Realizations

Courtesy of Stephanie from Not the Oxygen. Here are some things I'm realizing. Feel free to repost or comment with whatever you've come to realize.

1. I've come to realize that my chest-size...is smaller than I thought. But my cup size is a Double D. (Ain't that crazy? All this time I've been wearing the wrong size bra)

2. I've come to realize that my job...will be coming to an end. There is finally a light at the end of this tunnel.

3. I've come to realize that when I'm driving...I can be very impatient.

4. I've come to realize that I need....a blue ray DVD player.

5. I've come to realize that I have lost...my patience.

6. I've come to realize that I hate it when...my "church shoes" get scuffed up on the heels.

7. I've come to realize that if I'm drunk...I shouldn't be around someone gross, because I get really, um, friendly.

8. I've come to realize that money...doesn't mean anything if you're not happy. (I used to think that was a load of sh#!)

9. I've come to realize that certain people...have always been there for me.

10. I've come to realize that I'll always...chew ice.

11. I've come to realize that my sibling(s)...make me laugh harder than anyone I know.

12. I've come to realize that my mom...is one of the strongest, yet vulnerable people I've ever met.

13. I've come to realize that my cell phone...is not my lifeline anymore.

14. I've come to realize that when I woke up this morning...I was sweaty.

15. I've come to realize that last night before I went to sleep...I shouldn't have ate that sausage sandwich (okay, I sound really gross).

16. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking...that I can't wait to get home and go back to sleep (I'm at work right now).

17. I've come to realize that my dad...has made a lot of mistakes in his life, but sometimes he really comes through and I should appreciate him for that.

18. I've come to realize that when I get on Facebook...I find out how funny and beautiful my extended friends and family are.

19. I've come to realize that today...is going to be very busy.

20. I've come to realize that tonight...my boyfriend is taking me out to dinner to celebrate my new job offer (that I will be accepting Stephanie :-)

21. I've come to realize that tomorrow...has not happened yet, so I can't try to control it.

22. I've come to realize that I really want to...exercise and get back into shape.

23. I've come to realize that the person who is most likely to repost this is...I have no clue. You guys are random as hell, lol.

24. I've come to realize that life...just is.

25. I've come to realize that this weekend...I can't go spending money all willy-nilly because my bank is stupid and won't process my direct deposit check for a couple days. (They got me 2 weeks ago with some overdraft fees)

26. I've realized the best music to listen to when I am upset...is mellow, soothing songs that help me to put things into perspective

27. I've come to realize that my friends...think about me more than I thought they did.

28. I've come to realize that this year...went by quick and easy.

29. I've come to realize that my EX is... someone that I have got to stop mentioning.

30. I've come to realize that maybe I should...evaluate how hard I can be on myself and other people.

31. I've come to realize that love...is never complicated or mean, or painful.

32. I've come to realize that I don't understand...people in general.

33. I've come to realize my past...is never going to change, no matter how much I obsess over it.

34. I've come to realize that parties...are only fun when you are with a bunch of people who just want to have a good time.

35. I've come to realize that I'm totally terrified...of living an unfulfilled life.

36. I've come to realize that my life...takes dramatic twists and turns in the most natural, smoothest ways.

37. I have come to realize that I...am in a serious, loving relationship with someone for the first time in my life and I may be spending a year away from them.

Let's Do Lunch

I used to be the kind of girl that heard the phrase, we should get lunch some time and actually believed that the person who uttered this meaningless, hyperbolic rhetoric would like to sit down in an environment that serves a pre-dinner meal and indulge in socialization with me. If exchanging phone numbers and/or business cards, I was always the one to call. When someone said, "Let's hang out some time," I thought to myself "I'll call them the next time I go (insert event here)." And how did people respond to my brand of social eagerness? With horror and confusion. LOL It always amazed me.

