No seriously, it's good. It's great for my health because I'm not constantly eating and sitting around my apartment. All this time I was wondering how I managed to gain so much weight and now that I go to work every day, I'm realizing how many calories I've been taking in over the past couple months without doing so much as getting off my couch. And even though I've been working out like a maniac, eating very light and then going to work where I'm constantly standing and squatting and walking and running, I'm still losing weight at the rate of 11b. a week. So . . . yeah, that's doesn't feel awesome, but it's good to finally see how much work it's going to take for me to change my bad habits and start actually dropping some weight. It's good for morale because the weather is getting sunny and I am actually going outside (even if it is for a twenty minute car ride) and this gives me incentive to leave my house more. (Confessions of a hermit crab).
#2 - People are Freaking Crazy
Yeah, that's something I totally forgot. Now, of course, there are the people who are just flat out looney tunes. You know, the ones that talk to themselves, yell for no reason and walk around with a foil hat. Those folks don't catch me off guard too much. They're normal . . . you know . . . in their craziness. But I'm not talking about those folks. I'm talking about the people that need an instant leather couch. For example, I work at a doctor's office. Folks walk into the office and fill out some information before the doctor examines them. Now I've done this thousands of times in my life time. Go to the doctor, fill out a form, get seen, go home. But for some odd reason, most of these people are shocked beyond belief that they have to fill out any paperwork. I apologize and tell them that it's part of procedure. This is what I call skimming off the first layer of crazy. Because who goes to a doctor without filling out a form that at least lists their allergies, the insurance they'll be using and I don't know . . . their NAME? So after I skim this first layer of crazy off, most people just sit down and fill out their paperwork. But then come the surprise folks who have an underlying layer of crazy and decide that this is the moment to break free from the confines of society. For example, one lady said "No! I refuse to fill out this form." She looked at me with bold defiance. I stared back at her with confusion. Lady! What are you trying to prove? I guess it just cracks me up because as Americans we have to take it up the pooper all the time when it comes to ridiculous laws and inequalities that disenfranchise the majority of middle and lower class Americans and this is beside the usual crappiness of life on this planet. So why in the world would someone use filling out a form at a doctor's office as a moment to "not take it anymore." Either way, my manager (a tall, white guy) came out while the crazy lady was having her moment and said, "Just fill it out." And she suddenly jumped to attention and became a law-abiding citizen. I was relieved, amused and a little offended. Maybe it was just me, but I had already apologized to the woman for the inconvenience, explained that it was procedure and was trying to be as professional as possible but when the manager (in essence, some dude that just came out of nowhere) told her, in an exhausted tone, "Just do it!" suddenly it all came together for her - and "Ohhh! just fill this out? Yes, of course, sir!" LOL, get outta here! Sometimes, it sucks to be a Black woman. I swear I'd get more respect if I was a white man.
#3 - Getting a Paycheck is a Good Feeling
But waiting for it every two weeks . . . sucks. LOL But it beats getting one once a month like in Japan. Talk about budgeting - sheesh!
All right, I'm exhausted. Wish I had more, but I'm sweepy. Goodnite!
However, it's really interesting how much I've picked up on in the past couple of weeks. It's like I'm catching back up with life and getting a glimpse of the interesting goings-ons. One of my best friends says that I have a funny way of seeing things. She's calls it "Arnetta-cam" and says that when she has strange experiences, she always wishes I was there to do the commentary. Fortunately for me, I do my own commentary and I can always go back to some of my favorite episodes in life and laugh about the situation or just ponder and eventually, dump my ideas out on this blog. So here are a few Arnetta-isms that I picked up on after being out of the confines of my home for so many months.
#1 - It's Good To Be Out
No seriously, it's good. It's great for my health because I'm not constantly eating and sitting around my apartment. All this time I was wondering how I managed to gain so much weight and now that I go to work every day, I'm realizing how many calories I've been taking in over the past couple months without doing so much as getting off my couch. And even though I've been working out like a maniac, eating very light and then going to work where I'm constantly standing and squatting and walking and running, I'm still losing weight at the rate of 11b. a week. So . . . yeah, that's doesn't feel awesome, but it's good to finally see how much work it's going to take for me to change my bad habits and start actually dropping some weight. It's good for morale because the weather is getting sunny and I am actually going outside (even if it is for a twenty minute car ride) and this gives me incentive to leave my house more. (Confessions of a hermit crab).
#2 - People are Freaking Crazy
Yeah, that's something I totally forgot. Now, of course, there are the people who are just flat out looney tunes. You know, the ones that talk to themselves, yell for no reason and walk around with a foil hat. Those folks don't catch me off guard too much. They're normal . . . you know . . . in their craziness. But I'm not talking about those folks. I'm talking about the people that need an instant leather couch. For example, I work at a doctor's office. Folks walk into the office and fill out some information before the doctor examines them. Now I've done this thousands of times in my life time. Go to the doctor, fill out a form, get seen, go home. But for some odd reason, most of these people are shocked beyond belief that they have to fill out any paperwork. I apologize and tell them that it's part of procedure. This is what I call skimming off the first layer of crazy. Because who goes to a doctor without filling out a form that at least lists their allergies, the insurance they'll be using and I don't know . . . their NAME? So after I skim this first layer of crazy off, most people just sit down and fill out their paperwork. But then come the surprise folks who have an underlying layer of crazy and decide that this is the moment to break free from the confines of society. For example, one lady said "No! I refuse to fill out this form." She looked at me with bold defiance. I stared back at her with confusion. Lady! What are you trying to prove? I guess it just cracks me up because as Americans we have to take it up the pooper all the time when it comes to ridiculous laws and inequalities that disenfranchise the majority of middle and lower class Americans and this is beside the usual crappiness of life on this planet. So why in the world would someone use filling out a form at a doctor's office as a moment to "not take it anymore." Either way, my manager (a tall, white guy) came out while the crazy lady was having her moment and said, "Just fill it out." And she suddenly jumped to attention and became a law-abiding citizen. I was relieved, amused and a little offended. Maybe it was just me, but I had already apologized to the woman for the inconvenience, explained that it was procedure and was trying to be as professional as possible but when the manager (in essence, some dude that just came out of nowhere) told her, in an exhausted tone, "Just do it!" suddenly it all came together for her - and "Ohhh! just fill this out? Yes, of course, sir!" LOL, get outta here! Sometimes, it sucks to be a Black woman. I swear I'd get more respect if I was a white man.
