Thursday, August 2, 2012
Monday, May 7, 2012
California
So I got back from a trip to California a couple days ago. This was my first time visiting the West Coast and the experience was AMAZING! My friends really rolled out the red carpet for me and I can't wait to get back - and hopefully, move out there. I visited Southern California and stayed in the Orange County area. We crammed a ton of stuff into 5 days including going to DisneyLand, visiting the USC campus, going to Hollywood and eating a ton of food.
One of the things that surprised me the most about California is how cheap the clothes are. We went shopping and I wanted to buy everything I saw. The fashion is also really laid back and loose fitting, unlike in Philadelphia where everything is gut-bustingly tight. As far as food goes, we ate a ton of fast food. I don't know if my friends usually eat fast food every day, but I think it was because I was there and we were always on the move.
In my opinion, the food you eat is a huge part of your experience wherever you are. I'll go even further and say it pretty much defines your experience, so I'll start by giving you a run down of what I ate each day.
Day 1 - Friday
2 Wahoo Fish tacos and nachos
a ton of beer and a mixed drink
some Tasty-kake pies I brought from home
A Del Taco with Macho Nachos and Iced Tea
Day 2 - Saturday
Iced Tea
Curry from Coco Curry House
Custard Bun and bubble tea from 85 Degrees
Day 3 - Sunday
Banana pancakes and bacon
Ice cream
In and Out Burger
Day 4 - Monday
Breakfast Tacos
Chicken and Waffles
Day 5 - Tuesday
Toast from 85 Degrees
In and Out Burger
Ramen Noodles
Beer, margarita and mixed drinks
So yeah, my poor stomach was begging for some vegetables by the time I left but I was very happy. Among some of the great things I experienced (that helped me to realize that I should move to California) was going to a beach in Laguna and seeing two whales. I feel like it was a good omen because - from what I was told - it's a rarity and no one that I hung with that week had ever seen a whale until that day.
So on Monday we went to USC's campus and it was so beautiful that I became a little depressed because I realized that I NEEDED to get accepted into this school. Going to Hollywood right after brought me back to reality, however. We went to Grauman's Chinese Theater and got harassed by a bunch of map sellers, mixed tape pushers and all kinds of annoying people as well as perused a bunch of old, weird stores. The place was sad, run down and just plain boring with the only exception being a half naked dude with some kind of fur, stuffed animal hat on giving thumbs up to oncoming traffic. 0_o I guess the best way to explain it was that Hollywood was like New York City with no redeeming qualities. I mean, in NY you're definitely going to have your street pushers and all kinds of weirdos but no one's going to follow you and harass you to the extent they do in Hollywood. Also, there are at least awesome things to do like go to shows, shop at decent stores and/or eat at cafes and funky restaurants.
Amongst the many beaches there were a ton of malls and I managed to buy 3 skirts, 3 shirts, 3 pair of shoes, a ring, an iPod and a Nike pedometer. Even though everything was cheap, I was pretty broke by the time I got back. The weather was beautiful except for the last day when it was a little cloudy and chilly. But most of the time it was nice and sunny. To tell you the truth, it was a little hard to come back. But on the other hand, I was happy to get back in order to set things in motion to prepare for my move out there. I have to save as much money as possible, study for my GRE's and get this USC application in asap. The thought of going back to school scares me but it's also invigorating. I still have no idea how I did it the first time, but that's what gives me the motivation to do it again.
So there it is . . . my first trip to California. Now it's time to lose some weight.
One of the things that surprised me the most about California is how cheap the clothes are. We went shopping and I wanted to buy everything I saw. The fashion is also really laid back and loose fitting, unlike in Philadelphia where everything is gut-bustingly tight. As far as food goes, we ate a ton of fast food. I don't know if my friends usually eat fast food every day, but I think it was because I was there and we were always on the move.
In my opinion, the food you eat is a huge part of your experience wherever you are. I'll go even further and say it pretty much defines your experience, so I'll start by giving you a run down of what I ate each day.
Day 1 - Friday
2 Wahoo Fish tacos and nachos
a ton of beer and a mixed drink
some Tasty-kake pies I brought from home
A Del Taco with Macho Nachos and Iced Tea
Day 2 - Saturday
Iced Tea
Curry from Coco Curry House
Custard Bun and bubble tea from 85 Degrees
Day 3 - Sunday
Banana pancakes and bacon
Ice cream
In and Out Burger
Day 4 - Monday
Breakfast Tacos
Chicken and Waffles
Day 5 - Tuesday
Toast from 85 Degrees
In and Out Burger
Ramen Noodles
Beer, margarita and mixed drinks
So yeah, my poor stomach was begging for some vegetables by the time I left but I was very happy. Among some of the great things I experienced (that helped me to realize that I should move to California) was going to a beach in Laguna and seeing two whales. I feel like it was a good omen because - from what I was told - it's a rarity and no one that I hung with that week had ever seen a whale until that day.
