Yes, it's inevitable that I talk about this case. Don't worry . . . it will be quick.
First of all, the whole thing is a tragedy. This young man lost his life, for no reason at all. Of course, there are a bunch of stories emerging about how Trayvon wasn't the most innocent boy in the world or that maybe he initiated the fight and got a few good hits in on the man that ultimately ended up murdering him. Regardless, who gives a shit? Honestly. The boy paid for it with his life. And if you want me to get really real, if it came down to blows with Trayvon and Mr. Zimmerman, who's to say that Trayvon wouldn't have been justified? Who's to say that Mr. Zimmerman didn't look suspicious to Trayvon? Maybe TM felt he needed to defend himself. You got some weirdo following you around in a car and then gets out of his car and approaches you . . . what would you do? You can run or you can fight. Is there a law in Florida that says you can kill someone that looks intimidating to you but you can't punch them? At the end of the day, the boy couldn't win. Regardless, I will leave it to the professionals to do the investigating. Hopefully the authorities will address this obviously mishandled situation with respect for what's fair, regardless of the boy's race and Zimmerman's connections to the police force AND Florida's idiotic gun law.
And I know there's a huge race element to this whole situation. As I've read and heard all over the place, it's forcing folks to revisit the topic of race relations in America. I honestly don't even want to go there. I think any time Black people talk about race, it gives everyone the opportunity to play the "'using the race card' card." And I don't want to give anyone that kind of power. I don't want to argue with anyone about whether racism exists or not. I think that the focus needs to be on the gun law. Nobody should have the right to kill people on the sole basis of feeling intimidated. Here's a quick story - the other day my boyfriend and I watched as a suspicious, hooded figure proceeded to walk up the stairs to our front door and just stand there for a while before he bent over and began tying his shoes. Mind you, we were right behind him wondering what the f*** he was doing (and I was dialing 9-1-1) while peering over the boyfriend's shoulders like a scared housewife. The boyfriend addressed the guy, asked him what he was doing. Dude told him that he was just tying his shoes before going over to his garage (the apartment garages happen to be next to our apartment.) My boyfriend gave him the "okay, just keep it moving then" vibes and we watched the guy wobble away. (He was super drunk by the way). But the whole point to this story is that the guy looked scary as shit. (Again, I'm just being real). Not only did he have a hood on and we couldn't see his face, but he literally walked up to our apartment and stood at our door. Did that give my boyfriend the right to shoot him and end his life? What if the Florida gun law applied in PA? If my boyfriend shot and killed that man, then and there, and then after the fact it was proven that dude was just a discombobulated drunkard who was lost . . . then what? In reality, the whole situation worked out very nicely. Dude took his hood down, looked us dead in the eye and apologized, the boyfriend and our huge American Bulldog walked out and watched him make it to his garage safely - which he was not lying, he really did have a garage - and the night ended with no loss of life. I understand that not all things work out that way but at the end of the day, we can't resort to shooting people. If you have a gun, that gives you even more reason to be thorough before you pull a trigger.
I've always believed that guns are for cowards and every day that goes by, I believe it even more. I always joke around (not really joking) and tell the boyfriend that if it came down to it and the world became an apocalyptic war torn country where everyone carried guns, I will be the first one shot dead because I refuse to walk around like Quick-Draw McGraw, living in fear with a coward's weapon trembling in my hand. I wouldn't want to live like that. I already grew up in the hood. Rather than relive that nightmare, I'd rather just get it all over with and meet Jesus in the new kingdom. After living in a country like Japan where it's illegal for people to carry handguns, I cannot stress enough how peace of mind is priceless. At 27 years old, I experienced for the first time, being able to walk down a street alone at night without any fear of being shot. I don't know that I'll ever have that feeling in this country, but I think that after experiencing it that one time - I will NEVER EVER support any law that lets regular people walk around with a machine that allows you to take someone's life away from them. Life is too precious to be given such a dishonorable, cheap and cowardly end. And I think if anyone is willing to recklessly pull a trigger and make a HUGE decision that takes someone's life and changes the lives of that person's family and friends forever, they should be willing to face some consequences that will change their life as well.
Okay, that's all. Sorry I wrote more than I planned.
Goodnight!
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Religion and Everything Else
Today is one of those days where I feel like popping one of these . . .