#3 - Getting a Paycheck is a Good Feeling
But waiting for it every two weeks . . . sucks. LOL But it beats getting one once a month like in Japan. Talk about budgeting - sheesh!
All right, I'm exhausted. Wish I had more, but I'm sweepy. Goodnite!
Friday, March 30, 2012
The Never Ending Quest
After being broke for months on end, I finally gave in and got a job. And one of the things that I said I would do after getting my first paycheck was to buy a Wii so I could get the new Zumba 2 game. (My other thing was to get a colonic . . . I know TMI, lol. But when you get to a certain age, it's all about digestion, regulation and keeping the body cleansed.) So any who, the reasons behind these two endeavors was/is that I want to lose weight. My pants have not been fitting like they should and also, I don't feel as light on my feet as I once did. So as planned, I got the Wii and bought Zumba 2. The next day I was jumping around and sweating like crazy, trying to keep up with the dance moves. It was fun and really effective but the thing about working out - it makes you hungry . . . REALLY hungry. So the first week that I started doing Zumba, I went out and bought (are you ready?) a cheeseburger with the works on a Krispy kreme bun with chocolate covered bacon. Someone dared me to eat that burger a couple months ago and I never had the desire but after hours of grueling Zumba dancing and running with my dog at the park, that was the first weird craving to pop into my mind (despite the fact that the girl who challenged me was no where in sight). The girl was a teenager and very - I don't know how to put this - full of energy and joy for life - in other words, she could give a f--- about a beer gut. She was talking this burger up to the highest degree and I guess after sweating like a pig, I decided to act like one too. (And to tell you the truth, after all of those calories, it was still nothing to write home about. I think the excitement is more about the novelty of the burger than the actual taste.) Either way, the binge eating continued and with the burger, I had a side of fries and a birthday cake flavored milkshake with a cupcake on top of it. Not going to lie, that shake was mother-freaking delicious. The burger joint that I went to is notorious for their strange milkshakes and burgers and it is NOT the place to go if you want to lose weight.
Either way, I've been continuing with the Zumba every day and last week, I checked my weight after months of avoiding scales and I was at a whopping 156 lbs. Can you believe that??? Nearly 160!!! I have never EVER been that big in my life. I don't know if any veteran readers are reading this, but I did a post like a couple years back about how I was upset at being - what? - like 145 or something. So yeah, I've surpassed the big 150 mark. After I saw that scale, I've been pumping and jumping around like my life depended on it. I also went out and got that colonic in a desperate attempt to rid my body of any excess weight that I might be able to drop with some quickness. (Suffice it to say that was a real soul searching experience, 0_o). Thank god the lady that worked with me was very "grandmommish." Grandmoms don't mind talking about poop. I could do a whole post dedicated to that day, but I'll spare you.
Now I am on a journey to drop weight before I visit CA in April. I have been counting calories and doing Zumba in an attempt to take in less than I put out. So far I've been super hungry and the small portions that I've been eating don't seem like enough. As I write this, I think about what healthy snacks I may have sitting around that I could nom on, but I can't think of one thing. Because everything is like a million calories. Even the healthy stuff. It feels like you do 1 hour of Zumba to burn 400 calories and you eat one cracker and it's all down the drain. Regardless, I am going to stay on this journey. And I am actively seeking out healthy recipes. Also, I plan on posting a few recipes myself.
In other words, help a sistah out. If you know of a great recipe . . . leave it in the comments section or shoot me an email at Arnettagreen@gmail.com. Send me good vibes and thanks in advance!
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Trayvon Martin, Gun Laws and Justice
Yes, it's inevitable that I talk about this case. Don't worry . . . it will be quick.
First of all, the whole thing is a tragedy. This young man lost his life, for no reason at all. Of course, there are a bunch of stories emerging about how Trayvon wasn't the most innocent boy in the world or that maybe he initiated the fight and got a few good hits in on the man that ultimately ended up murdering him. Regardless, who gives a shit? Honestly. The boy paid for it with his life. And if you want me to get really real, if it came down to blows with Trayvon and Mr. Zimmerman, who's to say that Trayvon wouldn't have been justified? Who's to say that Mr. Zimmerman didn't look suspicious to Trayvon? Maybe TM felt he needed to defend himself. You got some weirdo following you around in a car and then gets out of his car and approaches you . . . what would you do? You can run or you can fight. Is there a law in Florida that says you can kill someone that looks intimidating to you but you can't punch them? At the end of the day, the boy couldn't win. Regardless, I will leave it to the professionals to do the investigating. Hopefully the authorities will address this obviously mishandled situation with respect for what's fair, regardless of the boy's race and Zimmerman's connections to the police force AND Florida's idiotic gun law.