So on Monday we went to USC's campus and it was so beautiful that I became a little depressed because I realized that I NEEDED to get accepted into this school. Going to Hollywood right after brought me back to reality, however. We went to Grauman's Chinese Theater and got harassed by a bunch of map sellers, mixed tape pushers and all kinds of annoying people as well as perused a bunch of old, weird stores. The place was sad, run down and just plain boring with the only exception being a half naked dude with some kind of fur, stuffed animal hat on giving thumbs up to oncoming traffic. 0_o I guess the best way to explain it was that Hollywood was like New York City with no redeeming qualities. I mean, in NY you're definitely going to have your street pushers and all kinds of weirdos but no one's going to follow you and harass you to the extent they do in Hollywood. Also, there are at least awesome things to do like go to shows, shop at decent stores and/or eat at cafes and funky restaurants.
Amongst the many beaches there were a ton of malls and I managed to buy 3 skirts, 3 shirts, 3 pair of shoes, a ring, an iPod and a Nike pedometer. Even though everything was cheap, I was pretty broke by the time I got back. The weather was beautiful except for the last day when it was a little cloudy and chilly. But most of the time it was nice and sunny. To tell you the truth, it was a little hard to come back. But on the other hand, I was happy to get back in order to set things in motion to prepare for my move out there. I have to save as much money as possible, study for my GRE's and get this USC application in asap. The thought of going back to school scares me but it's also invigorating. I still have no idea how I did it the first time, but that's what gives me the motivation to do it again.
So there it is . . . my first trip to California. Now it's time to lose some weight.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Instant Therapy
So I've been going to work everyday and this means that I have to be amongst other humans and learn new things. This is not bad, because if left to my own devices, I would probably only be around the same 11 or 12 people for the rest of my life, eventually retreating to my one room shack to live a very "unabomber-ish" lifestyle. So yeah, it's healthy - I'll admit it.
However, it's really interesting how much I've picked up on in the past couple of weeks. It's like I'm catching back up with life and getting a glimpse of the interesting goings-ons. One of my best friends says that I have a funny way of seeing things. She's calls it "Arnetta-cam" and says that when she has strange experiences, she always wishes I was there to do the commentary. Fortunately for me, I do my own commentary and I can always go back to some of my favorite episodes in life and laugh about the situation or just ponder and eventually, dump my ideas out on this blog. So here are a few Arnetta-isms that I picked up on after being out of the confines of my home for so many months.
#1 - It's Good To Be Out
No seriously, it's good. It's great for my health because I'm not constantly eating and sitting around my apartment. All this time I was wondering how I managed to gain so much weight and now that I go to work every day, I'm realizing how many calories I've been taking in over the past couple months without doing so much as getting off my couch. And even though I've been working out like a maniac, eating very light and then going to work where I'm constantly standing and squatting and walking and running, I'm still losing weight at the rate of 11b. a week. So . . . yeah, that's doesn't feel awesome, but it's good to finally see how much work it's going to take for me to change my bad habits and start actually dropping some weight. It's good for morale because the weather is getting sunny and I am actually going outside (even if it is for a twenty minute car ride) and this gives me incentive to leave my house more. (Confessions of a hermit crab).
