Just Saw The Help

So I just saw the movie The Help and being that the manfriend doesn't want to hear me go on and on about it, I figured I'd just give my thoughts on here. First things first, I think it was a good movie. Viola Davis and Octavia Spencer did a wonderful job portraying the hard working women that paved the way for Black people today with dignity and grace. As for Emma Stone, she can do no wrong in my book and everybody else did a marvelous job of making me hate them, so I guess that means the acting and storyline was pretty good. The best thing about this movie, in my opinion, is the reaction it gets. Anytime the film industry takes it upon themselves to remember that Black folk even exist and decide to make a movie about us, we start to get a little sensitive. If I could turn my theater seat around and watch the audience, I would. But to tell you the truth, everybody in the audience today absolutely loved it so there was not much to see.

Just yesterday, I was hanging out with my best friend and she was telling me that the movie was forced upon her. She said she didn't want to see it and as far as the book was concerned, she couldn't get past the first chapter. She said the Black people sounded like slaves and the White people were way too racist for her to spend her leisure time getting angry about. I'd read the book and enjoyed it. I thought it was well done and brought up a subject that was worthy of discussion. If anything, I was disappointed that a Black person didn't think to write this book and tell the real story of the women that lived during that time. But it's probably just one of those things that we've just always taken for granted. "My momma cleaned other people's houses just to put food on our table," so on and so forth. I don't know how many times I've heard that and to tell you the truth, my mom has actually raised white children (and some black, lol) as well as cleaned houses and did whatever she had to do to put food on our table so I can definitely relate but never thought to write a story like that.

Anywhoosers, I don't wonder what it would be like to live in that day. To be honest, the only thing I really wonder about is how good the food was (considering that everything was fresher). Shallow, I know . . . but everything else doesn't really, I don't know, get me angry in the way that maybe I'm supposed to be. I mean I get that it was bad. I understand that innocent Black people were hung, shot and murdered all kinds of ways. I know that. Hell, I have an uncle who was lynched back in the 50's. And while I get angry looking at how things were, there's a certain part of me that really shuts off. Maybe it's a coping mechanism but it's kind of hard for my mind not to go numb when I watch the retardedness that went on in those days. There was a point, I think the first time someone used the "N" word in the movie, the Black lady next to me gasped. I turned and rolled my eyes at her like, Really? You're shocked? Or the scene where the White guy commands the maid to make him a sandwich. And again, the lady next to me goes "Wow!" Her reaction kind of made me laugh a little. Sometimes I think that maybe I'm not mentally removed at all. Maybe it's the people who are still shocked that these kinds of atrocities have happened that are removed. I don't think that it was right that the past was so horrible, but I'm far from shocked. Especially with the ignorance that we see going on today.

Like, I feel like I'm always gasping and "wowing" about things that are happening now. Constantly looking around like, "So what are we going to do about this?" And most times people look at me like I was looking at the lady in the movie theater today. Really? You're shocked? Of course I'm shocked. I guess my mind equates ignorance and inequality with the past. It's when I see people being abused and discriminated against nowadays that I really get upset. Will there ever be a time in America's history when one group is NOT being disenfranchised? Or better yet, will there ever be a time when we don't have to actually fight against our own government for what should be "self evident" rights? (Health care, education, the right to work, a clean planet, decent food standards, etc.)

All right, I guess I need to take down my "fight the power" flags and get my butt to bed.

So I'll just end it on this note . . . I greatly appreciate the acknowledgment to the maids who were a significant part of American society in those days and absolutely love the dignified treatment with which their stories were told. Go and see The Help. T'was good!

Proud to Be An American - Well, Kind Of

So let me start this off by saying that I am the last person that anyone would describe as being patriotic. Sorry, but it's true. I'm that annoying person that when asked who I voted for, I'll say "Jesus" and what's more annoying is that I actually mean it. Now, don't get me wrong . . . there are a lot of wonderful perks to living in America, but I also think that there are a lot of wonderful perks to living in countries all over the world. Which leads me to today's subject.

Japan is a country that works hard. And this is because the Japanese work ethic is through the roof. They push their children to excel academically. They push for recycling and doing things the "green" way and pay high taxes for things like trash in an effort to curb waste (which is pretty darn effective - despite the lack of trash receptacles on the street.) The crime rate is very low, their sanitary standards are thorough, and I could just go on and on and on. Now with all of this said, would I be confident as to say that the Japanese people just have it all figured out? No. Would I say that they are model citizens for everyone? No. Would I say that I would want my children to grow up living the Japanese way of life? No. <---But that's just me.

My coworker on the other hand has had nothing but wonderful things to say about Japanese people, which I think is really cool and for the most part, I agree with her statements . . . BUT she can never say a kind word about them without putting down Americans. Like I said before, I'm not the most patriotic person and I know that Americans can be rude, loud, fat, lazy, stubborn, racist, wasteful, the list goes on and on and on but some of the stuff that she says is a little extra. Also some of the ish she brags about for them (I think) is less than praiseworthy and some of the things she downs about Americans (I think) are actually commendable.

For example, during an exercise today with one of my adult students, I asked them to name all of the stereotypes they can think of for Americans. (If you want to see the complete list, go to that other chick's website!) One of the things that my student mentioned was that American children go to bed early. Now I asked her, "What's early?" and she says, "9pm." She then looks at me with the question mark face so as to confirm or deny this stereotype. I told her, "Yes, we do put our children to bed around maybe 8:30 or 9pm - but to us that's not early at all. We think that's normal." I then asked her what was a normal time for children to go to bed here in Japan. She says, "Maybe 12am." Now personally, I don't think that's ideal (and it occurred to me that that's probably why a lot of my students are half sleep in my classes every day). Especially considering that these children have to wake up at like 6am or 6:30 to get ready for school that starts at around 7:00am or so. But I respect the fact that this is their culture, not mine. Not better . . . not worst . . . just different. So when I brought it up in casual conversation, my coworker went into her "God Bless Japan for being better than America" talk, that she normally does.