And I know there's a huge race element to this whole situation. As I've read and heard all over the place, it's forcing folks to revisit the topic of race relations in America. I honestly don't even want to go there. I think any time Black people talk about race, it gives everyone the opportunity to play the "'using the race card' card." And I don't want to give anyone that kind of power. I don't want to argue with anyone about whether racism exists or not. I think that the focus needs to be on the gun law. Nobody should have the right to kill people on the sole basis of feeling intimidated. Here's a quick story - the other day my boyfriend and I watched as a suspicious, hooded figure proceeded to walk up the stairs to our front door and just stand there for a while before he bent over and began tying his shoes. Mind you, we were right behind him wondering what the f*** he was doing (and I was dialing 9-1-1) while peering over the boyfriend's shoulders like a scared housewife. The boyfriend addressed the guy, asked him what he was doing. Dude told him that he was just tying his shoes before going over to his garage (the apartment garages happen to be next to our apartment.) My boyfriend gave him the "okay, just keep it moving then" vibes and we watched the guy wobble away. (He was super drunk by the way). But the whole point to this story is that the guy looked scary as shit. (Again, I'm just being real). Not only did he have a hood on and we couldn't see his face, but he literally walked up to our apartment and stood at our door. Did that give my boyfriend the right to shoot him and end his life? What if the Florida gun law applied in PA? If my boyfriend shot and killed that man, then and there, and then after the fact it was proven that dude was just a discombobulated drunkard who was lost . . . then what? In reality, the whole situation worked out very nicely. Dude took his hood down, looked us dead in the eye and apologized, the boyfriend and our huge American Bulldog walked out and watched him make it to his garage safely - which he was not lying, he really did have a garage - and the night ended with no loss of life. I understand that not all things work out that way but at the end of the day, we can't resort to shooting people. If you have a gun, that gives you even more reason to be thorough before you pull a trigger.
I've always believed that guns are for cowards and every day that goes by, I believe it even more. I always joke around (not really joking) and tell the boyfriend that if it came down to it and the world became an apocalyptic war torn country where everyone carried guns, I will be the first one shot dead because I refuse to walk around like Quick-Draw McGraw, living in fear with a coward's weapon trembling in my hand. I wouldn't want to live like that. I already grew up in the hood. Rather than relive that nightmare, I'd rather just get it all over with and meet Jesus in the new kingdom. After living in a country like Japan where it's illegal for people to carry handguns, I cannot stress enough how peace of mind is priceless. At 27 years old, I experienced for the first time, being able to walk down a street alone at night without any fear of being shot. I don't know that I'll ever have that feeling in this country, but I think that after experiencing it that one time - I will NEVER EVER support any law that lets regular people walk around with a machine that allows you to take someone's life away from them. Life is too precious to be given such a dishonorable, cheap and cowardly end. And I think if anyone is willing to recklessly pull a trigger and make a HUGE decision that takes someone's life and changes the lives of that person's family and friends forever, they should be willing to face some consequences that will change their life as well.
Okay, that's all. Sorry I wrote more than I planned.
Goodnight!
First of all, the whole thing is a tragedy. This young man lost his life, for no reason at all. Of course, there are a bunch of stories emerging about how Trayvon wasn't the most innocent boy in the world or that maybe he initiated the fight and got a few good hits in on the man that ultimately ended up murdering him. Regardless, who gives a shit? Honestly. The boy paid for it with his life. And if you want me to get really real, if it came down to blows with Trayvon and Mr. Zimmerman, who's to say that Trayvon wouldn't have been justified? Who's to say that Mr. Zimmerman didn't look suspicious to Trayvon? Maybe TM felt he needed to defend himself. You got some weirdo following you around in a car and then gets out of his car and approaches you . . . what would you do? You can run or you can fight. Is there a law in Florida that says you can kill someone that looks intimidating to you but you can't punch them? At the end of the day, the boy couldn't win. Regardless, I will leave it to the professionals to do the investigating. Hopefully the authorities will address this obviously mishandled situation with respect for what's fair, regardless of the boy's race and Zimmerman's connections to the police force AND Florida's idiotic gun law.
And I know there's a huge race element to this whole situation. As I've read and heard all over the place, it's forcing folks to revisit the topic of race relations in America. I honestly don't even want to go there. I think any time Black people talk about race, it gives everyone the opportunity to play the "'using the race card' card." And I don't want to give anyone that kind of power. I don't want to argue with anyone about whether racism exists or not. I think that the focus needs to be on the gun law. Nobody should have the right to kill people on the sole basis of feeling intimidated. Here's a quick story - the other day my boyfriend and I watched as a suspicious, hooded figure proceeded to walk up the stairs to our front door and just stand there for a while before he bent over and began tying his shoes. Mind you, we were right behind him wondering what the f*** he was doing (and I was dialing 9-1-1) while peering over the boyfriend's shoulders like a scared housewife. The boyfriend addressed the guy, asked him what he was doing. Dude told him that he was just tying his shoes before going over to his garage (the apartment garages happen to be next to our apartment.) My boyfriend gave him the "okay, just keep it moving then" vibes and we watched the guy wobble away. (He was super drunk by the way). But the whole point to this story is that the guy looked scary as shit. (Again, I'm just being real). Not only did he have a hood on and we couldn't see his face, but he literally walked up to our apartment and stood at our door. Did that give my boyfriend the right to shoot him and end his life? What if the Florida gun law applied in PA? If my boyfriend shot and killed that man, then and there, and then after the fact it was proven that dude was just a discombobulated drunkard who was lost . . . then what? In reality, the whole situation worked out very nicely. Dude took his hood down, looked us dead in the eye and apologized, the boyfriend and our huge American Bulldog walked out and watched him make it to his garage safely - which he was not lying, he really did have a garage - and the night ended with no loss of life. I understand that not all things work out that way but at the end of the day, we can't resort to shooting people. If you have a gun, that gives you even more reason to be thorough before you pull a trigger.