#2 - People are Freaking Crazy
Yeah, that's something I totally forgot. Now, of course, there are the people who are just flat out looney tunes. You know, the ones that talk to themselves, yell for no reason and walk around with a foil hat. Those folks don't catch me off guard too much. They're normal . . . you know . . . in their craziness. But I'm not talking about those folks. I'm talking about the people that need an instant leather couch. For example, I work at a doctor's office. Folks walk into the office and fill out some information before the doctor examines them. Now I've done this thousands of times in my life time. Go to the doctor, fill out a form, get seen, go home. But for some odd reason, most of these people are shocked beyond belief that they have to fill out any paperwork. I apologize and tell them that it's part of procedure. This is what I call skimming off the first layer of crazy. Because who goes to a doctor without filling out a form that at least lists their allergies, the insurance they'll be using and I don't know . . . their NAME? So after I skim this first layer of crazy off, most people just sit down and fill out their paperwork. But then come the surprise folks who have an underlying layer of crazy and decide that this is the moment to break free from the confines of society. For example, one lady said "No! I refuse to fill out this form." She looked at me with bold defiance. I stared back at her with confusion. Lady! What are you trying to prove? I guess it just cracks me up because as Americans we have to take it up the pooper all the time when it comes to ridiculous laws and inequalities that disenfranchise the majority of middle and lower class Americans and this is beside the usual crappiness of life on this planet. So why in the world would someone use filling out a form at a doctor's office as a moment to "not take it anymore." Either way, my manager (a tall, white guy) came out while the crazy lady was having her moment and said, "Just fill it out." And she suddenly jumped to attention and became a law-abiding citizen. I was relieved, amused and a little offended. Maybe it was just me, but I had already apologized to the woman for the inconvenience, explained that it was procedure and was trying to be as professional as possible but when the manager (in essence, some dude that just came out of nowhere) told her, in an exhausted tone, "Just do it!" suddenly it all came together for her - and "Ohhh! just fill this out? Yes, of course, sir!" LOL, get outta here! Sometimes, it sucks to be a Black woman. I swear I'd get more respect if I was a white man.
#3 - Getting a Paycheck is a Good Feeling
But waiting for it every two weeks . . . sucks. LOL But it beats getting one once a month like in Japan. Talk about budgeting - sheesh!
All right, I'm exhausted. Wish I had more, but I'm sweepy. Goodnite!
However, it's really interesting how much I've picked up on in the past couple of weeks. It's like I'm catching back up with life and getting a glimpse of the interesting goings-ons. One of my best friends says that I have a funny way of seeing things. She's calls it "Arnetta-cam" and says that when she has strange experiences, she always wishes I was there to do the commentary. Fortunately for me, I do my own commentary and I can always go back to some of my favorite episodes in life and laugh about the situation or just ponder and eventually, dump my ideas out on this blog. So here are a few Arnetta-isms that I picked up on after being out of the confines of my home for so many months.
#1 - It's Good To Be Out
No seriously, it's good. It's great for my health because I'm not constantly eating and sitting around my apartment. All this time I was wondering how I managed to gain so much weight and now that I go to work every day, I'm realizing how many calories I've been taking in over the past couple months without doing so much as getting off my couch. And even though I've been working out like a maniac, eating very light and then going to work where I'm constantly standing and squatting and walking and running, I'm still losing weight at the rate of 11b. a week. So . . . yeah, that's doesn't feel awesome, but it's good to finally see how much work it's going to take for me to change my bad habits and start actually dropping some weight. It's good for morale because the weather is getting sunny and I am actually going outside (even if it is for a twenty minute car ride) and this gives me incentive to leave my house more. (Confessions of a hermit crab).
#2 - People are Freaking Crazy
Yeah, that's something I totally forgot. Now, of course, there are the people who are just flat out looney tunes. You know, the ones that talk to themselves, yell for no reason and walk around with a foil hat. Those folks don't catch me off guard too much. They're normal . . . you know . . . in their craziness. But I'm not talking about those folks. I'm talking about the people that need an instant leather couch. For example, I work at a doctor's office. Folks walk into the office and fill out some information before the doctor examines them. Now I've done this thousands of times in my life time. Go to the doctor, fill out a form, get seen, go home. But for some odd reason, most of these people are shocked beyond belief that they have to fill out any paperwork. I apologize and tell them that it's part of procedure. This is what I call skimming off the first layer of crazy. Because who goes to a doctor without filling out a form that at least lists their allergies, the insurance they'll be using and I don't know . . . their NAME? So after I skim this first layer of crazy off, most people just sit down and fill out their paperwork. But then come the surprise folks who have an underlying layer of crazy and decide that this is the moment to break free from the confines of society. For example, one lady said "No! I refuse to fill out this form." She looked at me with bold defiance. I stared back at her with confusion. Lady! What are you trying to prove? I guess it just cracks me up because as Americans we have to take it up the pooper all the time when it comes to ridiculous laws and inequalities that disenfranchise the majority of middle and lower class Americans and this is beside the usual crappiness of life on this planet. So why in the world would someone use filling out a form at a doctor's office as a moment to "not take it anymore." Either way, my manager (a tall, white guy) came out while the crazy lady was having her moment and said, "Just fill it out." And she suddenly jumped to attention and became a law-abiding citizen. I was relieved, amused and a little offended. Maybe it was just me, but I had already apologized to the woman for the inconvenience, explained that it was procedure and was trying to be as professional as possible but when the manager (in essence, some dude that just came out of nowhere) told her, in an exhausted tone, "Just do it!" suddenly it all came together for her - and "Ohhh! just fill this out? Yes, of course, sir!" LOL, get outta here! Sometimes, it sucks to be a Black woman. I swear I'd get more respect if I was a white man.
