My Diet

So I am again on a diet.  It all started after my Facebook creeping.  I deactivated my page a month ago so I could concentrate on applying to grad school, but after submitting my app last month, I've been slowly getting back on.  Well, lately, I've noticed my cousin with a body of steel.  She's been taking a million pictures looking intensely at the camera with bulging biceps and a rock hard six pack.  All of her posts are about getting fit and she documents her visits to the gym along with unfortunate members of my family who are apparently being dragged along by her at 6am in the morning.  There's this guy that comments on all of her posts like, "Go hard or go home!" and stuff like that.  The posts have been getting more intense as the months go on and it cracks me up, but I'm not going to lie - I want that six pack.  I want it bad.  Reeeal bad!!!

A couple weeks ago I worked a black tie dinner and asked one of my best friends to come along and volunteer.  I had to squeeze some spanks on so I could get into my dress without looking like a sausage and I noticed that my friend was looking a little thick as well.  We've known each other for a long time (about 11 years) and she's always been a really slim girl - actually, we've both always been slim.  So she was telling me that she's trying to lose some weight and being that my friend is a Type A personality, when she says she's going to do something, she always has some elaborate plan set up to get it done.  So I said, "Cool!  I want to lose weight too!  What's the plan? Let's work together."  Although, she was nice about it - she gave me a "You're on your own partner" kind of reply.  "I'm going to just talk to my dietician and he's probably going to put me on a low carb regimen.  And I'll also hit up the gym."
Me - "Oh."  (air completely deflated from my balloon.)  (Also thinking to myself, a dietician?  Well excuuuuuuuse me!)
So at that point, I decided to use the knowledge I'd acquired over the years and make my diet up.  So my diet at this point consists of counting calories and sticking to a diet high on protein and fiber, eating more fruit and veggies than meat and the only meat I'm eating is chicken and fish.  I heard that losing weight is 80% diet and 20% exercise.  So I've greatly decreased my calorie intake while also increasing the amount of times I eat per day.  I've been eating every three hours starting at 6:30am.
So that's 6:30am
9:30am
12:30pm
3:30pm
6:30pm
And maybe 9:30pm if I get hungry.

Also, I'm hitting the gym everyday and doing as many sit-ups as my stomach will allow along with some cardio and a whole lot of calisthenics and weight lifting.  I'm sitting here as sore as can be but something funny is happening.  I am not as hungry as I thought I'd be.  AND one thing that I never could have imagined is on my side.  My laziness.  You see, even when I am hungry - I don't have the willpower to get up and cook a healthy meal so I just sit and snack on almonds and drink a ton of water.  Either way, the weight is not exactly melting off but the muscle is definitely starting to reveal itself a little so that works for me, I guess.  I do crave cakes and pies but I want that six pack more - so we'll see which one wins out.

All right, that's all I got.  G'nite!!!

The Never Ending Quest

After being broke for months on end, I finally gave in and got a job.  And one of the things that I said I would do after getting my first paycheck was to buy a Wii so I could get the new Zumba 2 game.  (My other thing was to get a colonic . . . I know TMI, lol.  But when you get to a certain age, it's all about digestion, regulation and keeping the body cleansed.)  So any who, the reasons behind these two endeavors was/is that I want to lose weight.  My pants have not been fitting like they should and also, I don't feel as light on my feet as I once did.  So as planned, I got the Wii and bought Zumba 2.  The next day I was jumping around and sweating like crazy, trying to keep up with the dance moves.  It was fun and really effective but the thing about working out - it makes you hungry . . . REALLY hungry.  So the first week that I started doing Zumba, I went out and bought (are you ready?) a cheeseburger with the works on a Krispy kreme bun with chocolate covered bacon.  Someone dared me to eat that burger a couple months ago and I never had the desire but after hours of grueling Zumba dancing and running with my dog at the park, that was the first weird craving to pop into my mind (despite the fact that the girl who challenged me was no where in sight).  The girl was a teenager and very - I don't know how to put this - full of energy and joy for life - in other words, she could give a f--- about a beer gut.  She was talking this burger up to the highest degree and I guess after sweating like a pig, I decided to act like one too.  (And to tell you the truth, after all of those calories, it was still nothing to write home about.  I think the excitement is more about the novelty of the burger than the actual taste.)  Either way, the binge eating continued and with the burger, I had a side of fries and a birthday cake flavored milkshake with a cupcake on top of it.  Not going to lie, that shake was mother-freaking delicious.  The burger joint that I went to is notorious for their strange milkshakes and burgers and it is NOT the place to go if you want to lose weight.



