Thursday, July 30, 2009

Happy Birthday to Meeeee!!!

It's my birthday today and I feel so very special. I didn't tell everyone, because I'm a weirdo, but it's funny, even though people didn't know they were so extra nice to me and it meant a lot. I went to a different department (at my job) to let everyone know (for the 3rd time) that I'm really throwing my hat in the ring for some new positions that have opened up. I got so much positive feedback and support, I damn near grew wings and flew out of the building. I feel great! What a birthday!

Also want to mention (in case anybody read my post from yesterday) I got a lot of birthday wishes from my friends on facebook. (And even though I got the most messages from my cousin's stalker) I'm not going to lie, it made me feel really special. Maybe it'll motivate me to take some pictures of myself while I'm out drinking tonight. Eh, probably not. Too much proof, lol.

I guess this goes to show you that no matter how old you get, something as simple as a birthday acknowledgement can still make your heart flutter (or stomach turn-depending on whether you consider it a bad thing.) But I always consider it a good thing!

Well, that's it. Can't enjoy my birthday if I'm on here typing now can I?

Wednesday, July 29, 2009


"I'm good enough.  I'm smart enough and doggone it!  People like me!"
Stuart Smalley "Daily Affirmations"

I will be moving in a couple of months.  I've decided to room with one of my best friends.  We're the ultimate odd couple (he's much older than me) but what can I say, we work. The new place is a townhouse and it's NIIIIICE!!!  3 floors, washer and dryer, 2 and a half bathrooms and Good God a dishwasher!!!  (Ms. Green drops to her knees) A wonderful, beautiful dishwasher thank you Lord!!!  To say I'm excited is an understatement.  I can't wait for October!  The place has a private movie theater that I can rent out, so once I'm in, you're all invited!!!  (All of Ms. Green's imaginary friends cheer, YAAAY!!!) The move was spurred by my sudden bout of the flu . . . again.  This is my third time getting sick within a four month period and I'm beginning to think it's my crappy apartment.  The place is on the bottom floor of my building, there is not much light or ventilation and it's always dank and musty.  It's gross.  And when I turn on the air conditioner, my throat dries out so much that I can barely breathe at times.  Even my dog sniffles and snortles when he's here.  Poor thing has to endure the place more than I do.  Granted the rent is dirt cheap, I don't want to pay for it with my life.  I have been unhappy with this place since I moved in.  (Ms. Green begins rocking back and forth in her chair like Ms. Sophia in The Color Purple.) The last time I spoke with someone from management, I was signing a lease.  Since then, they've been unavailable.  Unavailable when I was dealing with a termite issue and also while dealing with my kitchen sink overflowing with some strange black water.  It was like a horror movie.  Okay, don't want to think about that, moving right along.

I'm on Facebook.  I told myself I would never do it again, but I have been peer pressured by my brain to do it.  "It's a great way to keep in touch with your distant relatives-especially since the funeral."  "You need to network, whether you like it or not."  "It's good for future employers to see that you have good social skills."  So I signed into my dusty old account (from like 4 years ago, when I was a senior in college) and started accepting people/requesting friendships and what's the first thing I do.  Start to look at people's pages and pick myself apart for not being social enough, or taking enough pictures of myself at parties, bars, clubs and/or overseas in other countries.  I start kicking myself for not quoting scriptures from the bible or from Marilyn Monroe.  I kick myself for being such a private, insecure person who doesn't volunteer at homeless shelters (anymore) and who doesn't feel comfortable putting her information on the internet so she puts a picture up of her dog instead.  I'm trying to do this facebook thing 100% but I'on know man!  Maybe facebook is not for me.  Maybe it's anti-me.  I feel comfortable putting certain things out about myself on here, but that's because it's anonymous, but facebook . . . that's pictures man.  A whole nother story.  I just gotta remember that I'm on my own path, not someone else's.  But sometimes I think that's the main reason I need to shut down my account.  I don't need any distractions, excuses or pity parties for myself.  I'd rather be in my own world, just imagining that the average person is in my shoes.  Looking for a better job, procrastinating, getting sick from breathing in musty, basement air . . . rather than turning on my computer to see that everyone around me is living it up, working "real" jobs, buying homes, getting married, quoting Voltaire and traveling to different countries only to party in clubs and sip margaritas all the time.  That kind of stuff motivates the average person, but in my case, it just depresses the shit out of me.  (Opens fridge - Anybody want some of my haterade, I'm about to drink the rest?  Okay, suit yourselves!)  Oh, but let me finish by saying that although it doesn't seem like it, I am very proud of my friends and their successes, I just know that I can't be truly happy for them until I am truly happy for myself.

With that said, last bit of randomness.  Someone gave me a lead on a job in the media department of a major corporation.  To get that job would be wunderbar!  I'm also trying for a job in another department of the company I currently work for.  I want desperately to get away from my current boss.  She's a real piece of work!  Okay, I gotta go to bed now, it's very late.  Goodnite!