#3 - Getting a Paycheck is a Good Feeling
But waiting for it every two weeks . . . sucks. LOL But it beats getting one once a month like in Japan. Talk about budgeting - sheesh!
All right, I'm exhausted. Wish I had more, but I'm sweepy. Goodnite!
Friday, March 30, 2012
The Never Ending Quest
After being broke for months on end, I finally gave in and got a job. And one of the things that I said I would do after getting my first paycheck was to buy a Wii so I could get the new Zumba 2 game. (My other thing was to get a colonic . . . I know TMI, lol. But when you get to a certain age, it's all about digestion, regulation and keeping the body cleansed.) So any who, the reasons behind these two endeavors was/is that I want to lose weight. My pants have not been fitting like they should and also, I don't feel as light on my feet as I once did. So as planned, I got the Wii and bought Zumba 2. The next day I was jumping around and sweating like crazy, trying to keep up with the dance moves. It was fun and really effective but the thing about working out - it makes you hungry . . . REALLY hungry. So the first week that I started doing Zumba, I went out and bought (are you ready?) a cheeseburger with the works on a Krispy kreme bun with chocolate covered bacon. Someone dared me to eat that burger a couple months ago and I never had the desire but after hours of grueling Zumba dancing and running with my dog at the park, that was the first weird craving to pop into my mind (despite the fact that the girl who challenged me was no where in sight). The girl was a teenager and very - I don't know how to put this - full of energy and joy for life - in other words, she could give a f--- about a beer gut. She was talking this burger up to the highest degree and I guess after sweating like a pig, I decided to act like one too. (And to tell you the truth, after all of those calories, it was still nothing to write home about. I think the excitement is more about the novelty of the burger than the actual taste.) Either way, the binge eating continued and with the burger, I had a side of fries and a birthday cake flavored milkshake with a cupcake on top of it. Not going to lie, that shake was mother-freaking delicious. The burger joint that I went to is notorious for their strange milkshakes and burgers and it is NOT the place to go if you want to lose weight.
Either way, I've been continuing with the Zumba every day and last week, I checked my weight after months of avoiding scales and I was at a whopping 156 lbs. Can you believe that??? Nearly 160!!! I have never EVER been that big in my life. I don't know if any veteran readers are reading this, but I did a post like a couple years back about how I was upset at being - what? - like 145 or something. So yeah, I've surpassed the big 150 mark. After I saw that scale, I've been pumping and jumping around like my life depended on it. I also went out and got that colonic in a desperate attempt to rid my body of any excess weight that I might be able to drop with some quickness. (Suffice it to say that was a real soul searching experience, 0_o). Thank god the lady that worked with me was very "grandmommish." Grandmoms don't mind talking about poop. I could do a whole post dedicated to that day, but I'll spare you.
Now I am on a journey to drop weight before I visit CA in April. I have been counting calories and doing Zumba in an attempt to take in less than I put out. So far I've been super hungry and the small portions that I've been eating don't seem like enough. As I write this, I think about what healthy snacks I may have sitting around that I could nom on, but I can't think of one thing. Because everything is like a million calories. Even the healthy stuff. It feels like you do 1 hour of Zumba to burn 400 calories and you eat one cracker and it's all down the drain. Regardless, I am going to stay on this journey. And I am actively seeking out healthy recipes. Also, I plan on posting a few recipes myself.
In other words, help a sistah out. If you know of a great recipe . . . leave it in the comments section or shoot me an email at Arnettagreen@gmail.com. Send me good vibes and thanks in advance!
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Trayvon Martin, Gun Laws and Justice
Yes, it's inevitable that I talk about this case. Don't worry . . . it will be quick.