It's been a while since I've been in one of those awkward situations (Thank God) but I laugh sometimes when I think about how many times I have called up random people who'd told me that we should "do lunch" and attempted to take them up on their offer. It would always go like this . . .

Ring, ring, ring! (that's the phone yall)

Ring, ring, ring! Click!

Them: (confused) Uh, hello?

Me: (excited) Yeah, hey ~blank~ it's me, Arnetta!

Them: (awkward and still a little confused) Oh . . . heeeeey.

Me: About that lunch invitation. How's Sunday? I know a great brunch spot!

Them: Oh, uh, I . . . hmmm

End Scene!

Nowadays I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum. I laugh at fake jokes, make "small talk" about the weather and throw in a "taking it one day at a time" and agree that "we should really get together some time" . . . "it would be absolutely wonderful if we all just got together" and then walk away knowing I have no intentions of ever seeing that person again. Sometimes, I kind of miss my social innocence. Back before I was a cynic and a phony.

Who made up these rules?

In the News . . .

Okay, was just watching the video of this family making complete arses out of themselves on national television and had to drop my 2 cents in there.

Right when little Falcon spills the beans @35 seconds . . . THAT IS SOOO ME WHEN I WAS HIS AGE!!! LOL I couldn't lie to save my life. I was that kid that you would have to practice with over and over again. "Now if such-and-such calls, Mommy went to the grocery store. Did you get that Arnetta? The grocery store. So if anybody asks . . . where did Mommy go?" And there I was with my fingers in my mouth nodding my head and bouncing around the room . . .

"Arnetta? Arnetta? Listen to me. What do you say if such-and-such calls?"

Me, blank stare.

Mom, deep sigh. "Huh? What are you going to say Netty?"

"Ummm . . . (long pause, sneaky smile) youuu said you weeere (pause and then proudly finish up) at the grocery store!" I was adorable!

Bottom line, #1 - don't lie and #2 - don't get your kids to lie for you. They will blow your cover and then ask you what it was that you wanted them to lie about in the first place in front of the people you want them to lie to. They will think it's a game and make you look like a jackass. Lol. Oh and somebody must have been under a lot of pressure, because a poot escaped right along with the truth. Probably why the bible says "the truth will set you free." Did you see the mom and dad nodding their heads profusely, trying to coax him along. Aaaah hahaha!!!

I didn't really follow this story too much to begin with but when I heard that the family was on Wife-Swap, the whole thing really lost credibility for me. The dad looks like an attention whore and he also looks a little "off" so I hope he's not abusing his family behind closed doors. Which I could totally see being the case since that little boy was throwing up on another interview. To sum it all up, they looked like a train-wreck and a reality show starring them would probably be mad dysfunctional.

But seriously, though, this little publicity stunt is so American to me. We have got to stop being so shallow and insincere and attention-whorish as a culture. Probably why our word (and money) mean absolutely nothing to other countries. Also probably why we don't have any real skills as Americans either. Nothing to export, nothing to offer the world except entertainment. People need to teach their kids to make a living by studying science or math and inventing something that other people actually need, rather than trying to get a Jon and Kate Plus 8 television deal. Boy I tell ya!

Well that's all the soap-box preachery I got for now.

In other news I think I may start looking for another header. Go on and have a nice day now!

Sex, Religion and Life

I looove the church lady skits. That was back when SNL used to be funny. "Well isn't that special?"


So like I mentioned before, I'm doing the "church lady" thing (well, not to the Dana Carvey extreme. Just trying to follow certain moral codes and go to church and do good deeds and stuff) and per usual I started stressing myself the fluck out. And what do I do when I overwhelm my brain with schizophrenic insanity? I skip out on my responsibilities, over indulge and find ways to release tension. So, I skipped bible study night on Thursday (for work purposes), went to a transvestite bar with some of my colleagues after work, drunk too much (only 2 drinks, what can I say? I'm a lightweight), woke up late yesterday, had a lazy day and had mind blowing sex with my boyfriend and then slept for hours and had the worst, Christian guilt nightmare complete with violence, and Satan and darkness and me flying to China (not Japan, China) . . .
literally flying around at night, like Peter Pan. I've always found Peter Pan slightly creepy to begin with, I really don't know why. (shrugs)


