Saturday, October 22, 2011

Selling Out and other Randomness

It's not really official yet . . . but I gots a job. I will be working in sales at an insurance agency. Definitely not my first choice, but hey - work is work. At this point, I need to make as much money as I can and fortunately, this job has no commission cap. So I will hit the ground running and trying to get as many people as humanly possible, and with the amount of desperation hunger I have going on, I could see myself selling the sh** out of some insurance.

Granted, it won't be my proudest job. I was lamenting with the manfriend the other day about why I didn't go to school to become a doctor or something that added true value to the world like engineering or teaching, etc. But whatever, I can't do anything about it now. The economy is in the toilet, the price of education in this country is a f**ing nightmare and getting hired for the jobs that I am qualified for (Video Production) is practically impossible. This is truly one of those times in my life where I have to tap into some of my most unappealing survival instincts (greed, shameless-ness, numbness, aggressiveness and just plain not caring-ness) in order to accept the fact that I may just have to live my entire life without realizing ANY of my post-college dreams. Adapt or die, I guess.


On the brighter side, it will give me something to do all day. And that can't hurt. I guess the main reason I'm feeling a little shamelessly "sell out-ish" is because I can't take it anymore. I don't want to continue to sacrifice my comfort in hopes of landing and/or working my way up to a great job that I'm passionate about. Now my passion has shifted to just making money. It's shifted to I want a washer/dryer - in my home. I want a home. I want to be a grown up and go to the dentist. Sometimes I feel guilty about that because I feel like I'm letting go of my dreams and moving back to the state that I was born in and settling for mediocrity - but the sad part is that, there's a large part of me that just feels numb about the whole thing. My mom says I will perk up once I actually start working. I think she's right.

On the human front - I want to get into cooking a bit more again. I'm pleased to find out that the majority of my friends have been tapping into their domesticated sides as well, so expect some posts about joint cooking sessions. I have some amazing new recipes.

So what's been getting my attention lately, you ask? (I know you didn't ask, but I don't care). Well, I heard about some 14 yr. old girl giving some guy a blow job at school with a bunch of other guys around watching. First of all, come on generation X . . . let's get it together. This is no bueno! I've also heard that the poor gal is getting a lot of mess for it too and personally, I think people should just give her a break. Sometimes the stupidity of what you did is enough punishment. (And I think everybody who is past the age of 25 and has made some mistakes in their life knows exactly what I'm talking about.) There are things that I've said and done that NOBODY but me and God knows about, and to this day I feel ashamed and angry at myself. So you know this girl must be kicking herself. But then again . . . with this generation . . . who knows?

I'm still intrigued, inspired and supportive of Occupy (insert place here). This is finally the reaction I've been expecting to see from the American people when it comes to all of the crazy stuff that's been happening as of late (like the banks getting bailed out a couple years back, or the economy taking a nose dive, or the monkey business going on in Congress). I like the idea that folks are starting to realize that electing someone (whether black, white, man, woman) doesn't mean that your needs are automatically going to get met and if you want something done you have to actually start demanding it yourself. I absolutely hate politics for that very reason. It tricks people into thinking that voting is the answer to all of their problems. (Nothing annoys me more than the "Vote or Die" people) And since we are only looking for individuals who are good at winning elections, we're not realizing that beyond the election - there should be some kind of improvement on American life regardless of who the candidate is. It doesn't matter if I voted for Mickey Mouse or didn't vote at all . . . if I pay taxes, I have a right to expect/demand certain things, point blank - period. And it's good to see that people seem to be understanding that now. I may go downtown to check out the Occupy Philadelphia movement this week, who knows?

What else?

Oh! I twitters. I'm still getting the hang of it but the name is Arnetta Green so follow me and I will gladly reciprocate. :-)

Last but not least . . .

I'm trying to do a diet. I have the Lose-It application on my iPad and it allows me to count each and every calorie. And I'M STARVING! I made the mistake of checking out one of my favorite blogs omg . . . awesome! and now I want to eat whatever I can get my hands on. I've counted calories using this app before, and it was just as difficult the last time. But right now I'm the biggest I've ever been and I'm trying to lose this 15 lbs. so I can feel like myself again. Hopefully, it'll all be worth it but got-dang it's hard. I didn't know that I was eating so many calories every day. It's like I'll eat a slice of bread and some meat and before I know it I've hit my 1500 calorie budget. I guess the trick is to eat more veggies because the meats and cheeses are seriously kicking my booty. Ugghhhh! A pork chop commercial just came on. Time to go to bed ( . . . and cry.)

Goodnight folks!

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Occupy My Couch

All of this Occupy Wall Street business is really making me want to jump up off of this couch and get involved. Unfortunately, I can't afford that right now and have been continuing to get my job-hunt on. It hasn't stopped me from doing a silent fist-pump of defiance, however. I really admire what the OWS peeps are doing and hope that it will cause congress/large corporations to really change how they've been doing things if not out of respect for the American people, for the fear of them.

Good day, folks!

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

The Down-Side and the Up-Side

Well, it's been a while.

But to catch you up the interview never happened. I have never had so many things go wrong in one day. Long story short, it felt like the heavens opened up and the Universe took a sh** on my life. I don't really want to write down a lot of detail, but my boyfriend's car broke down on the way there and the rest went down in bad story history. Of course, no recruiter wants to hear a sob story about a broke down car or someone having to be late so my job prospect went up in smoke.

But out of the flames of this tragedy comes a phoenix of hope. Immediately after everything went down, my best friend invited me over to drown my tears in a glass of wine. I took a couple days to myself to rest and rethink my next move. After this, I started to realize that in order to survive, I'm going to have to lead my own destiny. I can't continue to beg someone to hire me. That's obviously not working. I have to create my own income. Maybe it's fear, maybe it's anger . . . but whatever the case is, I'm fed up. I have the education, the drive, the resources and it's time to stop basing my survival on someone else's perception of me. At the end of the day, my future can't rest on the shoulders of some middle-aged, white lady from human resources. I have to take my future into my own hands. And I'm ready to do that.