First of all, the whole thing is a tragedy. This young man lost his life, for no reason at all. Of course, there are a bunch of stories emerging about how Trayvon wasn't the most innocent boy in the world or that maybe he initiated the fight and got a few good hits in on the man that ultimately ended up murdering him. Regardless, who gives a shit? Honestly. The boy paid for it with his life. And if you want me to get really real, if it came down to blows with Trayvon and Mr. Zimmerman, who's to say that Trayvon wouldn't have been justified? Who's to say that Mr. Zimmerman didn't look suspicious to Trayvon? Maybe TM felt he needed to defend himself. You got some weirdo following you around in a car and then gets out of his car and approaches you . . . what would you do? You can run or you can fight. Is there a law in Florida that says you can kill someone that looks intimidating to you but you can't punch them? At the end of the day, the boy couldn't win. Regardless, I will leave it to the professionals to do the investigating. Hopefully the authorities will address this obviously mishandled situation with respect for what's fair, regardless of the boy's race and Zimmerman's connections to the police force AND Florida's idiotic gun law.
And I know there's a huge race element to this whole situation. As I've read and heard all over the place, it's forcing folks to revisit the topic of race relations in America. I honestly don't even want to go there. I think any time Black people talk about race, it gives everyone the opportunity to play the "'using the race card' card." And I don't want to give anyone that kind of power. I don't want to argue with anyone about whether racism exists or not. I think that the focus needs to be on the gun law. Nobody should have the right to kill people on the sole basis of feeling intimidated. Here's a quick story - the other day my boyfriend and I watched as a suspicious, hooded figure proceeded to walk up the stairs to our front door and just stand there for a while before he bent over and began tying his shoes. Mind you, we were right behind him wondering what the f*** he was doing (and I was dialing 9-1-1) while peering over the boyfriend's shoulders like a scared housewife. The boyfriend addressed the guy, asked him what he was doing. Dude told him that he was just tying his shoes before going over to his garage (the apartment garages happen to be next to our apartment.) My boyfriend gave him the "okay, just keep it moving then" vibes and we watched the guy wobble away. (He was super drunk by the way). But the whole point to this story is that the guy looked scary as shit. (Again, I'm just being real). Not only did he have a hood on and we couldn't see his face, but he literally walked up to our apartment and stood at our door. Did that give my boyfriend the right to shoot him and end his life? What if the Florida gun law applied in PA? If my boyfriend shot and killed that man, then and there, and then after the fact it was proven that dude was just a discombobulated drunkard who was lost . . . then what? In reality, the whole situation worked out very nicely. Dude took his hood down, looked us dead in the eye and apologized, the boyfriend and our huge American Bulldog walked out and watched him make it to his garage safely - which he was not lying, he really did have a garage - and the night ended with no loss of life. I understand that not all things work out that way but at the end of the day, we can't resort to shooting people. If you have a gun, that gives you even more reason to be thorough before you pull a trigger.
I've always believed that guns are for cowards and every day that goes by, I believe it even more. I always joke around (not really joking) and tell the boyfriend that if it came down to it and the world became an apocalyptic war torn country where everyone carried guns, I will be the first one shot dead because I refuse to walk around like Quick-Draw McGraw, living in fear with a coward's weapon trembling in my hand. I wouldn't want to live like that. I already grew up in the hood. Rather than relive that nightmare, I'd rather just get it all over with and meet Jesus in the new kingdom. After living in a country like Japan where it's illegal for people to carry handguns, I cannot stress enough how peace of mind is priceless. At 27 years old, I experienced for the first time, being able to walk down a street alone at night without any fear of being shot. I don't know that I'll ever have that feeling in this country, but I think that after experiencing it that one time - I will NEVER EVER support any law that lets regular people walk around with a machine that allows you to take someone's life away from them. Life is too precious to be given such a dishonorable, cheap and cowardly end. And I think if anyone is willing to recklessly pull a trigger and make a HUGE decision that takes someone's life and changes the lives of that person's family and friends forever, they should be willing to face some consequences that will change their life as well.
Okay, that's all. Sorry I wrote more than I planned.
Goodnight!
First of all, the whole thing is a tragedy. This young man lost his life, for no reason at all. Of course, there are a bunch of stories emerging about how Trayvon wasn't the most innocent boy in the world or that maybe he initiated the fight and got a few good hits in on the man that ultimately ended up murdering him. Regardless, who gives a shit? Honestly. The boy paid for it with his life. And if you want me to get really real, if it came down to blows with Trayvon and Mr. Zimmerman, who's to say that Trayvon wouldn't have been justified? Who's to say that Mr. Zimmerman didn't look suspicious to Trayvon? Maybe TM felt he needed to defend himself. You got some weirdo following you around in a car and then gets out of his car and approaches you . . . what would you do? You can run or you can fight. Is there a law in Florida that says you can kill someone that looks intimidating to you but you can't punch them? At the end of the day, the boy couldn't win. Regardless, I will leave it to the professionals to do the investigating. Hopefully the authorities will address this obviously mishandled situation with respect for what's fair, regardless of the boy's race and Zimmerman's connections to the police force AND Florida's idiotic gun law.
