The Never Ending Quest

After being broke for months on end, I finally gave in and got a job.  And one of the things that I said I would do after getting my first paycheck was to buy a Wii so I could get the new Zumba 2 game.  (My other thing was to get a colonic . . . I know TMI, lol.  But when you get to a certain age, it's all about digestion, regulation and keeping the body cleansed.)  So any who, the reasons behind these two endeavors was/is that I want to lose weight.  My pants have not been fitting like they should and also, I don't feel as light on my feet as I once did.  So as planned, I got the Wii and bought Zumba 2.  The next day I was jumping around and sweating like crazy, trying to keep up with the dance moves.  It was fun and really effective but the thing about working out - it makes you hungry . . . REALLY hungry.  So the first week that I started doing Zumba, I went out and bought (are you ready?) a cheeseburger with the works on a Krispy kreme bun with chocolate covered bacon.  Someone dared me to eat that burger a couple months ago and I never had the desire but after hours of grueling Zumba dancing and running with my dog at the park, that was the first weird craving to pop into my mind (despite the fact that the girl who challenged me was no where in sight).  The girl was a teenager and very - I don't know how to put this - full of energy and joy for life - in other words, she could give a f--- about a beer gut.  She was talking this burger up to the highest degree and I guess after sweating like a pig, I decided to act like one too.  (And to tell you the truth, after all of those calories, it was still nothing to write home about.  I think the excitement is more about the novelty of the burger than the actual taste.)  Either way, the binge eating continued and with the burger, I had a side of fries and a birthday cake flavored milkshake with a cupcake on top of it.  Not going to lie, that shake was mother-freaking delicious.  The burger joint that I went to is notorious for their strange milkshakes and burgers and it is NOT the place to go if you want to lose weight.



Either way, I've been continuing with the Zumba every day and last week, I checked my weight after months of avoiding scales and I was at a whopping 156 lbs.  Can you believe that???  Nearly 160!!!  I have never EVER been that big in my life.  I don't know if any veteran readers are reading this, but I did a post like a couple years back about how I was upset at being - what? - like 145 or something.  So yeah, I've surpassed the big 150 mark.  After I saw that scale, I've been pumping and jumping around like my life depended on it.  I also went out and got that colonic in a desperate attempt to rid my body of any excess weight that I might be able to drop with some quickness.  (Suffice it to say that was a real soul searching experience, 0_o).  Thank god the lady that worked with me was very "grandmommish." Grandmoms don't mind talking about poop.  I could do a whole post dedicated to that day, but I'll spare you.

Now I am on a journey to drop weight before I visit CA in April.  I have been counting calories and doing Zumba in an attempt to take in less than I put out.  So far I've been super hungry and the small portions that I've been eating don't seem like enough.  As I write this, I think about what healthy snacks I may have sitting around that I could nom on, but I can't think of one thing.  Because everything is like a million calories.  Even the healthy stuff.  It feels like you do 1 hour of Zumba to burn 400 calories and you eat one cracker and it's all down the drain.  Regardless, I am going to stay on this journey.  And I am actively seeking out healthy recipes.  Also, I plan on posting a few recipes myself.

In other words, help a sistah out.  If you know of a great recipe . . . leave it in the comments section or shoot me an email at Arnettagreen@gmail.com.  Send me good vibes and thanks in advance!

Diary of a Mad Unemployed Black Woman

I'm convinced that these companies are posting job openings just to make the economy look better.  I have been emailing this one station down the street from me for months.  They have been posting the same job since forever.  Last Thursday, I worked up the nerve to actually go to the place and hand in my reel along with a resume, some references and a cover letter.  I asked if it would be possible to speak to someone and  was told by the (very friendly) front desk person that the HR guy was too busy but that the next day would be better and I should just stop by then.  Well, I stopped by the next day and the HR guy walked right past me without saying a word.  And then I was told by the front desk person that he was too busy.  Too busy?!  Too busy to tell someone that "the job is no longer open"?  Too busy to say, "We're sorry but we're considering other candidates"?  Too busy to say, "You are perfect for the job but I just don't like your face, so please get out of here"?  I mean anything . . . tell me ANYTHING but at least have the decency and respect for me as a human being to speak.  I don't understand why I am getting the same exact response from all of these jobs  . . . which is no response whatsoever.  Well, actually I can understand it a little because for all of the other jobs, I just emailed or snail-mailed my resume.  But in this particular case, I was literally sitting in the lobby.  The ONLY person in that little-ass lobby, in that empty-ass building.  And the man was too "busy" to tell me anything.  Whatever.  And I know I sound crazy, right now.   But I can assure you, I did not stalk dude.  Actually, he emailed me 6 months ago and told me to apply to the job in the first place.  And when I did, I didn't hear back from him.  And then all of these months later, the job is open again and I sent another resume and followed up by stopping by the station to drop off my reel.  It's really not all that serious and I guess that's where my frustration comes from.  If I'd have been disrespectful or over the top, I could understand his ignoring/avoiding me.  But I have done nothing deserving of disrespect and the only thing I want to know is if the job is still available and if maybe - just maybe - I could get an interview.