In other words, I may say some things that I don't mean. Or who knows? Maybe I'm going to be realer than I've ever been. Either way, it's not all bad news. Actually, my life is coming together okay. My money came through and I ordered a couple GRE books so I can start studying. Also, I shot an episode of my web series last week and I even bought a ticket to visit one of my best friends in California. On top of this, I just landed a part time job and it'll be nice to get a little paycheck coming in.
Outside of all this, I have been pondering some of life's mysteries. Religion for instance. Most days I can do the church thing, but lately . . . I don't have the mind for it. Reading the bible and applying its principles is fine but everything else gives me a headache. Going to church. Having to talk to people. It just feels like a waste of time to me. I'd rather be at home getting work done. I don't imagine that I'll be penalized for it. I don't see God striking me down for not following religion and maybe that's my problem. Religion is pretty much built on the idea that God will strike you down if you don't actually follow it. And that's what I don't believe. Yet I still go. And it's days like this that I ask myself . . . "why?" Regardless, I will wake up and drag myself to church and no doubt get inspired. It's just everything else that gets on my nerves. The guilt. The feeling that I'm required to do more. There's no such thing as a free lunch, I guess.
Speaking of religion...I talked to a friend a couple days. The guy from this post. We haven't talked in months. He hit me up a little after I returned from Japan but after that we kind of lost track. To be honest, I let it happen because the boyfriend was feeling uncomfortable with my talking with him. Either way, I was hanging out with my New Jersey family and ran into my friend. We talked a little about my web series and being that my friend is very funny, I told him that I'd love for him to be in an episode. He invited me to his place because he and his roommates were having a party. So . . . I went. (Sorry boyfriend!) The place was very "frat-housey" complete with beer, bongs, really loud "white people music" (heavy metal and I mean really HEAVY) and a bunch of weirdos. The only thing was, everybody was like thirty, forty years old. So me and my friend walk in, my friend is obviously high as a kite. His eyes are red and he's really laid back. He also looked really skinny and that made me realize that it'd really been a long time since I last talked to him. So, he invited me up to his room and I had to measure whether I felt safer listening to the loud Satanic music pumping from the basement or whether I should just risk getting raped upstairs in his room. After a while, his room felt like the better option. So we go to his room, where it's quiet and we can talk. I drank a beer and laid back on a futon chair, feeling super relaxed.
Until he starts telling me stories about his life since I was in Japan. At first it started with him telling me that he predicted the earthquake, amongst a bunch of other predictions that he said he'd made about me including my taking up knitting, to my getting back to America a week before the tsunami hit. (Which he was wrong, because I got back like almost a month before it hit . . . but I've been telling everyone a week, because, honestly, it sounds better.) Either way, he was essentially telling me that he was a prophet. Fine. Plenty of religious people think they're prophets. Everybody wants to be important. I gave him that. Life is short. He goes on to tell me about how his grandmother passed away, which was really sad. I told him that I was sorry to hear that. But then he goes on to tell me that he went up to heaven with her. Mmmkay . . . 0_o So from the heaven story he went into his "breaking into" WWE story which, from the way he told it, meant that he drove his car there at night and got a back stage pass. Also, he feels he was reincarnated from someone in the bible and that he is spoken about in Revelations and that Satan himself is going to murder him. It was creepy, weird and at the end of the day sad. I'm hearing this guy go on and on while hearing all kinds of crazy Marilyn Manson music being shouted from the floors beneath us (live band, by the way) and listening to my friend tell me about how he is going to be murdered by the devil and that he is a prophet of God and can control the weather and that essentially the apocalypse and the fate of the world depends on him. But honestly, the only thing I could feel was overwhelming sadness for him. Because it seemed like he was in a place that was so dark, that I couldn't begin to imagine how he got there or if he could get out. My heart really hurt for this guy. And throughout his stories, he kept making references to my being in Japan. He was telling me that he was on a journey, just like I went on my journey. And I wanted to tell him, "Our journeys have nothing to do with each other." I don't know how to explain it but it felt like he was affected by my trip more than I ever knew. He told me that God gave him a bunch of wisdom and he's consciously chosen not to live a life where he gets married, has children or does certain things (I'm guessing career-wise) because he chose wisdom and nothing else. He then asked me what my goals/plans are. I told him that I planned to move to CA and get my Master's. Suddenly, he got a little somber. He asked me when I was leaving. I told him. A quick moment of silence. We talked some more and then I left. A couple days later he sent me a text, asking when I was going to be shooting the next episode of my web series. I told him, in a couple weeks. I guess this wasn't soon enough because he replied, "I want to see you. If you're going to CA, I want us in a better place than before when you left for Japan." Sadly, I can't say that I was thinking about the guy before I left for Japan. I really wasn't. As for why he feels it's important for us to "be in a better place" I have absolutely no idea on earth. But if he needs a friend, I can be that. I just hope that whatever this is - depression, insanity, whatever - he gets the help that he needs because I doubt being a listening ear can be the solution to whatever demons he seems to be fighting. He told me that he's alienated from his family now and after talking to him for 2 hours, I totally understand why. It's just crazy how things happen in life.