Anyways, it was a minor setback after being celibate all of this year except for 2 other set backs soooo what are you going to do? (And to my defense, I did not know it was tranny night at that bar until the transvetite got up on the mini make-shift stage, swung her weave around, did a split and bulged her eyes at me . . . LOL.) But I am the first to admit that I don't always do things by the book and that I'm far from perfect. I also try not to judge people because at the end of the day, I'm selfish and don't really care enough about other people to judge them (unless they do something terrible to a defenseless person or animal, then I judge away).

Anywho, I've always seen religion and spirituality as a continuous, personal effort. So I just gotta get back in the driver's seat and play by the rules that I have made a personal decision to follow.

Moving right along. A month ago, I reconnected with an old friend via facebook. I found out that he works right down the street from where I live so naturally we decided to do happy hour after he met up with a client.

Now to give you some back story on my friend . . . I met him my freshman year of college and his "super" senior year. He's the son of a minister (or preacher, pastor, whatever . . . one of those) was a jokester and a pervert (never hit on me, though) and he was always a very blunt individual. Always cracking jokes on people and just plain saying some ignant 'ish sometimes, but that kind of stuff didn't really phase me (because I never took him seriously) so we always got along swimmingly.

Anywho, we met up a couple times and at one point he brought me a dozen roses, which was a little frustrating to me because we'd planned to meet up (or at least I thought) to discuss an idea that I had. He was supposed to be helping me out with it, but apparently he wanted to be all googly-eyed even after I told him that I was seeing and was in love with someone. I thought we were on the same page, but a dozen roses doesn't exactly spell "business meeting" lol. However, on the "date" he never made any romantic gestures and he even mentioned his sexual encounters with other women so I made nothing of the floral arrangement/elephant in the room.

Fast forward to last week, we meet up and get into the worst argument about what else? Religion. For years I told him that I don't discuss religion because . . . I just don't. Politics and religion are 2 things that I don't get into with other people (outside of my boyfriend and mother). He's always known that and has always wanted me to be more "confident" (as he put it) in discussing my beliefs. The last time we met up, he said that he was impressed because I'd told him that I go to service every week and plan on getting baptized one day . . . which is waaaay more than I've ever said like ever!! I really don't discuss ANYTHING concerning religion (even when it comes to superficial things, like where I go to church), so I guess he thought the floodgates were open and starts talking garbage. He starts saying dumb 'ish about what (he thought) I believed and tried to switch up and say he believed the same thing even though we are on opposite ends of the religion spectrum. I told him that we don't believe the same thing which is okay in my book, let's just sing Kumbaya and call it a day. Of course, couldn't leave it at that and begins asking me a bunch of loaded yes or no, "riddle me this batman" questions and I answered them all (because I'm fair like that). And when I ask him ONE yes or no question, he dances around it like Muhammad Ali.

Me: Yes or no?
Him: Wait a minute, lemme answer. What I think is that at the end of the day we . . .
Me: That's not a yes or no answer.
Him: Wait, but if you let me finish, I'll answer the question. (stalls for time) You won't let me finish . . . (long pause)
Me: You can answer the question with one word. Yes or No.
Him: (Pause) Lemme explain for a minute. (Commences with long-winded spiel)

Unfortunately, while he spoke, swallowed, took breaths in between and spoke some more about why we both agree on hell and damnation, I watched his lips move and proceeded to get pissed . . . the hell . . . off. I absolutely HATE when people are not fair in debate. It doesn't matter what the debate is. It's a deal breaker for me. At the end of the night, I told him that he must have thought I was an idiot and he can carry on his conversation with someone stupid enough to listen to his one-sided dumb ass opinion. In hindsight, I think he was trying to convince me that we both believed the same thing because he wanted to become one big happy couple with me and was hoping to get the silly ole different religion "problem" out the way early. Which to me was retarded because #1 - It never mattered what he believed in the first dang place and #2 - I'm already seeing someone. So then after all this, he writes a letter attempting to explain it all and even mentioning the feelings he's been harboring for me all this time.