Regardless, I am determined to do things on my own.  I will continue to work on my "brand" and try to get my little video productions going until one day I am successful.  Sometimes I consider going back to school and getting a Master's but I am obsessed with paying off my old student loans before making new ones.  On a more positive note, I am grateful that I have some experience under my belt and that I am not new to "the struggle."

Life will turn itself around.  I'm just wondering when and how.

Selling Out and other Randomness

It's not really official yet . . . but I gots a job. I will be working in sales at an insurance agency. Definitely not my first choice, but hey - work is work. At this point, I need to make as much money as I can and fortunately, this job has no commission cap. So I will hit the ground running and trying to get as many people as humanly possible, and with the amount of desperation hunger I have going on, I could see myself selling the sh** out of some insurance.

Granted, it won't be my proudest job. I was lamenting with the manfriend the other day about why I didn't go to school to become a doctor or something that added true value to the world like engineering or teaching, etc. But whatever, I can't do anything about it now. The economy is in the toilet, the price of education in this country is a f**ing nightmare and getting hired for the jobs that I am qualified for (Video Production) is practically impossible. This is truly one of those times in my life where I have to tap into some of my most unappealing survival instincts (greed, shameless-ness, numbness, aggressiveness and just plain not caring-ness) in order to accept the fact that I may just have to live my entire life without realizing ANY of my post-college dreams. Adapt or die, I guess.

*Sigh*

On the brighter side, it will give me something to do all day. And that can't hurt. I guess the main reason I'm feeling a little shamelessly "sell out-ish" is because I can't take it anymore. I don't want to continue to sacrifice my comfort in hopes of landing and/or working my way up to a great job that I'm passionate about. Now my passion has shifted to just making money. It's shifted to I want a washer/dryer - in my home. I want a home. I want to be a grown up and go to the dentist. Sometimes I feel guilty about that because I feel like I'm letting go of my dreams and moving back to the state that I was born in and settling for mediocrity - but the sad part is that, there's a large part of me that just feels numb about the whole thing. My mom says I will perk up once I actually start working. I think she's right.

On the human front - I want to get into cooking a bit more again. I'm pleased to find out that the majority of my friends have been tapping into their domesticated sides as well, so expect some posts about joint cooking sessions. I have some amazing new recipes.

So what's been getting my attention lately, you ask? (I know you didn't ask, but I don't care). Well, I heard about some 14 yr. old girl giving some guy a blow job at school with a bunch of other guys around watching. First of all, come on generation X . . . let's get it together. This is no bueno! I've also heard that the poor gal is getting a lot of mess for it too and personally, I think people should just give her a break. Sometimes the stupidity of what you did is enough punishment. (And I think everybody who is past the age of 25 and has made some mistakes in their life knows exactly what I'm talking about.) There are things that I've said and done that NOBODY but me and God knows about, and to this day I feel ashamed and angry at myself. So you know this girl must be kicking herself. But then again . . . with this generation . . . who knows?

I'm still intrigued, inspired and supportive of Occupy (insert place here). This is finally the reaction I've been expecting to see from the American people when it comes to all of the crazy stuff that's been happening as of late (like the banks getting bailed out a couple years back, or the economy taking a nose dive, or the monkey business going on in Congress). I like the idea that folks are starting to realize that electing someone (whether black, white, man, woman) doesn't mean that your needs are automatically going to get met and if you want something done you have to actually start demanding it yourself. I absolutely hate politics for that very reason. It tricks people into thinking that voting is the answer to all of their problems. (Nothing annoys me more than the "Vote or Die" people) And since we are only looking for individuals who are good at winning elections, we're not realizing that beyond the election - there should be some kind of improvement on American life regardless of who the candidate is. It doesn't matter if I voted for Mickey Mouse or didn't vote at all . . . if I pay taxes, I have a right to expect/demand certain things, point blank - period. And it's good to see that people seem to be understanding that now. I may go downtown to check out the Occupy Philadelphia movement this week, who knows?

What else?