So that's all for now. There's more, but I'm tired.
Goodnite!
Outside of all this, I have been pondering some of life's mysteries. Religion for instance. Most days I can do the church thing, but lately . . . I don't have the mind for it. Reading the bible and applying its principles is fine but everything else gives me a headache. Going to church. Having to talk to people. It just feels like a waste of time to me. I'd rather be at home getting work done. I don't imagine that I'll be penalized for it. I don't see God striking me down for not following religion and maybe that's my problem. Religion is pretty much built on the idea that God will strike you down if you don't actually follow it. And that's what I don't believe. Yet I still go. And it's days like this that I ask myself . . . "why?" Regardless, I will wake up and drag myself to church and no doubt get inspired. It's just everything else that gets on my nerves. The guilt. The feeling that I'm required to do more. There's no such thing as a free lunch, I guess.
Speaking of religion...I talked to a friend a couple days. The guy from this post. We haven't talked in months. He hit me up a little after I returned from Japan but after that we kind of lost track. To be honest, I let it happen because the boyfriend was feeling uncomfortable with my talking with him. Either way, I was hanging out with my New Jersey family and ran into my friend. We talked a little about my web series and being that my friend is very funny, I told him that I'd love for him to be in an episode. He invited me to his place because he and his roommates were having a party. So . . . I went. (Sorry boyfriend!) The place was very "frat-housey" complete with beer, bongs, really loud "white people music" (heavy metal and I mean really HEAVY) and a bunch of weirdos. The only thing was, everybody was like thirty, forty years old. So me and my friend walk in, my friend is obviously high as a kite. His eyes are red and he's really laid back. He also looked really skinny and that made me realize that it'd really been a long time since I last talked to him. So, he invited me up to his room and I had to measure whether I felt safer listening to the loud Satanic music pumping from the basement or whether I should just risk getting raped upstairs in his room. After a while, his room felt like the better option. So we go to his room, where it's quiet and we can talk. I drank a beer and laid back on a futon chair, feeling super relaxed.
Until he starts telling me stories about his life since I was in Japan. At first it started with him telling me that he predicted the earthquake, amongst a bunch of other predictions that he said he'd made about me including my taking up knitting, to my getting back to America a week before the tsunami hit. (Which he was wrong, because I got back like almost a month before it hit . . . but I've been telling everyone a week, because, honestly, it sounds better.) Either way, he was essentially telling me that he was a prophet. Fine. Plenty of religious people think they're prophets. Everybody wants to be important. I gave him that. Life is short. He goes on to tell me about how his grandmother passed away, which was really sad. I told him that I was sorry to hear that. But then he goes on to tell me that he went up to heaven with her. Mmmkay . . . 0_o So from the heaven story he went into his "breaking into" WWE story which, from the way he told it, meant that he drove his car there at night and got a back stage pass. Also, he feels he was reincarnated from someone in the bible and that he is spoken about in Revelations and that Satan himself is going to murder him. It was creepy, weird and at the end of the day sad. I'm hearing this guy go on and on while hearing all kinds of crazy Marilyn Manson music being shouted from the floors beneath us (live band, by the way) and listening to my friend tell me about how he is going to be murdered by the devil and that he is a prophet of God and can control the weather and that essentially the apocalypse and the fate of the world depends on him. But honestly, the only thing I could feel was overwhelming sadness for him. Because it seemed like he was in a place that was so dark, that I couldn't begin to imagine how he got there or if he could get out. My heart really hurt for this guy. And throughout his stories, he kept making references to my being in Japan. He was telling me that he was on a journey, just like I went on my journey. And I wanted to tell him, "Our journeys have nothing to do with each other." I don't know how to explain it but it felt like he was affected by my trip more than I ever knew. He told me that God gave him a bunch of wisdom and he's consciously chosen not to live a life where he gets married, has children or does certain things (I'm guessing career-wise) because he chose wisdom and nothing else. He then asked me what my goals/plans are. I told him that I planned to move to CA and get my Master's. Suddenly, he got a little somber. He asked me when I was leaving. I told him. A quick moment of silence. We talked some more and then I left. A couple days later he sent me a text, asking when I was going to be shooting the next episode of my web series. I told him, in a couple weeks. I guess this wasn't soon enough because he replied, "I want to see you. If you're going to CA, I want us in a better place than before when you left for Japan." Sadly, I can't say that I was thinking about the guy before I left for Japan. I really wasn't. As for why he feels it's important for us to "be in a better place" I have absolutely no idea on earth. But if he needs a friend, I can be that. I just hope that whatever this is - depression, insanity, whatever - he gets the help that he needs because I doubt being a listening ear can be the solution to whatever demons he seems to be fighting. He told me that he's alienated from his family now and after talking to him for 2 hours, I totally understand why. It's just crazy how things happen in life.
