Religion and Everything Else

Today is one of those days where I feel like popping one of these . . .

In other words, I may say some things that I don't mean.  Or who knows?  Maybe I'm going to be realer than I've ever been.  Either way, it's not all bad news.  Actually, my life is coming together okay.  My money came through and I ordered a couple GRE books so I can start studying.  Also, I shot an episode of my web series last week and I even bought a ticket to visit one of my best friends in California.  On top of this, I just landed a part time job and it'll be nice to get a little paycheck coming in.

Outside of all this, I have been pondering some of life's mysteries.  Religion for instance.  Most days I can do the church thing, but lately . . . I don't have the mind for it.  Reading the bible and applying its principles is fine but everything else gives me a headache.  Going to church.  Having to talk to people.  It just feels like a waste of time to me.  I'd rather be at home getting work done.  I don't imagine that I'll be penalized for it.  I don't see God striking me down for not following religion and maybe that's my problem.  Religion is pretty much built on the idea that God will strike you down if you don't actually follow it.  And that's what I don't believe. Yet I still go.  And it's days like this that I ask myself . . . "why?"  Regardless, I will wake up and drag myself to church and no doubt get inspired.  It's just everything else that gets on my nerves.  The guilt.  The feeling that I'm required to do more.  There's no such thing as a free lunch, I guess.

Speaking of religion...I talked to a friend a couple days.  The guy from this post.  We haven't talked in months.  He hit me up a little after I returned from Japan but after that we kind of lost track.  To be honest, I let it happen because the boyfriend was feeling uncomfortable with my talking with him.  Either way, I was hanging out with my New Jersey family and ran into my friend.  We talked a little about my web series and being that my friend is very funny, I told him that I'd love for him to be in an episode.  He invited me to his place because he and his roommates were having a party.  So . . . I went.  (Sorry boyfriend!)  The place was very "frat-housey" complete with beer, bongs, really loud "white people music" (heavy metal and I mean really HEAVY) and a bunch of weirdos.  The only thing was, everybody was like thirty, forty years old.  So me and my friend walk in, my friend is obviously high as a kite.  His eyes are red and he's really laid back.  He also looked really skinny and that made me realize that it'd really been a long time since I last talked to him.  So, he invited me up to his room and I had to measure whether I felt safer listening to the loud Satanic music pumping from the basement or whether I should just risk getting raped upstairs in his room. After a while, his room felt like the better option.  So we go to his room, where it's quiet and we can talk.  I drank a beer and laid back on a futon chair, feeling super relaxed.

Until he starts telling me stories about his life since I was in Japan.  At first it started with him telling me that he predicted the earthquake, amongst a bunch of other predictions that he said he'd made about me including my taking up knitting, to my getting back to America a week before the tsunami hit.  (Which he was wrong, because I got back like almost a month before it hit . . . but I've been telling everyone a week, because, honestly, it sounds better.)  Either way, he was essentially telling me that he was a prophet.  Fine.  Plenty of religious people think they're prophets.  Everybody wants to be important.  I gave him that.  Life is short.  He goes on to tell me about how his grandmother passed away, which was really sad.  I told him that I was sorry to hear that.  But then he goes on to tell me that he went up to heaven with her.  Mmmkay . . . 0_o  So from the heaven story he went into his "breaking into" WWE story which, from the way he told it, meant that he drove his car there at night and got a back stage pass.  Also, he feels he was reincarnated from someone in the bible and that he is spoken about in Revelations and that Satan himself is going to murder him.  It was creepy, weird and at the end of the day sad.  I'm hearing this guy go on and on while hearing all kinds of crazy Marilyn Manson music being shouted from the floors beneath us (live band, by the way) and listening to my friend tell me about how he is going to be murdered by the devil and that he is a prophet of God and can control the weather and that essentially the apocalypse and the fate of the world depends on him.  But honestly, the only thing I could feel was overwhelming sadness for him.  Because it seemed like he was in a place that was so dark, that I couldn't begin to imagine how he got there or if he could get out.  My heart really hurt for this guy.  And throughout his stories, he kept making references to my being in Japan.  He was telling me that he was on a journey, just like I went on my journey.  And I wanted to tell him, "Our journeys have nothing to do with each other."  I don't know how to explain it but it felt like he was affected by my trip more than I ever knew.  He told me that God gave him a bunch of wisdom and he's consciously chosen not to live a life where he gets married, has children or does certain things (I'm guessing career-wise) because he chose wisdom and nothing else.  He then asked me what my goals/plans are.  I told him that I planned to move to CA and get my Master's.  Suddenly, he got a little somber.  He asked me when I was leaving.  I told him.  A quick moment of silence.  We talked some more and then I left.  A couple days later he sent me a text, asking when I was going to be shooting the next episode of my web series.  I told him, in a couple weeks.  I guess this wasn't soon enough because he replied, "I want to see you.  If you're going to CA, I want us in a better place than before when you left for Japan."  Sadly, I can't say that I was thinking about the guy before I left for Japan.  I really wasn't.  As for why he feels it's important for us to "be in a better place" I have absolutely no idea on earth.  But if he needs a friend, I can be that.  I just hope that whatever this is - depression, insanity, whatever - he gets the help that he needs because I doubt being a listening ear can be the solution to whatever demons he seems to be fighting.  He told me that he's alienated from his family now and after talking to him for 2 hours, I totally understand why.  It's just crazy how things happen in life.