Oh! I twitters. I'm still getting the hang of it but the name is Arnetta Green so follow me and I will gladly reciprocate. :-)

Last but not least . . .

I'm trying to do a diet. I have the Lose-It application on my iPad and it allows me to count each and every calorie. And I'M STARVING! I made the mistake of checking out one of my favorite blogs omg . . . awesome! and now I want to eat whatever I can get my hands on. I've counted calories using this app before, and it was just as difficult the last time. But right now I'm the biggest I've ever been and I'm trying to lose this 15 lbs. so I can feel like myself again. Hopefully, it'll all be worth it but got-dang it's hard. I didn't know that I was eating so many calories every day. It's like I'll eat a slice of bread and some meat and before I know it I've hit my 1500 calorie budget. I guess the trick is to eat more veggies because the meats and cheeses are seriously kicking my booty. Ugghhhh! A pork chop commercial just came on. Time to go to bed ( . . . and cry.)

Goodnight folks!

The Down-Side and the Up-Side

Well, it's been a while.

But to catch you up the interview never happened. I have never had so many things go wrong in one day. Long story short, it felt like the heavens opened up and the Universe took a sh** on my life. I don't really want to write down a lot of detail, but my boyfriend's car broke down on the way there and the rest went down in bad story history. Of course, no recruiter wants to hear a sob story about a broke down car or someone having to be late so my job prospect went up in smoke.

But out of the flames of this tragedy comes a phoenix of hope. Immediately after everything went down, my best friend invited me over to drown my tears in a glass of wine. I took a couple days to myself to rest and rethink my next move. After this, I started to realize that in order to survive, I'm going to have to lead my own destiny. I can't continue to beg someone to hire me. That's obviously not working. I have to create my own income. Maybe it's fear, maybe it's anger . . . but whatever the case is, I'm fed up. I have the education, the drive, the resources and it's time to stop basing my survival on someone else's perception of me. At the end of the day, my future can't rest on the shoulders of some middle-aged, white lady from human resources. I have to take my future into my own hands. And I'm ready to do that.

I'm a Statistic

Life has been truly crazy lately and in a moment of insanity I was going to delete this blog. Fortunately, a good friend told me that I should keep it. And thankfully, I listened.

Here's the deal . . . I'm unemployed. UNEMPLOYED!!! And it sucks monkey balls. I cannot describe to you the agony of applying to jobs. Never in my life have I felt so inadequate. Everyday I wake up, check my email and receive tons of messages from Career Builder, Jobfox, Monster, Linked in, TV jobs, Media Match, etc. but absolutely nothing from recruiters for jobs that I've actually applied for. I have sent out over 10 applications a day, every single day for over two months and haven't even gotten so much as an email or phone call back, much less an interview. It's exhausting, confusing and makes you want to jump off of a bridge.

Networking feels kind of awkward, but I do it anyway. I've even spent over $800 to go to a networking event, introduced myself and handed my card out to practically everyone I could find, followed up with emails and have yet to hear back. I took my resume to a professional resume writing service to see if there was anything I could do to increase my chances of getting a job and still nothing.

The confusing thing is that I'm qualified for the jobs I have applied for. I have all of the skills, requirements, references and years of experience. But I can't get a call back to save my life and the frustration is literally driving me crazy. I check my email every three seconds, think about outrageous ways to get my resume seen and am even starting to wonder if I've been blacklisted by "the man." I've been told that it's a reflection of the U.S. economy and I shouldn't take it personal. And while this may be true, it's hard not to take it personal when you read articles that tell you that finding a job is as simple as spelling everything correct on your resume and directly addressing a person from human resources in your cover letter.

I guess the worst part is feeling like the only person in this situation. I was telling my boyfriend that I need to join an unemployed person's therapy group. I'm just hoping that this country can get it together so I don't have to move back to Japan to find a decent job. So that's my little venting session.

Until then, I will continue to fight the good fight. Hopefully, someone will hire me.

100 Posts and Seriously Wondering What the Future Holds

So yeah, this is officially my 100th post and uh . . . I'm still alive. You may think I'm saying this because my blogging has been quite sporadic lately but that's not it. I'm saying this because I'm a survivor. Allow me to catch you up.

First things first, the man-friend lost his job. Yes. You read right. He lost his job the day before we went on our vacation. I would get into the details, but it was for a stupid reason and the management at his job are insecure, spineless, incompetent, dickwads that have been making really bad decisions that have lead to a lot of people being cut from that department (in the worst way) over the past year. Another thing, the manfriend makes literally about 3 times as much as I do (which translates to a whole lotta money) and it's going to be interesting seeing where this situation goes.