So that's all for now. There's more, but I'm tired.
Goodnite!
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Act Like a Woman, Think Like a Man
Taking a little break from the web series stuff this week and wanted to talk about something that makes me chuckle to myself. I'm sure everyone's heard about the Steve Harvey book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. And then there's the movie that's coming out with the same name. Now there's a J-hud, Neo Rick Ross song called Think Like a Man.
Now the book, song and movie all have the same thing in common. They're pretty-much telling women that they should think like men. That's the main focus. Okay, whatever. I get it. But what about the "Act Like a Lady" part? I think that's where I'm having trouble, lol. I was raised in a family with all women. 1 Single parent mom, 2 aunts, 2 sisters, a half sister and 1 step sister. You would have thought that with all of this estrogen, I would have gotten at least one feminine trait. The boyfriend argues with that...thank god! (He's one of the few guys that can overlook my weirdness).
Either way, I could use some Act Like a Lady lessons in these 3 areas . . .
1. Clothing - I know that mixing and matching clothing and styles is "in" now, but I don't think that the clothes I wear is what fashionistas have in mind. Kid you not, my every day, lounging around the house "go to" style is an oversized red, Coca-cola T-shirt tucked into a faded, black, chiffon skirt with long, white socks. It looks HORRIBLE. The only reason the boyfriend likes this outfit is because I only wear it when I don't feel like wearing underwear which is like everyday. Ladylike? I didn't think so. And when I leave the privacy of my own home, it's no better. My version of getting dressed up is putting on jeans. And I can't wear high heels for longer than a half hour.
2. Getting Out the Car - Can't do it. Correction, can't do it without looking like a dude. And if I'm wearing heels...just leave me in the damned thing. The struggling and grunting that accompanies my getting out of a car is laughable and then a little sad. Yeah, lessons please.
3. Chit-chat - I SUCK at "lady-like" chit chat. I snort when I laugh and like to talk about things that are gross. For example, pooping. That is like my favorite subject . . . pooping and movies.
So yeah, any help would be appreciated. How about somebody focusing on the "Act Like a Lady" part of the book for a change?
Just a thought. :-)
On another note...
I'm planning on applying to grad school. Yes, you heard me. All of those worries about being in debt for the rest of my life have taken a back seat to my worries about letting life pass me by. I can't take another year of sitting in this living room applying to a bunch of low level jobs because I don't have the skills necessary to land something better. I went to college so I wouldn't have to worry about that. It's obvious that our country has shifted and now you need more than a 4 year degree to get thebig normal, middle-class dollars. Apparently, the only person that didn't know that was me. So it's time to get my ish together. When you know better . . . (sigh) Either way, my plan is to move to California. My timeline is August of this year. I have to take my GRE's and start doing research. The thought of all of the work I have to do is a little scary, but exciting. It's time to take another big chance. I don't know if this is the direction God wants me to go in, but I'm getting tired of guessing what's going on with the Big Guy's plans for me. He's a little hard to read these days, so I'm just going to go for it and regret (or celebrate) it later, like I've done my whole life. I think it's safe to say that I suck at reading the "signs."
