My Most Superficial Post Ever

I'll just get straight to the point here . . .

I stepped on the scale yesterday and saw the numbers 1, 4, and 7 (in that order). "Time to take the dog for a walk," I cheerfully said to myself in an attempt to have a more positive outlook on life. You know, get the metabolism popping and the weight dropping (you see what I did there?) Anyway I took Scruffy around the block, got back to the crib and against better judgement, hopped back on the scale. Thinking to myself (like an idiot) . . . hey, I jogged a little near the end of my walk. Maybe I was just a few calories away from dropping a pound. When I looked down, I literally screamed. I'd gained a pound. After getting up early in the morning, walk-jogging and panting in the bitter cold, I weighed more than when I started. So I did what any depressed person would do and made a huge breakfast. After cheese covered scrambled eggs, cream of wheat and pancakes drenched in Aunt Jemima butter syrup, I stepped back on the scale and officially weighed in at 150 lbs. Ah, much better.

POINT TO ALL OF THIS . . .

I want to lose weight and I want to do it now. I want firm abs and thighs that don't rub together. I also don't want to look like I'm 4 months pregnant anymore. I don't want my jeans to have those stretch wrinkles anymore. I want to lose 15 lbs. The ideal weight for my height and body shape has always been 135 lbs. (I'm 5'8) So that's the goal.

PLAN

I'm going to do the Master Cleanse diet (aka the "Beyonce diet"). Over the next few days (starting with tomorrow, hopefully) I will be drinking nothing but a special lemonade concoction and herbal laxative tea. The lemonade will consist of lemons, cayenne pepper and organic maple syrup (sounds gross, but if it does the trick . . .)

I guess the reason that I am going to such extremes is because I need to see results. Call me impatient, call me childish, but nothing would motivate me more than to know that all I have to do is maintain what I've already attained (see what I did there?). The plan, as soon as the diet is over, will be to eat healthy and exercise as much as possible. That will probably be the hard part. Either way, I will be posting every day until I reach my goal weight.

So, yeah. Tomorrow is day 1.

I'm off to get a cheeseburger! :-)