Second of all, we went on vacation and had to digest this information the whole time we were away. It was interesting the different transitions we went through, especially considering that we knew when we got back (Thursday) we were going to have only 2 weeks before I head off to Japan. So there was sadness, anger, more anger, numbness, confusion, laughter and later on, acceptance. We made the most of the trip and have been diving into the job hunt thing with high hopes and a whole lot of prayers.

So what this all boils down to is this . . . when I get back from Japan next year, (God-willing) the man-friend and pup will have started a new life somewhere without me. Can you imagine? I will be overseas, while my little family is picking up and moving and making all kinds of decisions that I can't be a part of. *Sigh* Life is crazy.

Either way, I am hoping for the best because the man-friend is the last person who deserves to be fired or looking for a job. He's always been that guy. You know? The "go to" guy who stays at work late emailing everyone to let them know what's going on, learning equipment and taking the initiative to create things while everyone else has long gone home and went to bed. He comes up with creative ideas (despite the fact that he doesn't get any credit for them) and has been respectful and personable to everyone in every department for the 17 years that he's been employed with the place . . . yes, 17 years. There have been times when he's gone to work and stayed so late that he comes back the next day and I've literally had to fix him a plate and drive it to the job for him. No one else has taken these kinds of initiatives and to tell you the truth, there's a teensy weensy part of me that is a little happy that he's gone from that place. Maybe this means that he will finally start looking into some management positions (something I have been pushing him to do for a while now, anyway).

One of the biggest arguments and problems that I've always had with the man-friend is his tendency to procrastinate and/or stay in a situation that is in desperate need of an upgrade. He just gets comfortable and won't budge, despite my aggressive nudging and hinting. To his credit I can be a super emotional, overly suspicious, cynical, paranoid, pain in the butt . . . BUT, I am still a female and my "wimmin's intuition" is rarely off target. So I'd been giving the old man hints that he should upgrade to another job for over a year now, and I think this kind of shows that I wasn't so crazy after-all. Either way, this wasn't the way I wished it would happen, but I guess it was necessary to whatever major change was meant to take place in our lives.

So enough of that . . . I have about 12 days left before I am on an airplane flying over the Pacific Ocean. It's been a little overwhelming lately with all of the parties and people wanting to meet up. Unfortunately, with all of the phone calls and "let's get together before you go" invitations, I have gotten just 3 donations to my ChipIn account to buy an Amazon Kindle (and one of them kind of doesn't count because it's from the man-friend). It's a little disappointing considering the many gifts and favors that I've given to friends over the years. I talked to my ex boyfriend this morning and he made a really good point. He says that I've done favors for people and given gifts, but that people don't appreciate it because they don't know the monetary value of what I've done. For example, I've provided services (on several occasions) for my friends that otherwise would have cost them thousands of dollars. My ex was saying that if I'd have provided an actual invoice that said, $2,500 (or whatever) that people would get a better idea of how much money they've saved or how much work was put into a project. I totally get what he was saying and agree with him, but at the end of the day I have just been blown away at the fact that it is taking this long for people to give . . . what? . . . $5 to my account after I've jumped at the opportunity to contribute to any major milestones in their lives. Also, I've always been proactive about helping my friends out, whereas I haven't received not one phone call asking if there is anything they can do/help me with. Am I taking this too far? Maybe I'm expecting too much. The man-friend has always said that I'm a really good friend and I go the extra mile for people but I always assumed that this was something that my friends would be willing to do for me in return. Guess I was wrong. (Insert sad face and womp, womp, wooomp sound effect).

Either way, I am gearing up to go to Japan and am quite sure that this will be the furthest thing from my mind when I arrive. I will be running around doing all kinds of stuff and will probably be missing my family, the man-friend and these same self-centered, inconsiderate friends that I've been moaning and complaining about in this post. Right now I am doing my best to spend as much time as possible with my doggy's daddy before I go (which isn't too hard because we have a lot more time to spend together now that he's unemployed . . . cue the laugh track). Oh, and highlight to our vacation (which was at Disney World by the way), one of the characters sees me and the man-friend walking arm and arm and says, "You guys look like a happy couple. I bet you're celebrating something!" and the man-friend says without missing a beat . . .

"We're celebrating the fact that I just got fired from my job!"

And then we just burst out laughing as the poor guy stood there looking at us with confusion. Needless to say, we have been curbing the stress of the situation by exercising our morbid sense of humor and actually, it's been effective.

So things are insane right now, but for some odd reason I believe they are going to get better. I hope they are going to get better.