So that's all for now.  There's more, but I'm tired.

Goodnite!

Sex, Religion and Life

I looove the church lady skits. That was back when SNL used to be funny. "Well isn't that special?"


So like I mentioned before, I'm doing the "church lady" thing (well, not to the Dana Carvey extreme. Just trying to follow certain moral codes and go to church and do good deeds and stuff) and per usual I started stressing myself the fluck out. And what do I do when I overwhelm my brain with schizophrenic insanity? I skip out on my responsibilities, over indulge and find ways to release tension. So, I skipped bible study night on Thursday (for work purposes), went to a transvestite bar with some of my colleagues after work, drunk too much (only 2 drinks, what can I say? I'm a lightweight), woke up late yesterday, had a lazy day and had mind blowing sex with my boyfriend and then slept for hours and had the worst, Christian guilt nightmare complete with violence, and Satan and darkness and me flying to China (not Japan, China) . . .
literally flying around at night, like Peter Pan. I've always found Peter Pan slightly creepy to begin with, I really don't know why. (shrugs)


Anyways, it was a minor setback after being celibate all of this year except for 2 other set backs soooo what are you going to do? (And to my defense, I did not know it was tranny night at that bar until the transvetite got up on the mini make-shift stage, swung her weave around, did a split and bulged her eyes at me . . . LOL.) But I am the first to admit that I don't always do things by the book and that I'm far from perfect. I also try not to judge people because at the end of the day, I'm selfish and don't really care enough about other people to judge them (unless they do something terrible to a defenseless person or animal, then I judge away).

Anywho, I've always seen religion and spirituality as a continuous, personal effort. So I just gotta get back in the driver's seat and play by the rules that I have made a personal decision to follow.

Moving right along. A month ago, I reconnected with an old friend via facebook. I found out that he works right down the street from where I live so naturally we decided to do happy hour after he met up with a client.

Now to give you some back story on my friend . . . I met him my freshman year of college and his "super" senior year. He's the son of a minister (or preacher, pastor, whatever . . . one of those) was a jokester and a pervert (never hit on me, though) and he was always a very blunt individual. Always cracking jokes on people and just plain saying some ignant 'ish sometimes, but that kind of stuff didn't really phase me (because I never took him seriously) so we always got along swimmingly.

Anywho, we met up a couple times and at one point he brought me a dozen roses, which was a little frustrating to me because we'd planned to meet up (or at least I thought) to discuss an idea that I had. He was supposed to be helping me out with it, but apparently he wanted to be all googly-eyed even after I told him that I was seeing and was in love with someone. I thought we were on the same page, but a dozen roses doesn't exactly spell "business meeting" lol. However, on the "date" he never made any romantic gestures and he even mentioned his sexual encounters with other women so I made nothing of the floral arrangement/elephant in the room.

Fast forward to last week, we meet up and get into the worst argument about what else? Religion. For years I told him that I don't discuss religion because . . . I just don't. Politics and religion are 2 things that I don't get into with other people (outside of my boyfriend and mother). He's always known that and has always wanted me to be more "confident" (as he put it) in discussing my beliefs. The last time we met up, he said that he was impressed because I'd told him that I go to service every week and plan on getting baptized one day . . . which is waaaay more than I've ever said like ever!! I really don't discuss ANYTHING concerning religion (even when it comes to superficial things, like where I go to church), so I guess he thought the floodgates were open and starts talking garbage. He starts saying dumb 'ish about what (he thought) I believed and tried to switch up and say he believed the same thing even though we are on opposite ends of the religion spectrum. I told him that we don't believe the same thing which is okay in my book, let's just sing Kumbaya and call it a day. Of course, couldn't leave it at that and begins asking me a bunch of loaded yes or no, "riddle me this batman" questions and I answered them all (because I'm fair like that). And when I ask him ONE yes or no question, he dances around it like Muhammad Ali.