This plan kind of gives me the same feelings that I felt when I was about to leave for Japan. Doubts, fears, excitement, adventure, confusion, worry, happiness, everything. I'm just a big mixture of feelings. Am I really going to go through with this? Ahhh. But it's coming. Something's definitely coming, I can feel it. So, as I've been telling everybody these days . . .
Send me good vibes people!
On another note...
I'm planning on applying to grad school. Yes, you heard me. All of those worries about being in debt for the rest of my life have taken a back seat to my worries about letting life pass me by. I can't take another year of sitting in this living room applying to a bunch of low level jobs because I don't have the skills necessary to land something better. I went to college so I wouldn't have to worry about that. It's obvious that our country has shifted and now you need more than a 4 year degree to get the
This plan kind of gives me the same feelings that I felt when I was about to leave for Japan. Doubts, fears, excitement, adventure, confusion, worry, happiness, everything. I'm just a big mixture of feelings. Am I really going to go through with this? Ahhh. But it's coming. Something's definitely coming, I can feel it. So, as I've been telling everybody these days . . .
Send me good vibes people!
Saturday, February 18, 2012
I Need a Person
I rarely ever use blogger to vent. In fact, I am not very good at posting on a regular basis. Maybe because I know that my significant other reads this or maybe just because I usually always have someone to vent to (sorry, Mom for making your ears bleed - lol). But today is one of those days where I need to pour out my soul.
So, those new memes that have started to appear on facebook? You know . . .
So yeah, that's mine. :-) And boy is it true! Downed 2 excedrin 3 hours ago and still waiting for them to kick in.
Regardless, I have a member of my crew (an old college friend) that I would like to fire. I am convinced that he is trying to sabotage my web series. Here is the list of things that he's done (thus far) to make me want to end his life.
- Told me that he wanted to be the casting director for my project and proceeds to book a room to use for auditions on Saturday at 2pm. On Saturday, he accepts the responsibility of babysitting his 7 and 10 year old nieces.
- At precisely 1:45pm (after his car dies and we jump it), he tells me that he has to go pick someone else up.
- I tell him to do whatever the hell he wants (even though I've never held an audition before) because shit, it's 2pm and I don't have time to worry about it. However, he has his 2 (bad ass) nieces, which he proceeds to leave with me while he goes out to pick up the 3rd person - who must be important - because why the hell would the casting director leave his own auditions unless it was for something important?
- He heads out to pick up another child. (Because he works in an after school program and saw THIS AUDITION as a great opportunity to show the kid something positive.) Comes to the audition 45 minutes later with no kid (because said kid was not even home.)
- Asked to play the DJ on the first episode and did not bring ANY DJ'ing equipment.
- Showed up late for the first episode because he had a prior engagement.
- Stood outside of prior engagement hanging out and talking to people (because - despite the fact that he knew I was waiting for him - he didn't know I was waiting across the street).
- Twice in a row, has either over-casted an episode or under-casted. Today 3 people showed up for the same part, and two people didn't even show up AT ALL. (My head is pounding as I type this). In other words, for 2 of the three episodes that we shot, we didn't have the people we needed - which is a HUGE freaking deal.
- Keeps bringing people with NO ACTING EXPERIENCE to play roles in the web series. Lies and says these people will be "great" and proceeds to tell people not to mention that they have no experience.
- Tells people they have roles that they do not have and then proceeds to manipulate the production so that these people can have these roles.
- Is annoying, makes funny sounds during taping, talks too damn much and does nothing but text people while we are shooting.
- Argues everything.
So that's that. He is one of the main characters in the show, unfortunately, and while dude can act his ass off, I can't wait to fire him as the casting guy. This was his last day (as casting director) and from this point on, I plan on casting my own show.
I Need a Person
One thing that I keep saying throughout this production is "I need a person." Nobody seems to get what that means (which is understandable - because I'm surrounded by "persons"). But the fact that nobody gets this serves to me as even more evidence that I need a person. So allow me to explain. When I was in Japan, I made a best friend. A soul-mate, if you will. She was "my person." I could walk into a room and without so much as an explanation, I could ask her, "hat or scarf?" and she would be like "Scarf!" I would sit down and a warm cup of tea would appear in front of me. It was like we were always communicating, even when we weren't. It kind of felt like in those movies when the two heroes would be back to back, fighting off the enemy, moving in a circle, kicking ass. Unfortunately, she lives in California now and I have no one. Don't get me wrong, I have some best friends out here on the East Coast - including the signif. other, but I don't have a "person." And this peeves the S.O. because he would like to consider himself my "person."