And since when did Brian McKnight get a late night talk show? (Yes, I know that was mad random but his talk show is mad random. It's like, where the heck did it come from? I never even saw a commercial for it. Okay, I really need to go to bed, LOL)

Goodnight Brian McKnight. Goodnight everybody!

Last Day at Work and A Little Background on My Life

Today was my last day at work. After 5 years of blood, sweat and tears I have finally ended this chapter in my life. Everyone at my job was all pouty faced and sentimental . . . some of them (people who I've never seen acting like serious adults) telling me that they'd miss me, things aren't going to be the same without me and attempting to drop some words of wisdom on me before I took my final steps down the hallway leading out to the door. I took a bunch of pictures and got a little nostalgic at times, coming to terms with good and bad memories that will now be a part of my immediate and later on, distant past. Now some of yall might think I'm being a little dramatic right now, but this job was my whole life for 5 years. 5 YEARS!

Allow me to take you down memory lane for a minute.

In the Beginning . . .

It all started with an internship. My senior year of college, I decided that I needed to get an internship and immediately started going on hunts to look for one. At one media networking event for college students, I squeezed my way through a crowd to meet an asian reporter at one of the leading news stations in my area. She told me that I started looking for an internship waaay to late and the odds of me landing one at her station (the biggest one in town) or any station for that matter was slim to none. She then pointed in the direction of a lonely man standing in the corner and said, "Maybe you should try the people over at the WB." (Cue the "womp womp woooomp" sound effect.)

So fast forward a couple months, I managed to get accepted into an internship in a strange way. One day I was sitting at a panel discussion and a bunch of anchors, reporters, DJ's and maybe 2 executive heads were telling us college students about life working in news television, radio, and tv production. All of the students in the room were in typical college gear - you know, sweatshirts, pajama bottoms and flip flops. I wore a business suit and to this day, I think this was what helped me to stand out in this crowd of over 150 students. That and when the event was over, everyone bee-lined for the anchors, reporters and DJ's while yours truly made a bee-line over to the executive heads. "I want to be a director, how do I go about doing that?" I asked one of the executive heads that was especially staring at me during the panel discussion and handed her my resume. The lady (who'd just finished basically dismissing some dude in front of me with "yeah, yeah, uh huh, okay, thanks, bye!") said to me, "Wait one second! I am going to give you the cell phone number of our main guy. I want you to call him and if he says he's busy, you call him again and again, okay? Don't give up!" "Okay," I said and long story short, I called the guy, we arranged a meeting and the next thing you know I was getting water for the same asian reporter who told me I wouldn't get an internship anywhere.

Getting Hired . . . Or in My Case, Never Leaving

So I did my internship and tried as hard as I could to learn everything. Despite this one guy that was a major suck up in our little group of 5 maybe 6 people, I still managed to stand out amongst my peers. By the time the internship was drawing to a close, everyone knew who I was and what I intended to do. I applied for a million and one jobs after I graduated and ended up with a sucky temp job that had absolutely nothing to do with my field of study and was so boring that when I would arrive at the building every morning I would sit in my car for maybe 15 minutes crying and willing the place to implode. That didn't happen, but fortunately, an opening (for the lowest possible position) at the station I did my internship with opened up and I applied and landed the job. This was the beginning of my working odd hours. I worked Monday through Friday, from 4am to 8am earning 10 dollars an hour not counting, of course, the hour it took for me to get to the place because I lived 65 miles away. I made about one hundred dollars a week but when you subtract for toll and gas (and this was around the time gas prices skyrocketed) it was really more like 35 dollars a week. And I didn't even count the cell phone bill, because the cell phone stayed disconnected. So I did this for a while and would train on different machines for about 4 more hours after my shift ended. This and I volunteered my time to working as many major televised events as I possibly could (to the point that I am still notorious for being the girl who has at one time worked in every single department in the building). So yeah, I was hawngry!

Anywhoosits, all of that training finally paid off and I was able to land a much better paying job working overnight weekends and filling in during the week.

A Stepping Stone or a Slump?

I began this last job, hoping that it would be a stepping stone to my dream job and applied for different positions every weekend while at work. There were not a lot of responses, but I didn't care. I was working local events and busily building up my resume with special projects and live productions that my company would put on. After my resume got healthier, I began to get some feedback. I found myself driving out to interviews and at one point, was even flown out to an interview. Still, nothing. Rejection is a part of this industry, I told myself, one day I'll get something. A year passed by and I was still hungry, working as many hours as possible, applying for things and getting rejected. In the meantime, I became that friend. You know? The one that never gets out. My love life was pathetic and I found myself putting up with pretty-much anything so that I could have some kind of companionship.