I've always believed that guns are for cowards and every day that goes by, I believe it even more. I always joke around (not really joking) and tell the boyfriend that if it came down to it and the world became an apocalyptic war torn country where everyone carried guns, I will be the first one shot dead because I refuse to walk around like Quick-Draw McGraw, living in fear with a coward's weapon trembling in my hand. I wouldn't want to live like that. I already grew up in the hood. Rather than relive that nightmare, I'd rather just get it all over with and meet Jesus in the new kingdom. After living in a country like Japan where it's illegal for people to carry handguns, I cannot stress enough how peace of mind is priceless. At 27 years old, I experienced for the first time, being able to walk down a street alone at night without any fear of being shot. I don't know that I'll ever have that feeling in this country, but I think that after experiencing it that one time - I will NEVER EVER support any law that lets regular people walk around with a machine that allows you to take someone's life away from them. Life is too precious to be given such a dishonorable, cheap and cowardly end. And I think if anyone is willing to recklessly pull a trigger and make a HUGE decision that takes someone's life and changes the lives of that person's family and friends forever, they should be willing to face some consequences that will change their life as well.
Okay, that's all. Sorry I wrote more than I planned.
Goodnight!
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Religion and Everything Else
Today is one of those days where I feel like popping one of these . . .
In other words, I may say some things that I don't mean. Or who knows? Maybe I'm going to be realer than I've ever been. Either way, it's not all bad news. Actually, my life is coming together okay. My money came through and I ordered a couple GRE books so I can start studying. Also, I shot an episode of my web series last week and I even bought a ticket to visit one of my best friends in California. On top of this, I just landed a part time job and it'll be nice to get a little paycheck coming in.
Outside of all this, I have been pondering some of life's mysteries. Religion for instance. Most days I can do the church thing, but lately . . . I don't have the mind for it. Reading the bible and applying its principles is fine but everything else gives me a headache. Going to church. Having to talk to people. It just feels like a waste of time to me. I'd rather be at home getting work done. I don't imagine that I'll be penalized for it. I don't see God striking me down for not following religion and maybe that's my problem. Religion is pretty much built on the idea that God will strike you down if you don't actually follow it. And that's what I don't believe. Yet I still go. And it's days like this that I ask myself . . . "why?" Regardless, I will wake up and drag myself to church and no doubt get inspired. It's just everything else that gets on my nerves. The guilt. The feeling that I'm required to do more. There's no such thing as a free lunch, I guess.
Speaking of religion...I talked to a friend a couple days. The guy from this post. We haven't talked in months. He hit me up a little after I returned from Japan but after that we kind of lost track. To be honest, I let it happen because the boyfriend was feeling uncomfortable with my talking with him. Either way, I was hanging out with my New Jersey family and ran into my friend. We talked a little about my web series and being that my friend is very funny, I told him that I'd love for him to be in an episode. He invited me to his place because he and his roommates were having a party. So . . . I went. (Sorry boyfriend!) The place was very "frat-housey" complete with beer, bongs, really loud "white people music" (heavy metal and I mean really HEAVY) and a bunch of weirdos. The only thing was, everybody was like thirty, forty years old. So me and my friend walk in, my friend is obviously high as a kite. His eyes are red and he's really laid back. He also looked really skinny and that made me realize that it'd really been a long time since I last talked to him. So, he invited me up to his room and I had to measure whether I felt safer listening to the loud Satanic music pumping from the basement or whether I should just risk getting raped upstairs in his room. After a while, his room felt like the better option. So we go to his room, where it's quiet and we can talk. I drank a beer and laid back on a futon chair, feeling super relaxed.
Until he starts telling me stories about his life since I was in Japan. At first it started with him telling me that he predicted the earthquake, amongst a bunch of other predictions that he said he'd made about me including my taking up knitting, to my getting back to America a week before the tsunami hit. (Which he was wrong, because I got back like almost a month before it hit . . . but I've been telling everyone a week, because, honestly, it sounds better.) Either way, he was essentially telling me that he was a prophet. Fine. Plenty of religious people think they're prophets. Everybody wants to be important. I gave him that. Life is short. He goes on to tell me about how his grandmother passed away, which was really sad. I told him that I was sorry to hear that. But then he goes on to tell me that he went up to heaven with her. Mmmkay . . . 0_o So from the heaven story he went into his "breaking into" WWE story which, from the way he told it, meant that he drove his car there at night and got a back stage pass. Also, he feels he was reincarnated from someone in the bible and that he is spoken about in Revelations and that Satan himself is going to murder him. It was creepy, weird and at the end of the day sad. I'm hearing this guy go on and on while hearing all kinds of crazy Marilyn Manson music being shouted from the floors beneath us (live band, by the way) and listening to my friend tell me about how he is going to be murdered by the devil and that he is a prophet of God and can control the weather and that essentially the apocalypse and the fate of the world depends on him. But honestly, the only thing I could feel was overwhelming sadness for him. Because it seemed like he was in a place that was so dark, that I couldn't begin to imagine how he got there or if he could get out. My heart really hurt for this guy. And throughout his stories, he kept making references to my being in Japan. He was telling me that he was on a journey, just like I went on my journey. And I wanted to tell him, "Our journeys have nothing to do with each other." I don't know how to explain it but it felt like he was affected by my trip more than I ever knew. He told me that God gave him a bunch of wisdom and he's consciously chosen not to live a life where he gets married, has children or does certain things (I'm guessing career-wise) because he chose wisdom and nothing else. He then asked me what my goals/plans are. I told him that I planned to move to CA and get my Master's. Suddenly, he got a little somber. He asked me when I was leaving. I told him. A quick moment of silence. We talked some more and then I left. A couple days later he sent me a text, asking when I was going to be shooting the next episode of my web series. I told him, in a couple weeks. I guess this wasn't soon enough because he replied, "I want to see you. If you're going to CA, I want us in a better place than before when you left for Japan." Sadly, I can't say that I was thinking about the guy before I left for Japan. I really wasn't. As for why he feels it's important for us to "be in a better place" I have absolutely no idea on earth. But if he needs a friend, I can be that. I just hope that whatever this is - depression, insanity, whatever - he gets the help that he needs because I doubt being a listening ear can be the solution to whatever demons he seems to be fighting. He told me that he's alienated from his family now and after talking to him for 2 hours, I totally understand why. It's just crazy how things happen in life.
So that's all for now. There's more, but I'm tired.