And I know there's a huge race element to this whole situation. As I've read and heard all over the place, it's forcing folks to revisit the topic of race relations in America. I honestly don't even want to go there. I think any time Black people talk about race, it gives everyone the opportunity to play the "'using the race card' card." And I don't want to give anyone that kind of power. I don't want to argue with anyone about whether racism exists or not. I think that the focus needs to be on the gun law. Nobody should have the right to kill people on the sole basis of feeling intimidated. Here's a quick story - the other day my boyfriend and I watched as a suspicious, hooded figure proceeded to walk up the stairs to our front door and just stand there for a while before he bent over and began tying his shoes. Mind you, we were right behind him wondering what the f*** he was doing (and I was dialing 9-1-1) while peering over the boyfriend's shoulders like a scared housewife. The boyfriend addressed the guy, asked him what he was doing. Dude told him that he was just tying his shoes before going over to his garage (the apartment garages happen to be next to our apartment.) My boyfriend gave him the "okay, just keep it moving then" vibes and we watched the guy wobble away. (He was super drunk by the way). But the whole point to this story is that the guy looked scary as shit. (Again, I'm just being real). Not only did he have a hood on and we couldn't see his face, but he literally walked up to our apartment and stood at our door. Did that give my boyfriend the right to shoot him and end his life? What if the Florida gun law applied in PA? If my boyfriend shot and killed that man, then and there, and then after the fact it was proven that dude was just a discombobulated drunkard who was lost . . . then what? In reality, the whole situation worked out very nicely. Dude took his hood down, looked us dead in the eye and apologized, the boyfriend and our huge American Bulldog walked out and watched him make it to his garage safely - which he was not lying, he really did have a garage - and the night ended with no loss of life. I understand that not all things work out that way but at the end of the day, we can't resort to shooting people. If you have a gun, that gives you even more reason to be thorough before you pull a trigger.
I've always believed that guns are for cowards and every day that goes by, I believe it even more. I always joke around (not really joking) and tell the boyfriend that if it came down to it and the world became an apocalyptic war torn country where everyone carried guns, I will be the first one shot dead because I refuse to walk around like Quick-Draw McGraw, living in fear with a coward's weapon trembling in my hand. I wouldn't want to live like that. I already grew up in the hood. Rather than relive that nightmare, I'd rather just get it all over with and meet Jesus in the new kingdom. After living in a country like Japan where it's illegal for people to carry handguns, I cannot stress enough how peace of mind is priceless. At 27 years old, I experienced for the first time, being able to walk down a street alone at night without any fear of being shot. I don't know that I'll ever have that feeling in this country, but I think that after experiencing it that one time - I will NEVER EVER support any law that lets regular people walk around with a machine that allows you to take someone's life away from them. Life is too precious to be given such a dishonorable, cheap and cowardly end. And I think if anyone is willing to recklessly pull a trigger and make a HUGE decision that takes someone's life and changes the lives of that person's family and friends forever, they should be willing to face some consequences that will change their life as well.
Okay, that's all. Sorry I wrote more than I planned.
Goodnight!
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Religion and Everything Else
Today is one of those days where I feel like popping one of these . . .
In other words, I may say some things that I don't mean. Or who knows? Maybe I'm going to be realer than I've ever been. Either way, it's not all bad news. Actually, my life is coming together okay. My money came through and I ordered a couple GRE books so I can start studying. Also, I shot an episode of my web series last week and I even bought a ticket to visit one of my best friends in California. On top of this, I just landed a part time job and it'll be nice to get a little paycheck coming in.
Outside of all this, I have been pondering some of life's mysteries. Religion for instance. Most days I can do the church thing, but lately . . . I don't have the mind for it. Reading the bible and applying its principles is fine but everything else gives me a headache. Going to church. Having to talk to people. It just feels like a waste of time to me. I'd rather be at home getting work done. I don't imagine that I'll be penalized for it. I don't see God striking me down for not following religion and maybe that's my problem. Religion is pretty much built on the idea that God will strike you down if you don't actually follow it. And that's what I don't believe. Yet I still go. And it's days like this that I ask myself . . . "why?" Regardless, I will wake up and drag myself to church and no doubt get inspired. It's just everything else that gets on my nerves. The guilt. The feeling that I'm required to do more. There's no such thing as a free lunch, I guess.