But, he's not.
So while I'm shooting, these are the things that I end up dealing with . . .
- Doing audio (because I'm the audio person)
- Making sure everyone is okay
- Introducing myself and explaining the scenes to the actors (the ones who actually bother to show up)
- Answering questions
- Deciding how the scene will be shot visually and logistically (being that we are missing actors)
- Moving things out the way
- Giving people directions to my home
- Trying to keep the production moving because we're "losing daylight"
- Telling people how to say their lines
- Making sure everyone has their script
Now these are all things that I don't mind doing, but some of these things could stand to be outsourced - and if I had "a person" they would know that. For example, I asked my S.O. if he could run out and grab some food before people arrived. Unfortunately, he ended up on a 45 minute phone call with his sister. When he got off the phone, he proceeded to clean the apartment from top to bottom, insisting that we move the furniture around to get the places under the table. I vacuumed and then he goes behind me vacuuming to make sure that I got all of the spots, even though you can't tell with our rug. Then, of course, everyone showed up and it was too late to get food. I was disappointed and hungry as hell.
People got to my place and started asking for water and my stomach was growling so loud during production that I waited for it to stop before I shouted "Action." It was a bad moment for me because providing food was the only payoff I could get for these people. It was the only thing that I'd promised and not only did it NOT happen, but people ended up being in my (hot ass) apartment for hours on end with absolutely nothing to eat or drink (besides, of course, water).
My signif. other/ love of my life/ future husband/ camera guy spends way too much time on shots that I don't care about. When I want to pow-wow with him, he is nowhere to be found. I am surrounded by my actors who want to give me advice about shit that doesn't concern them whatsoever and my camera guy is shooting a rose on the ground or the outside of a building. When I ask him for advice, he replies with "You're the director." Sometimes I think he hates me when we are shooting the web series. And I don't blame him. I forget to say action, forget to call the scene, forget to say "cut," forget to quiet everyone on the set, forget what scene we are shooting, forget to push record on audio, etc. And then when he goes to do those things, I yell at him and say, "I know!" I don't know where this monster comes from - and it is embarrassing. After we finish shooting, I feel exhausted, angry and ashamed and I want to grab a beer, in a bar, alone.
Don't get me wrong, I love telling a story through the camera. I love the idea that this will one day be on the public access channel in my town and on the internet and people can look at it and laugh. If I had a million dollar budget, this would be much easier. But I don't. I am broke as hell, lol. So I have to rely on myself and my excedrin.
And craigslist.
So tomorrow, I will be posting an ad for "a person." Hopefully, they won't mind being paid in water.
So, those new memes that have started to appear on facebook? You know . . .
So yeah, that's mine. :-) And boy is it true! Downed 2 excedrin 3 hours ago and still waiting for them to kick in.
Regardless, I have a member of my crew (an old college friend) that I would like to fire. I am convinced that he is trying to sabotage my web series. Here is the list of things that he's done (thus far) to make me want to end his life.
- Told me that he wanted to be the casting director for my project and proceeds to book a room to use for auditions on Saturday at 2pm. On Saturday, he accepts the responsibility of babysitting his 7 and 10 year old nieces.
- At precisely 1:45pm (after his car dies and we jump it), he tells me that he has to go pick someone else up.
- I tell him to do whatever the hell he wants (even though I've never held an audition before) because shit, it's 2pm and I don't have time to worry about it. However, he has his 2 (bad ass) nieces, which he proceeds to leave with me while he goes out to pick up the 3rd person - who must be important - because why the hell would the casting director leave his own auditions unless it was for something important?
- He heads out to pick up another child. (Because he works in an after school program and saw THIS AUDITION as a great opportunity to show the kid something positive.) Comes to the audition 45 minutes later with no kid (because said kid was not even home.)
- Asked to play the DJ on the first episode and did not bring ANY DJ'ing equipment.
- Showed up late for the first episode because he had a prior engagement.
- Stood outside of prior engagement hanging out and talking to people (because - despite the fact that he knew I was waiting for him - he didn't know I was waiting across the street).
