Maybe We Do Have Bad Attitudes

I may piss a lot of people off with this one but who the hell cares?  This is my blog and I can say what I wanna.  (Now that the unwarranted, guilt-ridden self-defensive statement is out of the way . . . )  One of my best friends was on the Anderson Cooper show on Friday with her boyfriend.  The show was talking about interracial relationships (my friend is a white woman and her man is black.)  Well, at some point in the show, a black lady made a comment that she's disgusted when she sees black men with white women and that black men only date white women because they're more submissive and blah-blah-blah (I wasn't really listening).  The comment was ignorant (in my opinion) and personally, I thought the whole thing (the show, the topic, etc.) was silly to begin with.  I think the show was promoting the book Is Marriage for White People which is a stupid question.  Truth be told, I was only watching it to support my buddy.  Who really gives a rat's ass about interracial dating nowadays?  (Again, my humble opinion)  Either way, after she spoke, Anderson went over to my friends and asked them what they thought about the lady's comment.  Tyrone said that he was disgusted with it, but he also said that White women do have more of an easy-going/bubbly attitude.  My friend, Sarah (after mentioning that she has black female friends - that would be me yall, lol) then kind of reinforces her man's words by saying that yeah, Black women can be a little defensive.

I laughed at the "oohs" that she got from the audience.  Of course, Jacque Reed jumped in and explained Black women's viewpoint (or whatever) as to our anger and pain or something (still not really listening).  I guess the whole thing just went over my head.  Granted, I am a black woman.  This is an undeniable truth.  But as someone who's spent a lot of time on the receiving end of judgements, anger and nastiness of my sisters (and I mean "sistahs" not my biological sisters, though they have had their days); I can honestly raise the question that maybe - just maybe - we do have some f**ed up attitudes.  It goes without saying that there are plenty of White women (and Asian and Hispanic - just women in general) with bad attitudes, but I can only speak from my experiences as a Black woman (who has had to defend myself against the stereotype my whole life.)

I don't have a lot of black female friends.  I have about 2 to tell you the truth.  Other than them, I have a couple white girlfriends, hispanic and now a few Japanese girlfriends.  In the grand scheme of things, as someone who's grown up in the housing projects (surrounded by Black women, mind you), in a small poor neighborhood, pledged a Black sorority, minored in African American Studies in school, and jumped through damn near every hoop that most Black woman have to jump through (dealing with Black men, going to church, self-esteem issues, racism, sexism, etc.) - I've still emerged with only two Black female friends who are not in my family.  2.  And one of them is in my sorority - so that feels a little "default-ish" too.

Either way, I've always been someone with a friendly personality.  I'm uninhibited with who I talk to and have been known to be friendly and very "unassuming."  To the point where a good amount of Black women have questioned my blackness and the ones who didn't just assumed that something was a little off with me.  And throughout all of the rejection, I used to defend my sisters.  To the point where I would be extra nice in situations where I didn't have to be.  I've listened to Black men rant about Black women and I've attempted to defend "us" and be "the voice of reason" as if I could explain it all.  Truth was, I couldn't.  I barely had two black girlfriends to rub together.  There were times when I'd seen sistahs go in on people for some of the stupidest shit that I could not in a thousand lifetimes explain.  Hell, there were times when sistahs have gone in on me, for some dumb shit - and I had no idea how to react.  It was like I was a member of a gang and I didn't know our "colors" or gang signs.  (I remember back in college, one of my sorority sisters was telling me that she wanted a girl to join our sorority because she and the girl were ready to fight at one point.  She said that this was the kind of toughness that she wanted in our "clique."  I just looked at her confused.  Why would you want someone with a jacked up attitude to work with you side by side in a sorority?  Wouldn't you want a nice person to do like sisterly stuff with - you know, sisterhood?)  Either way, I guess this was why I didn't (and don't) have a lot of Black female friends.  That attitude is part of the "strong" "real" "take-no-mess" category that we like to put ourselves into and frankly . . . I don't have have it.  It doesn't make me weak, or fake or submissive, but it definitely makes me a little different.  And part of coming into my own was accepting this fact about myself - and honestly, about my sistahs.

Now I don't necessarily believe that there is a correlation between Black women's attitudes and the whole lack of marriage "crisis" in the Black community.  With my rainbow coalition of friends, I get to see the whole perspective - and the truth is, my Japanese girlfriends (and white girlfriends) are singing the same tunes that my Black sisters are belting out (about not enough good men to go around).  And personally, I've had just as many Black men repulsed at my bubbly personality as there were ones who were delighted by it.  (It's just a matter of preference).  Just the other day, I walked over to one of the two Black dudes at the Meet and Greet for my job and you should have seen the quick eye-roll he had for me.  It wasn't until the rest of the peeps there started shaking my hand and talking to me, that he realized that I was "cool beans" and he began to converse a little as well.  It was like he realized that I didn't have the attitude . . . he did.  (That's what I like to call getting the "pre-attitude" attitude - something that I get a lot of as a BW.)  So yeah, Black men have a little work to do in the attitude department as well.  But when it comes down to my sistahs, I am not defending anyone anymore.  The only black female I will defend is myself and just because I'm a black woman doesn't mean that I don't have to deal with bad attitudes from other Black females.  I hate dealing with that mess too.  Shoot!  lol

Auditions (or a Little Thing I'd Like to Call Throwing My Current Friends Under the Bus)

So whilst watching my new favorite "girlfriend bonding" show Let's Talk About Pep, I felt those similar feelings that have always seemed to dwell in the pits of my...I dunno...loins? bowels? My seasonal wish (and I say seasonal because it comes and goes) craving for a group of gal-friends to brunch with and chat it up with on random Saturday afternoons throughout the month.