Before I knew it, 3 years had passed by. At this point, I was feeling restless and worried that there was something terribly wrong with me and I would be stuck at this place forever. I was embarrassed and felt that I'd turned into the "former intern" who just couldn't seem to move on. I remember that particular year, someone said to me, "What happened? It seemed like you used to have goals but now . . . it's like you're stuck in a rut or something." That comment still pisses me off to this day, lol. Either way, I was in a strange place. A purgatory (if you will). Too qualified for the beginner jobs and not qualified enough for everything else. I worked enough to get by, but not enough to do anything more. I went into a depression, sneaking in and out of my job using the backdoor stairwell. I stopped speaking to people, would break into tears at my desk and found myself sitting outside of the building and praying for the place to explode. Also, my boyfriend at the time (who was also one of my coworkers - yeah, I know, bad idea) was cheating on me and it also didn't help that a really ugly rumor was flying around about me at work. So I did what everybody does when they're going through some ish in life . . . I took my butt to church.

This lifted my spirits to a degree and allowed me to put my energies toward something that felt more fulfilling. I started to inadvertently let things go. Like my apartment. It took up about 75% of my paycheck and at this point in my life, I started dating the man-friend and spent most of my time at his place anyway so I (verbally) decided that I was going to move into another apartment but ended up just crashing with him instead. So a year goes by, and I'm still mailing out applications to no avail. My relationship with coworkers began to cool off since I didn't see them as much and I began hanging with my church friends and involving myself in more "spiritual" activities. I decided that I didn't want my job to become my life, but still attempted to find something full-time. This time, I kept my mouth shut about any job prospects, thinking that maybe I'd been jinxing myself all these years. I stayed focused and to a degree, got a little bit of my "strength" back when it came to dealing with rejections. Within that 2 year period, I saw 4 of my closest friends get engaged, get married and have children. I never got jealous of them because I knew that wasn't my path in life, but I continued to wonder when my life was going to finally take that dramatic twist and I would land the television job of my dreams.

A Revelation

So whilst having a typical (or long) conversation with my mom about life, the topic of applying for jobs came up and my mother says, "Arnetta, I think you're going to have to seriously consider looking outside of the box."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Maybe you should look for jobs outside of this area," she replied.

"I already do that."

"Yeah, but maybe you should look into doing something different (pause) something different and far away," she said, hesitating for a moment. "I don't know . . . something told me to tell you that."

"Okay," I said.

And the rest is history.

26 Days.

Officially Off the Hampster Wheel

So for those of you who (actively) follow me . . . does anyone remember the job interview post I did a couple months ago? You know?

Well, it didn't exactly go like that, but hopefully the picture (which is also a link) rings a bell. Now does anyone remember that this whole "job opportunity" came up at the same exact time that I had to purchase my plane ticket for Japan? Also, does anyone remember that I interviewed for the position because one of the head honchos at my job was really adament about my applying for it? Remember how he answered all of my post-interview questions as if I already had the job (i.e. "When are you looking to fill the position Mr. So-and-so?" "Well, when will you be done with you're current job, Arnetta?") Does anyone remember how I (for a split second) wondered whether I should consider taking this job, rather than going to Japan because it seemed like it was "already in the bag"? And I did that post asking everyone which side they were on . . . team Japan or team "stay my butt at home - with the manfriend and pup - in the United States"? Remember how I haven't really wrote anything about it since?

Well that was 2 months ago and believe it or not, I still have not heard anything back from the guy. (Not that I care at this point). But let me give you some background as to what happened after the interview. I called the guy up every other day to find out if the position had been filled to which he always said, "No, but I will let you know next week." I dropped a "Thank You" note on his desk a week and a half after the interview, to cover all bases. I made sure to show my face around the area in order to show that I am actively engaged in the workplace (or something like that). Now allow me to mention that I have some "over-achiever" issues. In other words, I am always going to try to do things to the best of my ability. So despite the fact that I had the Japan job in the bag, I didn't want to slack on my interview because that's just not my style. And regardless of knowing that this job may not have been what I wanted at this time in my life, I was still going to beat out the competition and go for it like I wanted it. (And yes, deep down I kind of wanted it....it's what I went to school for after all.)

So time passed by and I got more involved with another project and pretty much gave up hope for the job that I'd interviewed for. I figured that after all of this time, I probably didn't get it anyway and I was thankful that I ended buying the plane ticket to Japan. (And a special shout out to Islandbaby and Stephanie for voicing your "team Japan" opinions.) So the day that I gave my two weeks notice (last week) I heard through a bird that they offered the position that I interviewed for to some random outsider and that she TURNED IT DOWN because it was part-time and had LOUSY HOURS. Allow me to be petty for a moment.