- Twice in a row, has either over-casted an episode or under-casted. Today 3 people showed up for the same part, and two people didn't even show up AT ALL. (My head is pounding as I type this). In other words, for 2 of the three episodes that we shot, we didn't have the people we needed - which is a HUGE freaking deal.
- Keeps bringing people with NO ACTING EXPERIENCE to play roles in the web series. Lies and says these people will be "great" and proceeds to tell people not to mention that they have no experience.
- Tells people they have roles that they do not have and then proceeds to manipulate the production so that these people can have these roles.
- Is annoying, makes funny sounds during taping, talks too damn much and does nothing but text people while we are shooting.
- Argues everything.
So that's that. He is one of the main characters in the show, unfortunately, and while dude can act his ass off, I can't wait to fire him as the casting guy. This was his last day (as casting director) and from this point on, I plan on casting my own show.
I Need a Person
One thing that I keep saying throughout this production is "I need a person." Nobody seems to get what that means (which is understandable - because I'm surrounded by "persons"). But the fact that nobody gets this serves to me as even more evidence that I need a person. So allow me to explain. When I was in Japan, I made a best friend. A soul-mate, if you will. She was "my person." I could walk into a room and without so much as an explanation, I could ask her, "hat or scarf?" and she would be like "Scarf!" I would sit down and a warm cup of tea would appear in front of me. It was like we were always communicating, even when we weren't. It kind of felt like in those movies when the two heroes would be back to back, fighting off the enemy, moving in a circle, kicking ass. Unfortunately, she lives in California now and I have no one. Don't get me wrong, I have some best friends out here on the East Coast - including the signif. other, but I don't have a "person." And this peeves the S.O. because he would like to consider himself my "person."
But, he's not.
So while I'm shooting, these are the things that I end up dealing with . . .
- Doing audio (because I'm the audio person)
- Making sure everyone is okay
- Introducing myself and explaining the scenes to the actors (the ones who actually bother to show up)
- Answering questions
- Deciding how the scene will be shot visually and logistically (being that we are missing actors)
- Moving things out the way
- Giving people directions to my home
- Trying to keep the production moving because we're "losing daylight"
- Telling people how to say their lines
- Making sure everyone has their script
Now these are all things that I don't mind doing, but some of these things could stand to be outsourced - and if I had "a person" they would know that. For example, I asked my S.O. if he could run out and grab some food before people arrived. Unfortunately, he ended up on a 45 minute phone call with his sister. When he got off the phone, he proceeded to clean the apartment from top to bottom, insisting that we move the furniture around to get the places under the table. I vacuumed and then he goes behind me vacuuming to make sure that I got all of the spots, even though you can't tell with our rug. Then, of course, everyone showed up and it was too late to get food. I was disappointed and hungry as hell.
People got to my place and started asking for water and my stomach was growling so loud during production that I waited for it to stop before I shouted "Action." It was a bad moment for me because providing food was the only payoff I could get for these people. It was the only thing that I'd promised and not only did it NOT happen, but people ended up being in my (hot ass) apartment for hours on end with absolutely nothing to eat or drink (besides, of course, water).
My signif. other/ love of my life/ future husband/ camera guy spends way too much time on shots that I don't care about. When I want to pow-wow with him, he is nowhere to be found. I am surrounded by my actors who want to give me advice about shit that doesn't concern them whatsoever and my camera guy is shooting a rose on the ground or the outside of a building. When I ask him for advice, he replies with "You're the director." Sometimes I think he hates me when we are shooting the web series. And I don't blame him. I forget to say action, forget to call the scene, forget to say "cut," forget to quiet everyone on the set, forget what scene we are shooting, forget to push record on audio, etc. And then when he goes to do those things, I yell at him and say, "I know!" I don't know where this monster comes from - and it is embarrassing. After we finish shooting, I feel exhausted, angry and ashamed and I want to grab a beer, in a bar, alone.
Don't get me wrong, I love telling a story through the camera. I love the idea that this will one day be on the public access channel in my town and on the internet and people can look at it and laugh. If I had a million dollar budget, this would be much easier. But I don't. I am broke as hell, lol. So I have to rely on myself and my excedrin.
And craigslist.