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Six Degrees of Time-share Presentation

Well, I just got back from kicking it mad hard with Mickey Mouse in Orlando for a whole week. The only thing I had to do was sit through one of those time share presentation things and say "no" about half a million times. After several days of picture taking and train rides through the land of automated robots, my friend and I attended the dreaded presentation early in the morning. I equipped myself with some coffee and sunglasses and immediately told my friend that he would be in charge of thinking and speaking. My brain was closed for business. (And boy was it obvious.) The receptionist asked me what hotel I stayed at twice within a 45 second increment and I couldn't tell her both times. I can only imagine how hookerish I must've sounded!

So anywho, our time-share salesman joins us at our little table and commences with the pitch. He kind of looked like a cracked out Kevin Bacon. Small, skinny, real jittery and car salesman-ish, and of course overly polite. Oh and he just looked rough, I don't know how to describe it, it's like a requirement for salesman to look like they spent the night in jail or something. I felt a little sorry for him, because my friend played the part of the "bad cop" and I, of course tried to be the good cop (but like I said, my brain was fried.) So the only thing I could do was smile at his bad jokes, and nod my head as if I cared what the heck he was talking about. At one point he says, "My family moved a lot when I was a kid. But we lived in this area on an Air force base in -blankety blank- Florida."

"Oh, so that makes you an army brat," I responded. (I'll give ya'll a minute to think about that one.)

So while Kevin Bacon attempted to sell us a time share, my mind attempted to stay with him. Until he messed up and said, "unpeccable." UN-PECCABLE. Like, the timing was unpeccable. That was it. Way too much for my feeble brain to bear. The floodgates were open and my imagination went on a trip.

Hahahaha!!!! Did he just say un-peccable? I wonder if "G" (my guy friend) caught that. Un-peccable. What a douche! No, no. Stop that! That's not nice, Arnetta! Maybe he's had a hard life. Maybe nobody ever told him that the word is impeccable. Hehe. I wonder if he says that during every presentation. Un-peccable. Hilarious. I wonder what this guy's home life is like. He looks like a smoker, I could totally see him smoking a cigarette on his lunch break. He probably cheats on his wife with prostitutes and tells her that he's at work selling time share presentations. Unpeccable.

Yes, I'll blame this mind ramble on my lack of sleep. Anywho, it reminded me of all of the words in life I've gotten wrong or jacked up before being corrected. And then wondered how many times I said it before someone had the decency to correct me. So in honor of the cracked out Kevin Bacon who tried to sell me and my friend a time share, I'll list my words.

Facade - pronounced fuh'sahd. How did I pronounce it for gosh, how long? Fuh-Kade. LOL. Also, for years I would say Shurprise, rather than Surprise. (But that was because I was a cute little kid, who didn't know any better.) Also, while playing softball I would often hear my teammates cheering the girl at bat with "Good Eye!" Stupid me, thought they were saying "Good Day" with their best British accents. And what did I say in return? "Thank you! Good day to you too!"

And with that "Good Eye to you all!" Have a wonderful Thursday!!!

Saturday, July 18, 2009

The Year I Longed for Summer to be Over

The report of my death was an exaggeration.
Mark Twain (1835-1910) New York Journal, June 2, 1897

So the Summer of 2009 Race to the Grave Sudden Death Twilight Tour has claimed yet another life. That of beloved anchor man Walter Cronkite. One of the most (if not the most) prestigious name in the history of news. Death is definitely on a roll this year.

Notable Deaths this Spring/Summer include (but are not limited to) . . .

Arturo Gatti (Boxer)
Robert McNamara (former U.S. Defense Secretary)
Steve McNair (Baltimore Ravens Quarterback)
David Carradine (Actor)
Farah Fawcett (Actress)
Michael Jackson (Greatest Performer of all Time)
Billy Mays (TV pitchman)
Ed McMahon (TV celebrity)
Wayne Allwine (Voice of Mickey Mouse for over 30 years)
Wayman Tisdale (Basketball player)
Mickey Carroll (Actor - most famous as the "munchkin" town crier from Wizard of Oz)
Dom DeLuise (Actor and comedian)
Bea Arthur (Actress)
Harry Kalas (Philadelphia Phillies announcer)
Natasha Richardson (Actress)
Socks (Presidential Pet during Clinton Administration)
John Updike (Author)
Andrew Wyeth (Artist)

. . . and on a more personal note, my Aunt died the Friday before last. My family celebrated her life, memory and legacy yesterday. She was an amazing woman with many accomplishments, the most notable being her role as Matriarch to our family. (Which is no small feat because my family is HUGE.) She is the last of her siblings to become deceased and with her death, she concludes a generation of my family. She was loved by all and is very much missed.