Goodnite!
Outside of all this, I have been pondering some of life's mysteries. Religion for instance. Most days I can do the church thing, but lately . . . I don't have the mind for it. Reading the bible and applying its principles is fine but everything else gives me a headache. Going to church. Having to talk to people. It just feels like a waste of time to me. I'd rather be at home getting work done. I don't imagine that I'll be penalized for it. I don't see God striking me down for not following religion and maybe that's my problem. Religion is pretty much built on the idea that God will strike you down if you don't actually follow it. And that's what I don't believe. Yet I still go. And it's days like this that I ask myself . . . "why?" Regardless, I will wake up and drag myself to church and no doubt get inspired. It's just everything else that gets on my nerves. The guilt. The feeling that I'm required to do more. There's no such thing as a free lunch, I guess.
Speaking of religion...I talked to a friend a couple days. The guy from this post. We haven't talked in months. He hit me up a little after I returned from Japan but after that we kind of lost track. To be honest, I let it happen because the boyfriend was feeling uncomfortable with my talking with him. Either way, I was hanging out with my New Jersey family and ran into my friend. We talked a little about my web series and being that my friend is very funny, I told him that I'd love for him to be in an episode. He invited me to his place because he and his roommates were having a party. So . . . I went. (Sorry boyfriend!) The place was very "frat-housey" complete with beer, bongs, really loud "white people music" (heavy metal and I mean really HEAVY) and a bunch of weirdos. The only thing was, everybody was like thirty, forty years old. So me and my friend walk in, my friend is obviously high as a kite. His eyes are red and he's really laid back. He also looked really skinny and that made me realize that it'd really been a long time since I last talked to him. So, he invited me up to his room and I had to measure whether I felt safer listening to the loud Satanic music pumping from the basement or whether I should just risk getting raped upstairs in his room. After a while, his room felt like the better option. So we go to his room, where it's quiet and we can talk. I drank a beer and laid back on a futon chair, feeling super relaxed.
Until he starts telling me stories about his life since I was in Japan. At first it started with him telling me that he predicted the earthquake, amongst a bunch of other predictions that he said he'd made about me including my taking up knitting, to my getting back to America a week before the tsunami hit. (Which he was wrong, because I got back like almost a month before it hit . . . but I've been telling everyone a week, because, honestly, it sounds better.) Either way, he was essentially telling me that he was a prophet. Fine. Plenty of religious people think they're prophets. Everybody wants to be important. I gave him that. Life is short. He goes on to tell me about how his grandmother passed away, which was really sad. I told him that I was sorry to hear that. But then he goes on to tell me that he went up to heaven with her. Mmmkay . . . 0_o So from the heaven story he went into his "breaking into" WWE story which, from the way he told it, meant that he drove his car there at night and got a back stage pass. Also, he feels he was reincarnated from someone in the bible and that he is spoken about in Revelations and that Satan himself is going to murder him. It was creepy, weird and at the end of the day sad. I'm hearing this guy go on and on while hearing all kinds of crazy Marilyn Manson music being shouted from the floors beneath us (live band, by the way) and listening to my friend tell me about how he is going to be murdered by the devil and that he is a prophet of God and can control the weather and that essentially the apocalypse and the fate of the world depends on him. But honestly, the only thing I could feel was overwhelming sadness for him. Because it seemed like he was in a place that was so dark, that I couldn't begin to imagine how he got there or if he could get out. My heart really hurt for this guy. And throughout his stories, he kept making references to my being in Japan. He was telling me that he was on a journey, just like I went on my journey. And I wanted to tell him, "Our journeys have nothing to do with each other." I don't know how to explain it but it felt like he was affected by my trip more than I ever knew. He told me that God gave him a bunch of wisdom and he's consciously chosen not to live a life where he gets married, has children or does certain things (I'm guessing career-wise) because he chose wisdom and nothing else. He then asked me what my goals/plans are. I told him that I planned to move to CA and get my Master's. Suddenly, he got a little somber. He asked me when I was leaving. I told him. A quick moment of silence. We talked some more and then I left. A couple days later he sent me a text, asking when I was going to be shooting the next episode of my web series. I told him, in a couple weeks. I guess this wasn't soon enough because he replied, "I want to see you. If you're going to CA, I want us in a better place than before when you left for Japan." Sadly, I can't say that I was thinking about the guy before I left for Japan. I really wasn't. As for why he feels it's important for us to "be in a better place" I have absolutely no idea on earth. But if he needs a friend, I can be that. I just hope that whatever this is - depression, insanity, whatever - he gets the help that he needs because I doubt being a listening ear can be the solution to whatever demons he seems to be fighting. He told me that he's alienated from his family now and after talking to him for 2 hours, I totally understand why. It's just crazy how things happen in life.
So that's all for now. There's more, but I'm tired.
Goodnite!
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Act Like a Woman, Think Like a Man
Taking a little break from the web series stuff this week and wanted to talk about something that makes me chuckle to myself. I'm sure everyone's heard about the Steve Harvey book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. And then there's the movie that's coming out with the same name. Now there's a J-hud, Neo Rick Ross song called Think Like a Man.
Now the book, song and movie all have the same thing in common. They're pretty-much telling women that they should think like men. That's the main focus. Okay, whatever. I get it. But what about the "Act Like a Lady" part? I think that's where I'm having trouble, lol. I was raised in a family with all women. 1 Single parent mom, 2 aunts, 2 sisters, a half sister and 1 step sister. You would have thought that with all of this estrogen, I would have gotten at least one feminine trait. The boyfriend argues with that...thank god! (He's one of the few guys that can overlook my weirdness).
Either way, I could use some Act Like a Lady lessons in these 3 areas . . .