Either way, I've been continuing with the Zumba every day and last week, I checked my weight after months of avoiding scales and I was at a whopping 156 lbs.  Can you believe that???  Nearly 160!!!  I have never EVER been that big in my life.  I don't know if any veteran readers are reading this, but I did a post like a couple years back about how I was upset at being - what? - like 145 or something.  So yeah, I've surpassed the big 150 mark.  After I saw that scale, I've been pumping and jumping around like my life depended on it.  I also went out and got that colonic in a desperate attempt to rid my body of any excess weight that I might be able to drop with some quickness.  (Suffice it to say that was a real soul searching experience, 0_o).  Thank god the lady that worked with me was very "grandmommish." Grandmoms don't mind talking about poop.  I could do a whole post dedicated to that day, but I'll spare you.

Now I am on a journey to drop weight before I visit CA in April.  I have been counting calories and doing Zumba in an attempt to take in less than I put out.  So far I've been super hungry and the small portions that I've been eating don't seem like enough.  As I write this, I think about what healthy snacks I may have sitting around that I could nom on, but I can't think of one thing.  Because everything is like a million calories.  Even the healthy stuff.  It feels like you do 1 hour of Zumba to burn 400 calories and you eat one cracker and it's all down the drain.  Regardless, I am going to stay on this journey.  And I am actively seeking out healthy recipes.  Also, I plan on posting a few recipes myself.

In other words, help a sistah out.  If you know of a great recipe . . . leave it in the comments section or shoot me an email at Arnettagreen@gmail.com.  Send me good vibes and thanks in advance!

Food, Glorious Food!

It's official. The Master Cleanse is over. I sat down and had a (small) bowl of romaine lettuce covered with granny smith apples, gorgonzola cheese, spiced walnuts and tangy dried cranberries drizzled in italian dressing. Hold on . . . I'm having an orgasm. Ahhh yes!!!

Anywho, I found the gym that I would like to join. Being that we are on the verge of experiencing THE STORM OF THE CENTURY, CENTURY, CENTURY, I won't be able to go until Monday. So until then, I will have to behave myself until I can work it on out. I'm excited and can't wait to get started.

All right, what's going on in my little corner of the world? I have my interview for the ---- job on Monday. For all of you "pro-Japan" people, this does not mean I'm giving up on Japan. I'm just weighing all options and seeing if these folks will make me an offer "I can't refuse." Either way, the man-friend (for his own selfish reasons) hopes that I get this job. My mother is thinking it's a sign from God. Me? I stopped thinking a long time ago.

Ummm . . . what else? Nothing really. Let me get back to watching "Confessions of a Shopaholic." Thank god for instant viewing on Netflix. Some movies should never grace a television screen, lol.

Day 5 and . . .

. . . I'm still alive. Today has been really busy and exhausting for me, so I don't feel like writing much. And I won't. But I have to honor my statement about blogging every day until this diet is over. Oh, and in honor of the Super Bowl (which the man-friend says he HAS to be able to eat during), my diet will officially end on Saturday. :-) The end.

Have a lovely Thursday folks! (Yeah, I'm a quitter, lol)

Day 4 of the Beyonce Diet and My Stomach Pains are Sasha FIERCE

It's Day 4. I lost another pound. Still not hungry. But I want to taste food again. Blah, blah, blah.

Now I'm going to get real with you guys. If you don't like conversations about poop, then I suggest you click the little x in the corner of your screen. This is real talk all right? Not pretty. Here goes . . . I have not had any solid food in my stomach for 4 days. On top of this, I have been drinking herbal LAXATIVE tea. You figure it out.