Me: Yes or no?
Him: Wait a minute, lemme answer. What I think is that at the end of the day we . . .
Me: That's not a yes or no answer.
Him: Wait, but if you let me finish, I'll answer the question. (stalls for time) You won't let me finish . . . (long pause)
Me: You can answer the question with one word. Yes or No.
Him: (Pause) Lemme explain for a minute. (Commences with long-winded spiel)

Unfortunately, while he spoke, swallowed, took breaths in between and spoke some more about why we both agree on hell and damnation, I watched his lips move and proceeded to get pissed . . . the hell . . . off. I absolutely HATE when people are not fair in debate. It doesn't matter what the debate is. It's a deal breaker for me. At the end of the night, I told him that he must have thought I was an idiot and he can carry on his conversation with someone stupid enough to listen to his one-sided dumb ass opinion. In hindsight, I think he was trying to convince me that we both believed the same thing because he wanted to become one big happy couple with me and was hoping to get the silly ole different religion "problem" out the way early. Which to me was retarded because #1 - It never mattered what he believed in the first dang place and #2 - I'm already seeing someone. So then after all this, he writes a letter attempting to explain it all and even mentioning the feelings he's been harboring for me all this time.

I really don't know why I wrote this long, drawn out story. I guess I still find it confusing. How do you reconnect with someone, bring up something they don't want to discuss, make an attempt to convince them of something that you know is illogical and then after pissing them off, profess your love for them when you know they are in a relationship? At the end of that long day, I apologized to my old friend for flying off the handle (imagine that? lol), and I crawled into my big warm bed and fell asleep in my boyfriend's arms. That interaction made me really appreciate him a little bit more.

I also remembered why I never liked to talk about religion with people. It never ends well.

Oh and a little tip for you guys (not that there's any guys reading this) . . . if you are interested in a girl, do not argue with her. You may win the argument, but you still always end up the loser that goes home and crawls into a cold, empty bed . . . alone.

Ima let yall marinate on that for a minute. Peace!

For the Love of God, It's the LOVE of Money!

Soap Box Rant # 24


The Holy Book of the living God suffers more from its exponents today than from its opponents. -Leonard Ravenhill



Bible reading is an education in itself. --Lord Tennyson



Reading the Bible without meditating on it is like trying to eat without swallowing. --Anonymous



One of THE most misquoted scriptures from the bible is 1Timothy 6:10 which says " . . . for the love of money is the root of all evil." Most people quote it as "money is the root of all evil." Which is wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. WROOOOONNNNGGGG!!!



(Money is not evil. It is an object. To love this object, however, causes the many crimes we see in this world. People selling their bodies, their children, killing, wars, famine . . . prettymuch every injustice you see in the world has its beginnings with someone loving money and wanting more of it than necessary.)


Now it doesn't bother me too much when people misquote this scripture. We're not all bible scholars. And that's okay, BUT I don't let it slide. A buzzer goes off in my brain. And I quickly correct the person, because I don't want them going through life thinking or even saying that money is evil. Just like I wouldn't want them going through life thinking that 1 + 1 = 4. This, however, is not the point of today's post.


The point of today's post is that a lady at my job, who happens to be a minister, called herself preaching to me (you know, me being a sinner and all- and I admit to being one - no delusions of grandeur here) and she misquoted the scripture. This is how she sounded to me - " . . . cause you know, Blank, money is the root to all evil, and blah blah blah, jibberish, so on and so forth . . . "


Meanwhile the buzzer in my head went off. BUZZ! (nah, I'll ignore it) BUZZZ! (she's a minister and she's on her soapbox, I'll let her finish.) HELL NO, BUUZZZZ! MOTHER-FREAKER BUZZZZZZ!!!! "(clears throat) excuse me, minister lady, it's the LOVE of money that's the root of all evil. Not money itself."


"Oh, yes, of course" she says and continues spewing hell and damnation. But by that point, I was done with her. I just couldn't stop asking myself how a self proclaimed minister could tell somebody that money is evil? A minister has a responsibility to "the flock" NOT to f@#$ up the word of God. It's one thing to misquote a scripture and keep the same meaning, but to misquote a scripture changing the whole meaning and keep going because you didn't even notice, is just unacceptable. This is the reason why I advise EVERYONE to ask for scriptural proof. If someone is telling you something, I don't care what it is, ask for the scripture that backs it up. Period. Know your bible.


I'm far from perfect, but I catch stuff like that all the time. Like every Sunday morning, I catch the same priest from the local televised Mass misquoting the Lord's daily prayer. HOW YOU GONNA MISQUOTE THE LORD'S PRAYER???!!! LOL What a state religion is in.


That's it!