1. Clothing - I know that mixing and matching clothing and styles is "in" now, but I don't think that the clothes I wear is what fashionistas have in mind. Kid you not, my every day, lounging around the house "go to" style is an oversized red, Coca-cola T-shirt tucked into a faded, black, chiffon skirt with long, white socks. It looks HORRIBLE. The only reason the boyfriend likes this outfit is because I only wear it when I don't feel like wearing underwear which is like everyday. Ladylike? I didn't think so. And when I leave the privacy of my own home, it's no better. My version of getting dressed up is putting on jeans. And I can't wear high heels for longer than a half hour.
2. Getting Out the Car - Can't do it. Correction, can't do it without looking like a dude. And if I'm wearing heels...just leave me in the damned thing. The struggling and grunting that accompanies my getting out of a car is laughable and then a little sad. Yeah, lessons please.
3. Chit-chat - I SUCK at "lady-like" chit chat. I snort when I laugh and like to talk about things that are gross. For example, pooping. That is like my favorite subject . . . pooping and movies.
So yeah, any help would be appreciated. How about somebody focusing on the "Act Like a Lady" part of the book for a change?
Just a thought. :-)
On another note...
I'm planning on applying to grad school. Yes, you heard me. All of those worries about being in debt for the rest of my life have taken a back seat to my worries about letting life pass me by. I can't take another year of sitting in this living room applying to a bunch of low level jobs because I don't have the skills necessary to land something better. I went to college so I wouldn't have to worry about that. It's obvious that our country has shifted and now you need more than a 4 year degree to get thebig normal, middle-class dollars. Apparently, the only person that didn't know that was me. So it's time to get my ish together. When you know better . . . (sigh) Either way, my plan is to move to California. My timeline is August of this year. I have to take my GRE's and start doing research. The thought of all of the work I have to do is a little scary, but exciting. It's time to take another big chance. I don't know if this is the direction God wants me to go in, but I'm getting tired of guessing what's going on with the Big Guy's plans for me. He's a little hard to read these days, so I'm just going to go for it and regret (or celebrate) it later, like I've done my whole life. I think it's safe to say that I suck at reading the "signs."
This plan kind of gives me the same feelings that I felt when I was about to leave for Japan. Doubts, fears, excitement, adventure, confusion, worry, happiness, everything. I'm just a big mixture of feelings. Am I really going to go through with this? Ahhh. But it's coming. Something's definitely coming, I can feel it. So, as I've been telling everybody these days . . .
Send me good vibes people!
On another note...
I'm planning on applying to grad school. Yes, you heard me. All of those worries about being in debt for the rest of my life have taken a back seat to my worries about letting life pass me by. I can't take another year of sitting in this living room applying to a bunch of low level jobs because I don't have the skills necessary to land something better. I went to college so I wouldn't have to worry about that. It's obvious that our country has shifted and now you need more than a 4 year degree to get the
This plan kind of gives me the same feelings that I felt when I was about to leave for Japan. Doubts, fears, excitement, adventure, confusion, worry, happiness, everything. I'm just a big mixture of feelings. Am I really going to go through with this? Ahhh. But it's coming. Something's definitely coming, I can feel it. So, as I've been telling everybody these days . . .
Send me good vibes people!
Saturday, February 18, 2012
I Need a Person
I rarely ever use blogger to vent. In fact, I am not very good at posting on a regular basis. Maybe because I know that my significant other reads this or maybe just because I usually always have someone to vent to (sorry, Mom for making your ears bleed - lol). But today is one of those days where I need to pour out my soul.
So, those new memes that have started to appear on facebook? You know . . .
So yeah, that's mine. :-) And boy is it true! Downed 2 excedrin 3 hours ago and still waiting for them to kick in.
Regardless, I have a member of my crew (an old college friend) that I would like to fire. I am convinced that he is trying to sabotage my web series. Here is the list of things that he's done (thus far) to make me want to end his life.
- Told me that he wanted to be the casting director for my project and proceeds to book a room to use for auditions on Saturday at 2pm. On Saturday, he accepts the responsibility of babysitting his 7 and 10 year old nieces.
- At precisely 1:45pm (after his car dies and we jump it), he tells me that he has to go pick someone else up.
- I tell him to do whatever the hell he wants (even though I've never held an audition before) because shit, it's 2pm and I don't have time to worry about it. However, he has his 2 (bad ass) nieces, which he proceeds to leave with me while he goes out to pick up the 3rd person - who must be important - because why the hell would the casting director leave his own auditions unless it was for something important?
- He heads out to pick up another child. (Because he works in an after school program and saw THIS AUDITION as a great opportunity to show the kid something positive.) Comes to the audition 45 minutes later with no kid (because said kid was not even home.)
- Asked to play the DJ on the first episode and did not bring ANY DJ'ing equipment.
- Showed up late for the first episode because he had a prior engagement.
- Stood outside of prior engagement hanging out and talking to people (because - despite the fact that he knew I was waiting for him - he didn't know I was waiting across the street).
- Twice in a row, has either over-casted an episode or under-casted. Today 3 people showed up for the same part, and two people didn't even show up AT ALL. (My head is pounding as I type this). In other words, for 2 of the three episodes that we shot, we didn't have the people we needed - which is a HUGE freaking deal.
- Keeps bringing people with NO ACTING EXPERIENCE to play roles in the web series. Lies and says these people will be "great" and proceeds to tell people not to mention that they have no experience.
- Tells people they have roles that they do not have and then proceeds to manipulate the production so that these people can have these roles.
- Is annoying, makes funny sounds during taping, talks too damn much and does nothing but text people while we are shooting.
- Argues everything.
So that's that. He is one of the main characters in the show, unfortunately, and while dude can act his ass off, I can't wait to fire him as the casting guy. This was his last day (as casting director) and from this point on, I plan on casting my own show.