This diet would be a piece of cake if it wasn't for the occasional cramping from the tea. My body has never done good with laxatives but the man-friend is doing just fine and dandy. My only wish is that we had a loud bathroom fan so that I wouldn't have to hear him exploding every morning.

I swear I will never look at Beyonce the same.

Day 3 and I weigh 143 lbs

Quote of the Day: "Even Georgie's dog food smells good now!" <---The Man-friend

So it's Day 3 of my Master Cleanse diet and shockingly I'm still not really hungry. The lemonade really holds me over and I haven't gotten tired of the taste...yet. I lost 3 lbs and the man friend has lost 7. I'm not mad at him, though. He can stand to lose a few more pounds than I need to. Either way, I'm trudging along even though I have a slight headache (which I get from time to time regardless of being on a diet, so I'm not sweating it.) I've been trying to stay inactive as much as possible. No exercising, no moving around too much. The way I see it, I'm not really taking in any calories so why should I over exert myself when my body will just naturally burn throughout the day? Plus, I'm scared that I might pass out or something could go terribly wrong if I do too much. Either way, that's the update. No six-pack tummy just yet but when I get one, I will be sure to post pictures and put all of you "eaters" to shame!

That was the hater coming out, sorry! :-(

Anywho, one of the things that is helping me to take my mind off of cheeseburgers is . . .

I love me some Tabatha!

Day 2 of the Master Cleanse Diet and Some Other Stuff Too

Day 2 of the Master Cleanse diet. I had a little headache last night as well as this morning. Also, I've been getting some serious stomach cramps. Still, I drunk my laxative tea and will be drinking my lemonade soon. Fun! Oh, and before I move onto the next subject I really want to say that I'm not hungry, so much as craving certain foods. The lemonade is still tasty, but everything else just looks and smells sooo much tastier. Sidenote: 3 hours of my day yesterday was spent tutoring my former-coworker on some software while she snacked on Tostitos and complained about the spicy salsa and her ex-husband. I wanted to kill myself. Onto more interesting topics . . .

Life Gets Complicated

In order to supplement my (lousy) income, I am working (temporarily) on an award show and got the chance to talk on the phone with "Mr. Huxtable" himself. The great Bill Cosby (and no, he didn't ask me if I wanted any pudding pops, daaaw!) He was delightful, but his involvement in my work puts a whole lot of pressure on me to do a good job.

Since our phone conversation, I've been running around getting things done for a video package I am putting together for him and one of the people I have to interview for the package works at my regular job. So while talking to the woman about the interview, my old manager walks past. To give you some background on the manager, he played a very big part in giving me a chance to actually work at my job in the first place. The lady I was interviewing beckons the guy over and asks him why he didn't come over to speak to us. The manager stands motionless, looking at . . . scratch that . . . grilling me.

"I'm mad at Arnetta," he says with the icey cold stare that he always gives me. He's like the really mean dad that I never wanted. Of course, both me and the lady break into the "whyyyy?" chorus like 2 whining children.

"Because there's a (blank) job open and she didn't even apply for it. Never asked me about it. Nothing."

Then there's silence. He does an about face and walks away. Now I'm going to pause things right there and mention that I have not been able to move up at my current job for over 3 years. I have been at the same part-time, overnight, weekend job for the past 3 years. Let me repeat that . . . OVERNIGHT, WEEKEND . . . 3 YEARS (that should give you an idea of my social life). Any attempt that I've made to move up has been ignored or brushed off. It has been my all time dream to move to a specific position at my job and everyone knows it. People have been lobbying for 5 years to get me to that position with no luck. Now, the job is open.

Problem: I am moving to Japan in May.

The job that he is speaking about has been on the company website for a month. I knew about it, and it hurt my heart to know that it was open, but my mind was already set on Japan so I never even thought about applying. I put so many years of my life going after this position only to be laughed at and told that I would never get it (at such a big company). That it wasn't possible. I was told that I should move to a smaller job market and try working my way up elsewhere. And after years of hearing this, I decided to stop wasting my life working overnight/weekends while everyone around me was getting married, moving up in life, traveling around the world and working interesting jobs.