R.I.P. Aunt Claudia. I look forward to seeing you in the future.
p.s. You're in good company!

(Wanted to add that I just found out the world's oldest man has died at age 113. Rest in peace to you too, Mr. Henry Allingham.)

Sunday, July 12, 2009

My Life as a Human Sim (For Sim Lovers Only)

Lemme preface this rant with the warning that you are now entering into nerd territory. Put on some goggles or a face mask. This sh** could splatter or be contagious or something.

With that said . . . I absolutely love playing The Sims. I have been a Sims fan since my mother bought me Sim City back in . . . gosh, '96? '97? Anywho, I loved having the ability to create, build and destroy. Of course, everybody else didn't understand why I played so much. They thought that I was crazy and that the game was boring. But years later when "The Sims" came out and really blew up, my mother (and boyfriend at the time) hopped on the crazy wagon with me and we all became Sim-aholics.

The fun part of this game is watching the realistic interactions between the characters. It's hilarious when the person you created, acts just like the person you modeled them after in real life. For example, I created a Sim who looks like me. In this newest edition, I create her personality. Which means that I made her absent minded, funny, artistic, and a bunch of other stuff. However, she does little things that I do and it's so funny. For example, she jumps into the arms of her loved ones, which is something I do. (You gotta have a skrong back to date me fellas!) She cooked for the first time and almost burned down the house. She has a deep-ass voice like me. (Which is weird because I didn't program that).

It cracks me up. Sometimes while going through every day life, I feel like a Sim. I think that's the side effect to this game. All of you Sims fans know what I mean. Sim fans unite!


Or not. Just thought I'd share that witchall! Back to playing my game.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Feast or Famine

Soap Box Rant #325

Never explain - - your friends do not need it and your enemies will never believe you anyway.
Elbert Hubbard (1856-1915)

Last week, I was trying (unsuccessfully) to explain to someone that I was a real "people person," yet a loner. Personally, I don't get what's so hard to understand about that. (To generalize) I love people and people love me. I can pretty-much hold my own in social settings and I have real life friends and experiences that prove it (really I do!). It's just that my life isn't like an episode of Friends, or Sex and the City, or hell, any sitcom. I don't do lunch with my girlfriends at the diner down the street. I don't go to a bar where "everybody knows my name." And I don't have an "entourage." It's just me and my road-dawg . . . who just happens to be *ahem* a real dog. Of course, the more I tried to explain this "phenomenon," the more I sounded like a total douche-bag. "No seriously! People love me! I'm awesome. Really!"

Needless to say, that battle was lost. (I hate interviews!) These past couple days have been a whirlwind, however, and everyone's been coming out of the woodwork (including myself). It all started with the 4th of July parade. I ran into a bunch of folk I hadn't seen in a while and exchanged numbers with people I'd never seen before in my life. The next day I went to a salsa club and coincidentally met up with 6 people. 3 of them were good friends, and the other 3 I didn't know very well but by the end of that night we were all best friends. I visited my twin sister the next day. We listened to music, and I helped her fill a baby swimming pool while her little ones played out in the sun.

I went to lunch with an old acquaintance a couple days later. Talked for hours with 2 good friends I hadn't heard from in months. Yesterday I stopped by my favorite sorority sister's house to visit her and her new baby and watch a video that I put together for another one of my sorority sisters that I will be seeing tomorrow night. Tonight, however, I will be going to a sushi spot with one of my best friends from college. And this Monday through Friday I will be spending vacation with my bestest friend forever at the happiest place on earth (uh, that would be Disney World yall).

Now, as I mentioned previously, I am generally a loner and this is not the norm. I really don't get out much. Half these people I haven't seen in months, some of them in over a year. (But the beauty of my friendships are that they always pick right up where they left off. Never missing a beat.) Most of my days are spent peeling off my toenails in front of a computer screen or out on long hikes with my dog-child. I don't get a lot of company at my apartment and for the most part I'm pretty content with that. But I guess, when questioned, even I need proof that there isn't something wrong with me. And despite my crazy weeks, that one simple question, "Are you a people person?" really had me second guessing myself.

But you know what? Deep down inside I think that I'm the norm. I think that most people are like me, picking at their toenails (or noses--I don't judge), while watching tv or checking email. Walking their dogs, or buying tampons at Walgreens, and just doing normal, everyday sh** that doesn't include being surrounded by a bunch of people and doing exciting, adventurous stuff everyday. I think to a certain degree everyone has a little "loner" in them. Some people just have the (burden?) (advantage?) of actually living alone.

Anywho, in life it's always feast or famine. Either I'm the coolest, most happening chick around town. Or I'm the most boring, loser-y person there is. Either I'm making loads of money or none at all.

But whatever this month has in store, I know that after this week, I am going to be burned out. I'm putting up the "closed" sign and turning off the phone. Ms. Green can only be a "people person" in spurts.