Letters to Everyone

This started out as a letter to God, but after a while some other folks jumped into my mind. But please feel free to read, you might have a little sumthin in here addressed to you!


Dear Jesus . . .
First things first, can you pass this onto God for me? Thank you! Anywho . . . Going to church lately and sometimes I just want to scoop my eyeballs out with a spoon. Let's face it, sometimes it's hard being around the "holier than thou" crowd. Question: Can't I just get by with a mustard seed of faith? . . . Okay, I'll take the lightning strike as a no. But seriously, sometimes I wonder why I even bother. Not because of the doctrine, but mainly because I'm so weird. Maybe I don't fit in so well. And sometimes, let's face it, sometimes religion can feel like . . . I dunno . . . work. *Sigh* (Sorry God, it's not you . . . it's them. lol) I'm hangin in there!

With Much Love and Respect,

p.s. Amen!




Dear Whoever Cares if I Leave the Country,
I checked my email today and will be interviewing locally for the job in Japan next month. Feeling very excited about it, but really pressed to get 'ish done. The interview requires that I get a ton of references and with my discreet nature it will be an interesting thing to do. I don't want everybody all up in my business, and it will especially be hard for me if I don't get the job. I'm kind of hoping to leave in a very PLATOW! I'M GONE BITCHEZZZ!!! kind of way. And the only way to do that is to leave without anyone knowing that I was planning on doing this in the first place sooo . . . we'll see how this works out. Either way, I love the idea of just being like . .

Me: So yeah, I'm moving

Unsuspecting Person: Oh really? Where?

Me (brick serious face): Japan

Unsuspected Person: (laughs) Yeah, right!

Me: (said in ghetto, angry black woman manner) What? A sistah can't live in Japan?! Why I can't live in Japan?!

Unsuspected Person: ???

I need to be able to do that. The whole trip to Japan will be ruined if I can't do that just once. But we'll see! The interview is November 14th.

Sincerely,

Dear Irony,

Me and my dog made friends with a little boy that just moved into the neighborhood. It was the cutest thing. The boy looked to be about 10 years old and he was just dying to play fetch with the little guy, so I gave him the baseball and let him throw it around for a while. It was adorable and the boy had quite an arm on him. I told him he should think about playing baseball, but he's strictly a football kid. It was kind of awkward on my end, because the kid was kind of quiet but I hope to see him around more. My dog could use someone with a little more energy than I can offer and besides, I need practice with kids. I mean, if I can't communicate with kids who speak the same language as me, I don't stand a chance with the little brats over in Japan, lol.

Sincerely,

Dear David Letterman Show Audience,

Why the HAYEL were yall clapping and cheering once David finally reveals the "creepy" and "terrible" thing he did as cheating on his wife with women he works with. Maybe I missed the humor in that. (shrugs)

Sincerely,

Dear Stephanie from Breathing Up the Oxygen,

Thank you for always commenting on my blogs. You always remind me that there is someone out there reading my stuff and it is much appreciated. I have a friend out in Texas that I plan on visiting one day and I have absolutely no clue where she lives in Texas (and Texas, from what I hear, is a pretty big state) so if she's anywhere near you, I plan on letting you know and we can get ice cream or something. And I promise, I'm not psycho and I won't try to kill you or anything!

Thanks Again!

Dear Blogosphere,

Yall need to get up on this blog! I should have like a million followers by now. Because, I don't know if you know this but . . .

Sincerely,

p.s. I WANT TO BE ON YOU!!!

Dear Doggy,

Everytime I look at you, I feel guilty for making an attempt to break out of the country. Especially last night when you were barking and running in your little puppy dreams. I wonder what you are dreaming about. Anyway, please forgive me. I do love you!

Bark, Bark!

. . . that's all I got for now folks! Peeeeeace!!!