Speaking of religion...I talked to a friend a couple days. The guy from this post. We haven't talked in months. He hit me up a little after I returned from Japan but after that we kind of lost track. To be honest, I let it happen because the boyfriend was feeling uncomfortable with my talking with him. Either way, I was hanging out with my New Jersey family and ran into my friend. We talked a little about my web series and being that my friend is very funny, I told him that I'd love for him to be in an episode. He invited me to his place because he and his roommates were having a party. So . . . I went. (Sorry boyfriend!) The place was very "frat-housey" complete with beer, bongs, really loud "white people music" (heavy metal and I mean really HEAVY) and a bunch of weirdos. The only thing was, everybody was like thirty, forty years old. So me and my friend walk in, my friend is obviously high as a kite. His eyes are red and he's really laid back. He also looked really skinny and that made me realize that it'd really been a long time since I last talked to him. So, he invited me up to his room and I had to measure whether I felt safer listening to the loud Satanic music pumping from the basement or whether I should just risk getting raped upstairs in his room. After a while, his room felt like the better option. So we go to his room, where it's quiet and we can talk. I drank a beer and laid back on a futon chair, feeling super relaxed.
Until he starts telling me stories about his life since I was in Japan. At first it started with him telling me that he predicted the earthquake, amongst a bunch of other predictions that he said he'd made about me including my taking up knitting, to my getting back to America a week before the tsunami hit. (Which he was wrong, because I got back like almost a month before it hit . . . but I've been telling everyone a week, because, honestly, it sounds better.) Either way, he was essentially telling me that he was a prophet. Fine. Plenty of religious people think they're prophets. Everybody wants to be important. I gave him that. Life is short. He goes on to tell me about how his grandmother passed away, which was really sad. I told him that I was sorry to hear that. But then he goes on to tell me that he went up to heaven with her. Mmmkay . . . 0_o So from the heaven story he went into his "breaking into" WWE story which, from the way he told it, meant that he drove his car there at night and got a back stage pass. Also, he feels he was reincarnated from someone in the bible and that he is spoken about in Revelations and that Satan himself is going to murder him. It was creepy, weird and at the end of the day sad. I'm hearing this guy go on and on while hearing all kinds of crazy Marilyn Manson music being shouted from the floors beneath us (live band, by the way) and listening to my friend tell me about how he is going to be murdered by the devil and that he is a prophet of God and can control the weather and that essentially the apocalypse and the fate of the world depends on him. But honestly, the only thing I could feel was overwhelming sadness for him. Because it seemed like he was in a place that was so dark, that I couldn't begin to imagine how he got there or if he could get out. My heart really hurt for this guy. And throughout his stories, he kept making references to my being in Japan. He was telling me that he was on a journey, just like I went on my journey. And I wanted to tell him, "Our journeys have nothing to do with each other." I don't know how to explain it but it felt like he was affected by my trip more than I ever knew. He told me that God gave him a bunch of wisdom and he's consciously chosen not to live a life where he gets married, has children or does certain things (I'm guessing career-wise) because he chose wisdom and nothing else. He then asked me what my goals/plans are. I told him that I planned to move to CA and get my Master's. Suddenly, he got a little somber. He asked me when I was leaving. I told him. A quick moment of silence. We talked some more and then I left. A couple days later he sent me a text, asking when I was going to be shooting the next episode of my web series. I told him, in a couple weeks. I guess this wasn't soon enough because he replied, "I want to see you. If you're going to CA, I want us in a better place than before when you left for Japan." Sadly, I can't say that I was thinking about the guy before I left for Japan. I really wasn't. As for why he feels it's important for us to "be in a better place" I have absolutely no idea on earth. But if he needs a friend, I can be that. I just hope that whatever this is - depression, insanity, whatever - he gets the help that he needs because I doubt being a listening ear can be the solution to whatever demons he seems to be fighting. He told me that he's alienated from his family now and after talking to him for 2 hours, I totally understand why. It's just crazy how things happen in life.
So that's all for now. There's more, but I'm tired.
Goodnite!