Either way, I am seriously considering putting my heart on the line (again) and applying for the job. After all of the people I told about my going to Japan . . . after all of the money I spent for passports, documents, and insurance policies . . . after hiring a travel agent . . . after SIGNING A CONTRACT, I am considering not going at all. It makes me sick to my stomach to think about all of the crow I'd have to eat and all of the things I'd have to sacrifice if I end up staying. Of course another problem would be regret. The position would require that I work odd hours (again) and it's still only part time. So while sitting at work on a Saturday morning, will I be kicking myself for not going to Japan?

Downside to Japan

If I take the job in Japan, would I be giving up on a goal that I took 5 years of my life trying to attain? Would all of those years have been for nothing? Would I be burning a bridge?

It all comes down to whether I apply for this job and get it. For all I know, I could just get turned down anyway.

Either way, I have a bunch of crap to sort out. Time to drop off this resume!

(Oh, and Steph over at Not the Oxygen featured my guest post on her blog today, so check it out. Her blog is great and I am honored to be a part of it :-)

Day 1 and I Want Some Baked Macaroni and Cheese

So this is Day 1 of my Master Cleanse diet. Me and the man-friend (who is also joining me on this endeavour) made the special lemonade last night. It's actually not too bad. It tastes like lemonade (imagine that!). I didn't expect the maple syrup to add that "sugar" tasting flavor to the concoction the way it did. In other words, I expected it to taste like maple-syrupy-lemon water. But no, it tastes like lemonade with a little cayenne pepper in it. Not bad at all. (For now, lol)

Since it's early in the morning, my body's still working on the pizza from last night. The hunger hasn't gotten violent just yet, but I'm sure within a couple of hours, my stomach is going to be doing all kinds of talking. And I'll just muzzle it with this tasty little drink and later tonight some laxative tea. Needless to say, it's going to be an interesting evening. :-/ Either way, the morning weigh-in was 146 lbs. So that's my update!

My Most Superficial Post Ever

I'll just get straight to the point here . . .

I stepped on the scale yesterday and saw the numbers 1, 4, and 7 (in that order). "Time to take the dog for a walk," I cheerfully said to myself in an attempt to have a more positive outlook on life. You know, get the metabolism popping and the weight dropping (you see what I did there?) Anyway I took Scruffy around the block, got back to the crib and against better judgement, hopped back on the scale. Thinking to myself (like an idiot) . . . hey, I jogged a little near the end of my walk. Maybe I was just a few calories away from dropping a pound. When I looked down, I literally screamed. I'd gained a pound. After getting up early in the morning, walk-jogging and panting in the bitter cold, I weighed more than when I started. So I did what any depressed person would do and made a huge breakfast. After cheese covered scrambled eggs, cream of wheat and pancakes drenched in Aunt Jemima butter syrup, I stepped back on the scale and officially weighed in at 150 lbs. Ah, much better.

POINT TO ALL OF THIS . . .

I want to lose weight and I want to do it now. I want firm abs and thighs that don't rub together. I also don't want to look like I'm 4 months pregnant anymore. I don't want my jeans to have those stretch wrinkles anymore. I want to lose 15 lbs. The ideal weight for my height and body shape has always been 135 lbs. (I'm 5'8) So that's the goal.

PLAN

I'm going to do the Master Cleanse diet (aka the "Beyonce diet"). Over the next few days (starting with tomorrow, hopefully) I will be drinking nothing but a special lemonade concoction and herbal laxative tea. The lemonade will consist of lemons, cayenne pepper and organic maple syrup (sounds gross, but if it does the trick . . .)

I guess the reason that I am going to such extremes is because I need to see results. Call me impatient, call me childish, but nothing would motivate me more than to know that all I have to do is maintain what I've already attained (see what I did there?). The plan, as soon as the diet is over, will be to eat healthy and exercise as much as possible. That will probably be the hard part. Either way, I will be posting every day until I reach my goal weight.

So, yeah. Tomorrow is day 1.

I'm off to get a cheeseburger! :-)