All right, lemme grab my box of tissues and find my way over to the leather couch.

Disclaimer: the following stories will have more than a few references to shows like Living Single, Girlfriends, Sex and the City and Let's Talk About Pep so if you've never watched any of those shows I've provided links as help. (Oh, and seek help :-)

*Eh, eh, eh...Ahem* It all started when I was a youngin and Living Single came out. The show (starring Queen Latifah and some other chicks) was about 4 beautiful, single (Black) women living in New York City. At the time that it came out, my 10 year old mind said, "Heyyyy!!! I have 2 sisters and my Mom. That makes 4 of us!" and from that point on I was Maxine from Living Single minus the New York City, the sex, the being grown and being a lawyer part. Either way, we were all living single and nobody was Sinclaire and everything was great and we were in a nineties kind of world and my mom wore a bunch of wigs and then my sister got engaged and preggars while I was away at college and our plan got shot to the fiery pits of hell (and there is a part of me that will never forgive her for that - even though I love those little brats).

Okay, so the show Girlfriends comes out and it's onto plan B. Who wants to live in New York City anyway? I was in college and while I already had girlfriends, they were all in different groups and I couldn't seem to get them all together at once. So in search of sisterhood, I joined a sorority. All of us were young, Black, single and living la college loca. We were going to go to parties together, eat lunch together, go shoe shopping together and date hot guys and just be awesome. We were really going to DO it. Oh, wait...did I say we? What I should have said is that they were really going to do it. I was too broke to do anything and after pledging for a million years, I was left looking like the (homeless, broke, needing a handout, college student) "Lynn" character minus the free ride and lost interest in the show and lost interest in the whole wanting to do the girlfriends thing anyway in the first dang place because who cares and I'm SO OVER IT! (Which then lead to a downward spiral of having nothing but guy friends - who didn't really give 2 craps about me outside of trying to get me naked - but that is for another therapy blog session, my friends). So yeah...foiled again.

Now we're in the post-college days. Picture me...a mid to late twenty something Arnetta Green, working in my professional field, living in a major city with a good amount of girlfriends around the time the Sex and the City movie came out. Too conservative to be Samantha and too liberal to be Charlotte. Too fun to be Miranda and I write a lot so I guess that would make me Carrie. I'm not rich but I can afford to treat some girlfriends to lunch (stop shaking your head man-friend, I could if I wanted to!) but about those impromptu lunches? Yeeeaah (said like guy on office space) that's not gonna happen. You see, you gotsta have time for that kind of thing. And time...I do not have. And it still wouldn't be one of those "girlfriend" situations either because I still can't seem to get more than one girl together at the same time. (And yeah, that probably sounded a bit molester-ish, didn't it?) Either way, the desire was suffocated yet again...until, of course, Let's Talk About Pep comes onto the scene reigniting my teeny weeny wittle wish to have brunch with a group of women (that would actually get along with each other) once or twice a month. Is that asking too much random internet people?? Well, IS IT???!!!

So because my hours suck and my current friends suck and want to be all separate and not randomly go to lunch together, I've decided that I want to put out my own This May Sound Crazy Classified Ad, so here goes . . .

***CHARMING, TWENTY-SOMETHING WOMAN LOOKING FOR 3 PLATONIC GIRLFRIENDS TO HAVE LUNCH DATES WITH ONCE (OR TWICE) A MONTH***

SEEKING A REALLY SEXUALLY REPRESSED FRIEND, A REALLY "SEXUALLY LIBERAL" FRIEND AND A "WILDCARD" FRIEND. I WILL BE THE QUIRKY AND FUNNY, YET GROUNDED FRIEND. ALL WOMEN MUST BE PROFESSIONAL IN SOME WAY, BUT WORK HOURS THAT ALLOW FOR LUNCH AT RANDOM DATES OR TIMES AND HAVE THE ABILITY TO DROP IT LOW OR CUT A BISH IF THEY HAVE TO. MUST BE AVID READERS AND UP TO DATE ON CURRENT EVENTS.

ALSO, MUST BE FRIENDLY, INTERESTING, FUNNY, GROWN AND OPINIONATED BUT NOT OVERLY DOMINATING, ANTAGONIZING, RUTHLESS OR TWO-FACED. ALSO, MUST CONSTANTLY HAVE SOMETHING (INTERESTING) GOING ON IN LIFE.

***THIS DOES NOT MEAN DRAMA*** DRAMA QUEENS, SMOKERS AND ALCOHOLICS NEED NOT APPLY.

I CURRENTLY LIVE IN THE PHILADELPHIA AREA AND WILL BE MOVING TO JAPAN SO THIS TEAM MUST BE ASSEMBLED AND READY TO EXECUTE FIRST LUNCH BY END OF MAY/2011. SEE YOU THEN!