So tomorrow, I will be posting an ad for "a person." Hopefully, they won't mind being paid in water.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Being a Director is HARD
So I have one and a half episodes under my belt, thus far and things are crazy. Pumping out a scene means getting locations, actors, equipment, time, etc. and these are all things that don't come easy. It's kind of like trying to take a civilized picture of a house full of animals. There is always someone straying out of the photo or the flash doesn't go off and you have to keep everyone's attention before they all wander away, going in opposite directions. Regardless, I have never been so sure that this is what I want to do. It's kind of like, the more I have to work hard for this - the more I realize that I'm cut out for this kind of work. *sigh* Either I'm a glutton for heart attack inducing situations or I'm a director at heart. I'd like to think it's the latter. :-)
Scorcese . . . I'm coming for ya!
Scorcese . . . I'm coming for ya!
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Diary of a Mad Unemployed Black Woman
I'm convinced that these companies are posting job openings just to make the economy look better. I have been emailing this one station down the street from me for months. They have been posting the same job since forever. Last Thursday, I worked up the nerve to actually go to the place and hand in my reel along with a resume, some references and a cover letter. I asked if it would be possible to speak to someone and was told by the (very friendly) front desk person that the HR guy was too busy but that the next day would be better and I should just stop by then. Well, I stopped by the next day and the HR guy walked right past me without saying a word. And then I was told by the front desk person that he was too busy. Too busy?! Too busy to tell someone that "the job is no longer open"? Too busy to say, "We're sorry but we're considering other candidates"? Too busy to say, "You are perfect for the job but I just don't like your face, so please get out of here"? I mean anything . . . tell me ANYTHING but at least have the decency and respect for me as a human being to speak. I don't understand why I am getting the same exact response from all of these jobs . . . which is no response whatsoever. Well, actually I can understand it a little because for all of the other jobs, I just emailed or snail-mailed my resume. But in this particular case, I was literally sitting in the lobby. The ONLY person in that little-ass lobby, in that empty-ass building. And the man was too "busy" to tell me anything. Whatever. And I know I sound crazy, right now. But I can assure you, I did not stalk dude. Actually, he emailed me 6 months ago and told me to apply to the job in the first place. And when I did, I didn't hear back from him. And then all of these months later, the job is open again and I sent another resume and followed up by stopping by the station to drop off my reel. It's really not all that serious and I guess that's where my frustration comes from. If I'd have been disrespectful or over the top, I could understand his ignoring/avoiding me. But I have done nothing deserving of disrespect and the only thing I want to know is if the job is still available and if maybe - just maybe - I could get an interview.
Regardless, I am determined to do things on my own. I will continue to work on my "brand" and try to get my little video productions going until one day I am successful. Sometimes I consider going back to school and getting a Master's but I am obsessed with paying off my old student loans before making new ones. On a more positive note, I am grateful that I have some experience under my belt and that I am not new to "the struggle."
Life will turn itself around. I'm just wondering when and how.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Web Series
So I shot the first episode of my web series last night. And there's way too much to say in one post. But I'll put it this way, in Jay Z's words (and I hate to have to quote that man, but . . . ) I need more people. Last night, I was the director, producer, logistics person, audio technician, gaffer and production assistant. It was ridiculous. Thank God, I had a camera guy - who was also the production manager, lighting guy and Assistant Director. I'm embarrassed to roll the credits at the end of this episode, lol. Either way, we gotter-done. Despite the fact that my DJ/actor decided not to bring his got-dang laptop. How do you bring all of your DJ'ing equipment and not bring the laptop which contains all of your music? That's like trying to cook without food. Regardless, he played music off of his phone (which was dead, and thank God I brought my phone charger) and so the episode went on as planned - despite the efforts of Satan and the DJ.
All (well, not all, but a good portion) of my lovely friends came out and we shot a party scene which was a lot of fun, but really ambitious of us. I'm editing it now and of course there are a few things that I have complaints about - but I guess it's growing pains and we did pretty good for a first time. Either way, I'm pretty excited about this project and it's great to have something that I can say I directed. Hopefully, this will lead to other things. I'll be sure to post the episode and promo vids once I finish editing.
:-)
All (well, not all, but a good portion) of my lovely friends came out and we shot a party scene which was a lot of fun, but really ambitious of us. I'm editing it now and of course there are a few things that I have complaints about - but I guess it's growing pains and we did pretty good for a first time. Either way, I'm pretty excited about this project and it's great to have something that I can say I directed. Hopefully, this will lead to other things. I'll be sure to post the episode and promo vids once I finish editing.
:-)
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