Aaaagh hahahahahaha!!!! In your FACE!!!! You could have just hired me! I was ready and willing to do that job months years ago but now I'm heading out to a different country! Good luck finding another sucker to waste 5 years of their life doing overnight weekends.

Ahem! All right, I'm back. But seriously, if I didn't already believe the devil existed before this . . . I would be a believer right about now. Could you imagine if I didn't buy that plane ticket, how hard I would be kicking myself?! That whole situation was set up perfectly. I had the job that I'd always wanted being dangled in front of me like a carrot, at the very moment that I decided to tear myself away from the hampster wheel and attempt to live a fulfilling life. It still makes me shiver.

Either way, now I am POSITIVE that I was supposed to leave my current job and that although I am making a life altering decision and will be away from my man, my family, my friends, and my son dog, everything is going to be okay and I will finally start living the fulfilling life that God has in store for me. I guess that was the final mental boundary that I had to break through in order to take this huge leap. So at this point, all doubts have been removed and the countdown begins.

Off to Japan in exactly 30 days.

Food, Glorious Food!

It's official. The Master Cleanse is over. I sat down and had a (small) bowl of romaine lettuce covered with granny smith apples, gorgonzola cheese, spiced walnuts and tangy dried cranberries drizzled in italian dressing. Hold on . . . I'm having an orgasm. Ahhh yes!!!

Anywho, I found the gym that I would like to join. Being that we are on the verge of experiencing THE STORM OF THE CENTURY, CENTURY, CENTURY, I won't be able to go until Monday. So until then, I will have to behave myself until I can work it on out. I'm excited and can't wait to get started.

All right, what's going on in my little corner of the world? I have my interview for the ---- job on Monday. For all of you "pro-Japan" people, this does not mean I'm giving up on Japan. I'm just weighing all options and seeing if these folks will make me an offer "I can't refuse." Either way, the man-friend (for his own selfish reasons) hopes that I get this job. My mother is thinking it's a sign from God. Me? I stopped thinking a long time ago.

Ummm . . . what else? Nothing really. Let me get back to watching "Confessions of a Shopaholic." Thank god for instant viewing on Netflix. Some movies should never grace a television screen, lol.

Day 2 of the Master Cleanse Diet and Some Other Stuff Too

Day 2 of the Master Cleanse diet. I had a little headache last night as well as this morning. Also, I've been getting some serious stomach cramps. Still, I drunk my laxative tea and will be drinking my lemonade soon. Fun! Oh, and before I move onto the next subject I really want to say that I'm not hungry, so much as craving certain foods. The lemonade is still tasty, but everything else just looks and smells sooo much tastier. Sidenote: 3 hours of my day yesterday was spent tutoring my former-coworker on some software while she snacked on Tostitos and complained about the spicy salsa and her ex-husband. I wanted to kill myself. Onto more interesting topics . . .

Life Gets Complicated

In order to supplement my (lousy) income, I am working (temporarily) on an award show and got the chance to talk on the phone with "Mr. Huxtable" himself. The great Bill Cosby (and no, he didn't ask me if I wanted any pudding pops, daaaw!) He was delightful, but his involvement in my work puts a whole lot of pressure on me to do a good job.

Since our phone conversation, I've been running around getting things done for a video package I am putting together for him and one of the people I have to interview for the package works at my regular job. So while talking to the woman about the interview, my old manager walks past. To give you some background on the manager, he played a very big part in giving me a chance to actually work at my job in the first place. The lady I was interviewing beckons the guy over and asks him why he didn't come over to speak to us. The manager stands motionless, looking at . . . scratch that . . . grilling me.

"I'm mad at Arnetta," he says with the icey cold stare that he always gives me. He's like the really mean dad that I never wanted. Of course, both me and the lady break into the "whyyyy?" chorus like 2 whining children.

"Because there's a (blank) job open and she didn't even apply for it. Never asked me about it. Nothing."

Then there's silence. He does an about face and walks away. Now I'm going to pause things right there and mention that I have not been able to move up at my current job for over 3 years. I have been at the same part-time, overnight, weekend job for the past 3 years. Let me repeat that . . . OVERNIGHT, WEEKEND . . . 3 YEARS (that should give you an idea of my social life). Any attempt that I've made to move up has been ignored or brushed off. It has been my all time dream to move to a specific position at my job and everyone knows it. People have been lobbying for 5 years to get me to that position with no luck. Now, the job is open.