I Need a Person
One thing that I keep saying throughout this production is "I need a person." Nobody seems to get what that means (which is understandable - because I'm surrounded by "persons"). But the fact that nobody gets this serves to me as even more evidence that I need a person. So allow me to explain. When I was in Japan, I made a best friend. A soul-mate, if you will. She was "my person." I could walk into a room and without so much as an explanation, I could ask her, "hat or scarf?" and she would be like "Scarf!" I would sit down and a warm cup of tea would appear in front of me. It was like we were always communicating, even when we weren't. It kind of felt like in those movies when the two heroes would be back to back, fighting off the enemy, moving in a circle, kicking ass. Unfortunately, she lives in California now and I have no one. Don't get me wrong, I have some best friends out here on the East Coast - including the signif. other, but I don't have a "person." And this peeves the S.O. because he would like to consider himself my "person."
But, he's not.
So while I'm shooting, these are the things that I end up dealing with . . .
- Doing audio (because I'm the audio person)
- Making sure everyone is okay
- Introducing myself and explaining the scenes to the actors (the ones who actually bother to show up)
- Answering questions
- Deciding how the scene will be shot visually and logistically (being that we are missing actors)
- Moving things out the way
- Giving people directions to my home
- Trying to keep the production moving because we're "losing daylight"
- Telling people how to say their lines
- Making sure everyone has their script
Now these are all things that I don't mind doing, but some of these things could stand to be outsourced - and if I had "a person" they would know that. For example, I asked my S.O. if he could run out and grab some food before people arrived. Unfortunately, he ended up on a 45 minute phone call with his sister. When he got off the phone, he proceeded to clean the apartment from top to bottom, insisting that we move the furniture around to get the places under the table. I vacuumed and then he goes behind me vacuuming to make sure that I got all of the spots, even though you can't tell with our rug. Then, of course, everyone showed up and it was too late to get food. I was disappointed and hungry as hell.
People got to my place and started asking for water and my stomach was growling so loud during production that I waited for it to stop before I shouted "Action." It was a bad moment for me because providing food was the only payoff I could get for these people. It was the only thing that I'd promised and not only did it NOT happen, but people ended up being in my (hot ass) apartment for hours on end with absolutely nothing to eat or drink (besides, of course, water).
My signif. other/ love of my life/ future husband/ camera guy spends way too much time on shots that I don't care about. When I want to pow-wow with him, he is nowhere to be found. I am surrounded by my actors who want to give me advice about shit that doesn't concern them whatsoever and my camera guy is shooting a rose on the ground or the outside of a building. When I ask him for advice, he replies with "You're the director." Sometimes I think he hates me when we are shooting the web series. And I don't blame him. I forget to say action, forget to call the scene, forget to say "cut," forget to quiet everyone on the set, forget what scene we are shooting, forget to push record on audio, etc. And then when he goes to do those things, I yell at him and say, "I know!" I don't know where this monster comes from - and it is embarrassing. After we finish shooting, I feel exhausted, angry and ashamed and I want to grab a beer, in a bar, alone.
Don't get me wrong, I love telling a story through the camera. I love the idea that this will one day be on the public access channel in my town and on the internet and people can look at it and laugh. If I had a million dollar budget, this would be much easier. But I don't. I am broke as hell, lol. So I have to rely on myself and my excedrin.
And craigslist.
So tomorrow, I will be posting an ad for "a person." Hopefully, they won't mind being paid in water.
So, those new memes that have started to appear on facebook? You know . . .
So yeah, that's mine. :-) And boy is it true! Downed 2 excedrin 3 hours ago and still waiting for them to kick in.
Regardless, I have a member of my crew (an old college friend) that I would like to fire. I am convinced that he is trying to sabotage my web series. Here is the list of things that he's done (thus far) to make me want to end his life.
- Told me that he wanted to be the casting director for my project and proceeds to book a room to use for auditions on Saturday at 2pm. On Saturday, he accepts the responsibility of babysitting his 7 and 10 year old nieces.
- At precisely 1:45pm (after his car dies and we jump it), he tells me that he has to go pick someone else up.
- I tell him to do whatever the hell he wants (even though I've never held an audition before) because shit, it's 2pm and I don't have time to worry about it. However, he has his 2 (bad ass) nieces, which he proceeds to leave with me while he goes out to pick up the 3rd person - who must be important - because why the hell would the casting director leave his own auditions unless it was for something important?
- He heads out to pick up another child. (Because he works in an after school program and saw THIS AUDITION as a great opportunity to show the kid something positive.) Comes to the audition 45 minutes later with no kid (because said kid was not even home.)
- Asked to play the DJ on the first episode and did not bring ANY DJ'ing equipment.
- Showed up late for the first episode because he had a prior engagement.
- Stood outside of prior engagement hanging out and talking to people (because - despite the fact that he knew I was waiting for him - he didn't know I was waiting across the street).
- Twice in a row, has either over-casted an episode or under-casted. Today 3 people showed up for the same part, and two people didn't even show up AT ALL. (My head is pounding as I type this). In other words, for 2 of the three episodes that we shot, we didn't have the people we needed - which is a HUGE freaking deal.
- Keeps bringing people with NO ACTING EXPERIENCE to play roles in the web series. Lies and says these people will be "great" and proceeds to tell people not to mention that they have no experience.
- Tells people they have roles that they do not have and then proceeds to manipulate the production so that these people can have these roles.
- Is annoying, makes funny sounds during taping, talks too damn much and does nothing but text people while we are shooting.
- Argues everything.
So that's that. He is one of the main characters in the show, unfortunately, and while dude can act his ass off, I can't wait to fire him as the casting guy. This was his last day (as casting director) and from this point on, I plan on casting my own show.