I really don't know why I wrote this long, drawn out story. I guess I still find it confusing. How do you reconnect with someone, bring up something they don't want to discuss, make an attempt to convince them of something that you know is illogical and then after pissing them off, profess your love for them when you know they are in a relationship? At the end of that long day, I apologized to my old friend for flying off the handle (imagine that? lol), and I crawled into my big warm bed and fell asleep in my boyfriend's arms. That interaction made me really appreciate him a little bit more.

I also remembered why I never liked to talk about religion with people. It never ends well.

Oh and a little tip for you guys (not that there's any guys reading this) . . . if you are interested in a girl, do not argue with her. You may win the argument, but you still always end up the loser that goes home and crawls into a cold, empty bed . . . alone.

Ima let yall marinate on that for a minute. Peace!

Independent's Day

"Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Just walk beside me and shut the frick up."

- Arnetta Green

Haaa! (Said obnoxiously loud). The quote doesn't go like that, as I'm sure you already know but that's how I feel most of the time. Want to know what really burns my cookies? (And yes, I say "burns my cookies" all the time. I got that from some cute little old lady, who was really angry at something-and I loved it, and I love her. So thank you cute little old lady!) So yeah, what burns my cookies is bossy people. I absolutely can't stand bossy people. It's been that way since the beginning of time.

I remember a loong looong time ago, I had to have been three or four years old. My twin sister and I (yes, I have a twin) were in daycare or pre-K (told you it was a while back). And there was this loud, little girl with crazy braids shooting up all over her head. After lunch, we were at recess and she was bossing me and my sister around. "Push me on the swing, help me get on the see-saw, pull me on the wagon." I don't know how it ended up happening, but I remember giving my twin sister the side eye once the little girl got into the wagon. We both pulled the wagon to the top of a hill and pushed, watching the little girl scream as the little red wagon careened to the bottom of the hill, landing in a pile of mud. (That is one creepy-ass story when I think about it. We were like those twins on "The Shining." lol) But yes, never liked bossy people. Even as a toddler.

It could just be my personal hangup. Most people don't mind following direction. But me? Absolutely not! Probably because I tend to be a magnet for dominating people (kindness for weakness syndrome). But it's mainly because I'm an artist, so there's a bit of an independent streak to my personality. To the detriment of the so called "leader" types, being this way has made me quite self sufficient which means there's not a lot of people who can say that they were a part of my successes. I can go into a corner and come out with a masterpiece if given time, space and freedom. The only time this is a problem is when I'm around some bossy ass nosey ass person, who needs someone to dominate. In my opinion, a real leader is born out of necessity and usually because people naturally start to follow them, not because they go around trying to recruit. So if there is no reason for me to exist, I exist to be contrary and annoying to people who think I'm subservient. Which makes me kind of an a-hole, lol.

So on the other end, I am far from a leader. People tend to not want to follow me. I don't know if I seem lost or "out of it." I just know that I never seem to be on the same page as the rest of the world, so people tend to be boggled by my ability to excel first, in school, and later on in my career. I used to be offended by that, but now I find it flattering and fun to surpass people's expectations. Well, she can't be that crazy, she seems to be doing sort of okay in her personal life. (LOL, Oh, yes, I can be that crazy!) And then only after people see that there's a method to my madness, everybody wants to join the team and jump on the bandwagon. That's when I say, sorry folks, there's only room for one passenger on this train wreck.

It's fun being me!

So, in conclusion, I guess if this world was divided into leaders and followers, I would have to check the box that says "independent" because I don't fit well into either one of those categories.