Problem: I am moving to Japan in May.

The job that he is speaking about has been on the company website for a month. I knew about it, and it hurt my heart to know that it was open, but my mind was already set on Japan so I never even thought about applying. I put so many years of my life going after this position only to be laughed at and told that I would never get it (at such a big company). That it wasn't possible. I was told that I should move to a smaller job market and try working my way up elsewhere. And after years of hearing this, I decided to stop wasting my life working overnight/weekends while everyone around me was getting married, moving up in life, traveling around the world and working interesting jobs.

Either way, I am seriously considering putting my heart on the line (again) and applying for the job. After all of the people I told about my going to Japan . . . after all of the money I spent for passports, documents, and insurance policies . . . after hiring a travel agent . . . after SIGNING A CONTRACT, I am considering not going at all. It makes me sick to my stomach to think about all of the crow I'd have to eat and all of the things I'd have to sacrifice if I end up staying. Of course another problem would be regret. The position would require that I work odd hours (again) and it's still only part time. So while sitting at work on a Saturday morning, will I be kicking myself for not going to Japan?

Downside to Japan

If I take the job in Japan, would I be giving up on a goal that I took 5 years of my life trying to attain? Would all of those years have been for nothing? Would I be burning a bridge?

It all comes down to whether I apply for this job and get it. For all I know, I could just get turned down anyway.

Either way, I have a bunch of crap to sort out. Time to drop off this resume!

(Oh, and Steph over at Not the Oxygen featured my guest post on her blog today, so check it out. Her blog is great and I am honored to be a part of it :-)

The Verdict Is In

I checked my email for the millionth time today and finally got a reply from the job teaching English in Japan. The verdict: I've been extended an offer for employment. Right now, I feel nothing-which is no surprise. My reactions to big events are always extremely delayed. There's a good chance that 2 months from now I will be writing the longest post about how I feel, getting offered this job overseas. For now, I'm just sitting on my couch with a blank expression on my face.

Maybe I'll write more when I am no longer in shock.

Operation Overhaul

In an attempt to salvage myself from regret and boredom, I have decided to attempt a complete overhaul on my life. Currently, I am working at a job where there is no room for growth . . . I believe dead end job is the phrase, right? So yeah, dead-end job, sucky hours, and only one goal under my belt. Which was to land this job in the first dang place. But now that I have it, after over 3 long years, I am feeling a bit ungrateful. So that means it's time to move on and leave this job to someone who's willing to settle and never be promoted.

So the big plan is this . . . ready? Within 6 months, I plan on starting afresh. I am open to pretty much anything but here's what I got on the list thus far . . .

Plan A:
Apply to teach English overseas in Japan. If chosen, the process takes 2 to 6 months. (I'm crossing my fingers, that if accepted, they take the maximum time of 6 months) So for the time being, I would bide out my time at my current job (for about 3, 4 months) and then move onto a seasonal job that I pick up every year - which would start in February and end in April. And then move on to teach the future of Japan. If I'm not chosen to teach Japanese youngins, I'd move onto plan B. Which is . . .

Plan B:
I would bide out my time at my current job, until the desired seasonal job comes in. After that contract ends, I would start selling personalized art. Sidenote: I'm a pretty artistic person (I mainly paint and sketch) and all of my friends and family (who I've done multiple portraits of) wonder why I don't just become a professional artist. Soooo, I'm currently taking some ceramics classes and plan to put their hunches to the test. I used to be scared of becoming a "starving artist" but when I think about it, I'd be just as much of a failure if I just sat here and let life pass me by.

Now the downside to Plan A is that I would have to leave my friends, family and most importantly my dog (and his human father) behind; which would break my heart. My dog is like my child and the thought of not having him with me eats at my innards. LOL, sorry had to laugh at how that sounds. But seriously, he's like my little sidekick. The only consolation I have is that I know he would be in good hands. Another downside would be going so far away from my family. There's a part of me that always worries about something terrible happening while I am away.

Now the downside to having to roll onto Plan B is that I wouldn't get to travel and have adventures in Japan. How awesome would it be to go overseas and get paid to experience a different country and work with Japanese Gerber faces? (Gerber faces = children in Arnetta speak) I grew up pretty poor and never really had the opportunity to travel. As a college student, I couldn't borrow from mom or dad to backpack around Europe and as an adult, I find myself lending out money here and there to help struggling relatives. So saving up 4 to 6,000 dollars for a trip has always been kind of a luxury.

So that's what's on the calendar. Feel free to add any suggestions people . . . I'm all ears.