Auditions (or a Little Thing I'd Like to Call Throwing My Current Friends Under the Bus)

So whilst watching my new favorite "girlfriend bonding" show Let's Talk About Pep, I felt those similar feelings that have always seemed to dwell in the pits of my...I dunno...loins? bowels? My seasonal wish (and I say seasonal because it comes and goes) craving for a group of gal-friends to brunch with and chat it up with on random Saturday afternoons throughout the month.

All right, lemme grab my box of tissues and find my way over to the leather couch.

Disclaimer: the following stories will have more than a few references to shows like Living Single, Girlfriends, Sex and the City and Let's Talk About Pep so if you've never watched any of those shows I've provided links as help. (Oh, and seek help :-)

*Eh, eh, eh...Ahem* It all started when I was a youngin and Living Single came out. The show (starring Queen Latifah and some other chicks) was about 4 beautiful, single (Black) women living in New York City. At the time that it came out, my 10 year old mind said, "Heyyyy!!! I have 2 sisters and my Mom. That makes 4 of us!" and from that point on I was Maxine from Living Single minus the New York City, the sex, the being grown and being a lawyer part. Either way, we were all living single and nobody was Sinclaire and everything was great and we were in a nineties kind of world and my mom wore a bunch of wigs and then my sister got engaged and preggars while I was away at college and our plan got shot to the fiery pits of hell (and there is a part of me that will never forgive her for that - even though I love those little brats).

Okay, so the show Girlfriends comes out and it's onto plan B. Who wants to live in New York City anyway? I was in college and while I already had girlfriends, they were all in different groups and I couldn't seem to get them all together at once. So in search of sisterhood, I joined a sorority. All of us were young, Black, single and living la college loca. We were going to go to parties together, eat lunch together, go shoe shopping together and date hot guys and just be awesome. We were really going to DO it. Oh, wait...did I say we? What I should have said is that they were really going to do it. I was too broke to do anything and after pledging for a million years, I was left looking like the (homeless, broke, needing a handout, college student) "Lynn" character minus the free ride and lost interest in the show and lost interest in the whole wanting to do the girlfriends thing anyway in the first dang place because who cares and I'm SO OVER IT! (Which then lead to a downward spiral of having nothing but guy friends - who didn't really give 2 craps about me outside of trying to get me naked - but that is for another therapy blog session, my friends). So yeah...foiled again.

Now we're in the post-college days. Picture me...a mid to late twenty something Arnetta Green, working in my professional field, living in a major city with a good amount of girlfriends around the time the Sex and the City movie came out. Too conservative to be Samantha and too liberal to be Charlotte. Too fun to be Miranda and I write a lot so I guess that would make me Carrie. I'm not rich but I can afford to treat some girlfriends to lunch (stop shaking your head man-friend, I could if I wanted to!) but about those impromptu lunches? Yeeeaah (said like guy on office space) that's not gonna happen. You see, you gotsta have time for that kind of thing. And time...I do not have. And it still wouldn't be one of those "girlfriend" situations either because I still can't seem to get more than one girl together at the same time. (And yeah, that probably sounded a bit molester-ish, didn't it?) Either way, the desire was suffocated yet again...until, of course, Let's Talk About Pep comes onto the scene reigniting my teeny weeny wittle wish to have brunch with a group of women (that would actually get along with each other) once or twice a month. Is that asking too much random internet people?? Well, IS IT???!!!

So because my hours suck and my current friends suck and want to be all separate and not randomly go to lunch together, I've decided that I want to put out my own This May Sound Crazy Classified Ad, so here goes . . .

***CHARMING, TWENTY-SOMETHING WOMAN LOOKING FOR 3 PLATONIC GIRLFRIENDS TO HAVE LUNCH DATES WITH ONCE (OR TWICE) A MONTH***

SEEKING A REALLY SEXUALLY REPRESSED FRIEND, A REALLY "SEXUALLY LIBERAL" FRIEND AND A "WILDCARD" FRIEND. I WILL BE THE QUIRKY AND FUNNY, YET GROUNDED FRIEND. ALL WOMEN MUST BE PROFESSIONAL IN SOME WAY, BUT WORK HOURS THAT ALLOW FOR LUNCH AT RANDOM DATES OR TIMES AND HAVE THE ABILITY TO DROP IT LOW OR CUT A BISH IF THEY HAVE TO. MUST BE AVID READERS AND UP TO DATE ON CURRENT EVENTS.

ALSO, MUST BE FRIENDLY, INTERESTING, FUNNY, GROWN AND OPINIONATED BUT NOT OVERLY DOMINATING, ANTAGONIZING, RUTHLESS OR TWO-FACED. ALSO, MUST CONSTANTLY HAVE SOMETHING (INTERESTING) GOING ON IN LIFE.

***THIS DOES NOT MEAN DRAMA*** DRAMA QUEENS, SMOKERS AND ALCOHOLICS NEED NOT APPLY.

I CURRENTLY LIVE IN THE PHILADELPHIA AREA AND WILL BE MOVING TO JAPAN SO THIS TEAM MUST BE ASSEMBLED AND READY TO EXECUTE FIRST LUNCH BY END OF MAY/2011. SEE YOU THEN!