Outside of all this, I have been pondering some of life's mysteries. Religion for instance. Most days I can do the church thing, but lately . . . I don't have the mind for it. Reading the bible and applying its principles is fine but everything else gives me a headache. Going to church. Having to talk to people. It just feels like a waste of time to me. I'd rather be at home getting work done. I don't imagine that I'll be penalized for it. I don't see God striking me down for not following religion and maybe that's my problem. Religion is pretty much built on the idea that God will strike you down if you don't actually follow it. And that's what I don't believe. Yet I still go. And it's days like this that I ask myself . . . "why?" Regardless, I will wake up and drag myself to church and no doubt get inspired. It's just everything else that gets on my nerves. The guilt. The feeling that I'm required to do more. There's no such thing as a free lunch, I guess.
Speaking of religion...I talked to a friend a couple days. The guy from this post. We haven't talked in months. He hit me up a little after I returned from Japan but after that we kind of lost track. To be honest, I let it happen because the boyfriend was feeling uncomfortable with my talking with him. Either way, I was hanging out with my New Jersey family and ran into my friend. We talked a little about my web series and being that my friend is very funny, I told him that I'd love for him to be in an episode. He invited me to his place because he and his roommates were having a party. So . . . I went. (Sorry boyfriend!) The place was very "frat-housey" complete with beer, bongs, really loud "white people music" (heavy metal and I mean really HEAVY) and a bunch of weirdos. The only thing was, everybody was like thirty, forty years old. So me and my friend walk in, my friend is obviously high as a kite. His eyes are red and he's really laid back. He also looked really skinny and that made me realize that it'd really been a long time since I last talked to him. So, he invited me up to his room and I had to measure whether I felt safer listening to the loud Satanic music pumping from the basement or whether I should just risk getting raped upstairs in his room. After a while, his room felt like the better option. So we go to his room, where it's quiet and we can talk. I drank a beer and laid back on a futon chair, feeling super relaxed.
Until he starts telling me stories about his life since I was in Japan. At first it started with him telling me that he predicted the earthquake, amongst a bunch of other predictions that he said he'd made about me including my taking up knitting, to my getting back to America a week before the tsunami hit. (Which he was wrong, because I got back like almost a month before it hit . . . but I've been telling everyone a week, because, honestly, it sounds better.) Either way, he was essentially telling me that he was a prophet. Fine. Plenty of religious people think they're prophets. Everybody wants to be important. I gave him that. Life is short. He goes on to tell me about how his grandmother passed away, which was really sad. I told him that I was sorry to hear that. But then he goes on to tell me that he went up to heaven with her. Mmmkay . . . 0_o So from the heaven story he went into his "breaking into" WWE story which, from the way he told it, meant that he drove his car there at night and got a back stage pass. Also, he feels he was reincarnated from someone in the bible and that he is spoken about in Revelations and that Satan himself is going to murder him. It was creepy, weird and at the end of the day sad. I'm hearing this guy go on and on while hearing all kinds of crazy Marilyn Manson music being shouted from the floors beneath us (live band, by the way) and listening to my friend tell me about how he is going to be murdered by the devil and that he is a prophet of God and can control the weather and that essentially the apocalypse and the fate of the world depends on him. But honestly, the only thing I could feel was overwhelming sadness for him. Because it seemed like he was in a place that was so dark, that I couldn't begin to imagine how he got there or if he could get out. My heart really hurt for this guy. And throughout his stories, he kept making references to my being in Japan. He was telling me that he was on a journey, just like I went on my journey. And I wanted to tell him, "Our journeys have nothing to do with each other." I don't know how to explain it but it felt like he was affected by my trip more than I ever knew. He told me that God gave him a bunch of wisdom and he's consciously chosen not to live a life where he gets married, has children or does certain things (I'm guessing career-wise) because he chose wisdom and nothing else. He then asked me what my goals/plans are. I told him that I planned to move to CA and get my Master's. Suddenly, he got a little somber. He asked me when I was leaving. I told him. A quick moment of silence. We talked some more and then I left. A couple days later he sent me a text, asking when I was going to be shooting the next episode of my web series. I told him, in a couple weeks. I guess this wasn't soon enough because he replied, "I want to see you. If you're going to CA, I want us in a better place than before when you left for Japan." Sadly, I can't say that I was thinking about the guy before I left for Japan. I really wasn't. As for why he feels it's important for us to "be in a better place" I have absolutely no idea on earth. But if he needs a friend, I can be that. I just hope that whatever this is - depression, insanity, whatever - he gets the help that he needs because I doubt being a listening ear can be the solution to whatever demons he seems to be fighting. He told me that he's alienated from his family now and after talking to him for 2 hours, I totally understand why. It's just crazy how things happen in life.
So that's all for now. There's more, but I'm tired.
Goodnite!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)