I Need a Person
One thing that I keep saying throughout this production is "I need a person." Nobody seems to get what that means (which is understandable - because I'm surrounded by "persons"). But the fact that nobody gets this serves to me as even more evidence that I need a person. So allow me to explain. When I was in Japan, I made a best friend. A soul-mate, if you will. She was "my person." I could walk into a room and without so much as an explanation, I could ask her, "hat or scarf?" and she would be like "Scarf!" I would sit down and a warm cup of tea would appear in front of me. It was like we were always communicating, even when we weren't. It kind of felt like in those movies when the two heroes would be back to back, fighting off the enemy, moving in a circle, kicking ass. Unfortunately, she lives in California now and I have no one. Don't get me wrong, I have some best friends out here on the East Coast - including the signif. other, but I don't have a "person." And this peeves the S.O. because he would like to consider himself my "person."
But, he's not.
So while I'm shooting, these are the things that I end up dealing with . . .
- Doing audio (because I'm the audio person)
- Making sure everyone is okay
- Introducing myself and explaining the scenes to the actors (the ones who actually bother to show up)
- Answering questions
- Deciding how the scene will be shot visually and logistically (being that we are missing actors)
- Moving things out the way
- Giving people directions to my home
- Trying to keep the production moving because we're "losing daylight"
- Telling people how to say their lines
- Making sure everyone has their script
Now these are all things that I don't mind doing, but some of these things could stand to be outsourced - and if I had "a person" they would know that. For example, I asked my S.O. if he could run out and grab some food before people arrived. Unfortunately, he ended up on a 45 minute phone call with his sister. When he got off the phone, he proceeded to clean the apartment from top to bottom, insisting that we move the furniture around to get the places under the table. I vacuumed and then he goes behind me vacuuming to make sure that I got all of the spots, even though you can't tell with our rug. Then, of course, everyone showed up and it was too late to get food. I was disappointed and hungry as hell.
People got to my place and started asking for water and my stomach was growling so loud during production that I waited for it to stop before I shouted "Action." It was a bad moment for me because providing food was the only payoff I could get for these people. It was the only thing that I'd promised and not only did it NOT happen, but people ended up being in my (hot ass) apartment for hours on end with absolutely nothing to eat or drink (besides, of course, water).
My signif. other/ love of my life/ future husband/ camera guy spends way too much time on shots that I don't care about. When I want to pow-wow with him, he is nowhere to be found. I am surrounded by my actors who want to give me advice about shit that doesn't concern them whatsoever and my camera guy is shooting a rose on the ground or the outside of a building. When I ask him for advice, he replies with "You're the director." Sometimes I think he hates me when we are shooting the web series. And I don't blame him. I forget to say action, forget to call the scene, forget to say "cut," forget to quiet everyone on the set, forget what scene we are shooting, forget to push record on audio, etc. And then when he goes to do those things, I yell at him and say, "I know!" I don't know where this monster comes from - and it is embarrassing. After we finish shooting, I feel exhausted, angry and ashamed and I want to grab a beer, in a bar, alone.
Don't get me wrong, I love telling a story through the camera. I love the idea that this will one day be on the public access channel in my town and on the internet and people can look at it and laugh. If I had a million dollar budget, this would be much easier. But I don't. I am broke as hell, lol. So I have to rely on myself and my excedrin.
And craigslist.
So tomorrow, I will be posting an ad for "a person." Hopefully, they won't mind being paid in water.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Being a Director is HARD
So I have one and a half episodes under my belt, thus far and things are crazy. Pumping out a scene means getting locations, actors, equipment, time, etc. and these are all things that don't come easy. It's kind of like trying to take a civilized picture of a house full of animals. There is always someone straying out of the photo or the flash doesn't go off and you have to keep everyone's attention before they all wander away, going in opposite directions. Regardless, I have never been so sure that this is what I want to do. It's kind of like, the more I have to work hard for this - the more I realize that I'm cut out for this kind of work. *sigh* Either I'm a glutton for heart attack inducing situations or I'm a director at heart. I'd like to think it's the latter. :-)
Scorcese . . . I'm coming for ya!
Scorcese . . . I'm coming for ya!
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Diary of a Mad Unemployed Black Woman
I'm convinced that these companies are posting job openings just to make the economy look better. I have been emailing this one station down the street from me for months. They have been posting the same job since forever. Last Thursday, I worked up the nerve to actually go to the place and hand in my reel along with a resume, some references and a cover letter. I asked if it would be possible to speak to someone and was told by the (very friendly) front desk person that the HR guy was too busy but that the next day would be better and I should just stop by then. Well, I stopped by the next day and the HR guy walked right past me without saying a word. And then I was told by the front desk person that he was too busy. Too busy?! Too busy to tell someone that "the job is no longer open"? Too busy to say, "We're sorry but we're considering other candidates"? Too busy to say, "You are perfect for the job but I just don't like your face, so please get out of here"? I mean anything . . . tell me ANYTHING but at least have the decency and respect for me as a human being to speak. I don't understand why I am getting the same exact response from all of these jobs . . . which is no response whatsoever. Well, actually I can understand it a little because for all of the other jobs, I just emailed or snail-mailed my resume. But in this particular case, I was literally sitting in the lobby. The ONLY person in that little-ass lobby, in that empty-ass building. And the man was too "busy" to tell me anything. Whatever. And I know I sound crazy, right now. But I can assure you, I did not stalk dude. Actually, he emailed me 6 months ago and told me to apply to the job in the first place. And when I did, I didn't hear back from him. And then all of these months later, the job is open again and I sent another resume and followed up by stopping by the station to drop off my reel. It's really not all that serious and I guess that's where my frustration comes from. If I'd have been disrespectful or over the top, I could understand his ignoring/avoiding me. But I have done nothing deserving of disrespect and the only thing I want to know is if the job is still available and if maybe - just maybe - I could get an interview.
Regardless, I am determined to do things on my own. I will continue to work on my "brand" and try to get my little video productions going until one day I am successful. Sometimes I consider going back to school and getting a Master's but I am obsessed with paying off my old student loans before making new ones. On a more positive note, I am grateful that I have some experience under my belt and that I am not new to "the struggle."
Life will turn itself around. I'm just wondering when and how.
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