"They work sooo hard . . . Unlike our lazy American children who go home, eat and then go to bed because they don't have anything to do." Wait, what? Since when did a child getting less than 7 hours of sleep turn into something that's commendable. And why are American children lazy because they go to bed before The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson comes on?

Next, the topic of household chores came up. Now I've read (and heard from my students) that in Asian countries children are expected to focus on their academic responsibilities more so than any household responsibilities. Again, not good, not bad . . . just different. Generally, in American culture, it's expected that the children help out with household chores.

"Japanese children are so busy with their schoolwork, unlike lazy American children who have nothing to do except maybe eat or sit around the house and do chores."

This was when I asked her, "What kind of privileged childhood did you have that you just sat around the house all day?" First of all, I had to change the whole focus of her statement from the "American people" to just her. Second, maybe she didn't have a privileged childhood and maybe it was just her "American guilt" speaking, but I don't have "American guilt." I don't feel guilty for my "American" childhood (or adulthood for that matter.) I also don't feel sorry for the Japanese people who are obviously just living life the way that they feel is best for them. And yes, I'm an American but I'm not rude, loud, ignorant, racist and DEFINITELY not lazy. And, I wasn't going to sit and generalize or apologize for the American people as if we're all overly privileged, ignorant and lazy. I've always gotten good grades in school, did my homework and worked my butt off whenever I had a job.

YES, I got more than 6 hours of sleep every night and yes, I also enjoyed some of the perks of being an American and living in a superficial, leisure-driven culture, BUT I've also had to suffer right along with the 44 million who have to work their butts off in order to pay an exorbitant amount of money - out of pocket, mind you - for healthcare . Yes, I enjoyed junk-food when I was younger, but (contrary to common Japanese beliefs) I wasn't allowed to eat that ish everyday! So when she says all of those negative things in front of my Japanese coworkers, I try to make sure to clean that ish up real quick. This woman is speaking about HERSELF!!! At one point, I also added (and I deeply regret this) that I would never want to raise my kids in Japan. Now I didn't mean to go overboard with that statement - maybe I was caught up in the heat of my newfound patriotism and maybe I would like to raise my future kid(s) in Japan, who knows? - but I didn't want to mince words. The Japanese are great . . . but they don't have it all figured out. Why? Because nobody has it all figured out.

So there I was, attempting to defend the American people . . . or at least attempting to defend myself. It was a weird situation. But it has given me a broader perspective on how I view the world. I know that I had my little stereotypes about the Japanese people before I got here, but being here has destroyed those beliefs for me. On the other hand, I hope that my work ethic, intelligence and character serves to disprove the negative stereotypes against Americans for someone (even if that someone happens to be a fellow American.)

Facebook Peeves

So I have a bunch of things to do. I have some reading to get caught up on and some Japanese words to recite over and over again. Am I doing those things? As you can see, the answer to that question would be a big fat N-O. So how does one make the best of their procrastination? By going on Facebook, of course. Facebook and procrastination go together like peanut butter and jelly. So while on Facebook today, I've noticed a few things that kind of get on my nerves.

First of all . . . why do people request your friendship over and over again? What is really the point? And then when (or if) you finally accept their friendship they have nothing to say? Again, what is the point? Looking at my pictures is really worth getting denied over and over again? Just give up!

Also, and I will give the disclaimer that I am a Christian, but with that said I find it so annoying when people use Facebook like a pulpit. I am very happy with my religion and I understand that you want to share your "blessed-ness" with everyone but seriously, I don't want to hear your prayer to God. I think it sounds preachy, pretentious and insincere. Your prayers and personal relationship with God should be sacred, not a "status" on freaking Facebook.

Another Facebook thing that I find annoying are the "I'm so busy and important" updates. Now I may sound like a hater with this one, but I notice (in my particular case) that these kinds of updates only seem to come from my fraternity brothers (who I will not mention except to say Black and Gold). Now I have nothing against these brothers and I appreciate the contributions they make to society, but I swear that they are one group of men who absolutely love to brag tell you about themselves and how busy they are wearing a suit, working in an office and being important. Newsflash . . . people who are important in real life, don't brag about it on Facebook. I have already deleted 2 of these guys off of my page.

Last but not least are the "I am your cousin's pastor's best friend's god-daughter's next door neighbor's Uncle. Let's be friends." Umm . . . let's not. And then of course, they request your friendship again. *Sigh*

All right, that's all I got for now. What annoys you about Facebook (besides the fact that there should be a dislike button)?

The Post of Christmas Presents

I hope I don't lose some of yall with this. But this is that real -ish, ya mean?!? Just think of me as the Ghost of Christmas Realness!!!

I don't celebrate Christmas. I just don't. I haven't celebrated since I was like 2 years old. Maybe it's because I'm a grinch, maybe it's because my whole family never really celebrated it for religious reasons (which I don't discuss . . . see this post). I could celebrate Kwanzaa, but after all of these years of not celebrating anything around this season . . . it's more of a tradition for me to not celebrate. Despite my not celebrating this popular national holiday, the traditional aspect, the cheerful atmosphere and the celebratory food and drink are not lost on me. I find it lovely that people are reunited with old friends and family, giving to the needy (and the not so needy, lol), extending warm greetings and swapping war stories of overcrowded malls and restaurants. I love the smell of cinnamon and spices when I walk into stores and the lights and decorations are my favoritest part of the whole season. (That and egg nog!!! I absolutely loooove egg nogg! I drink gallons and gallons of it around this time. Probably why I experienced the horrible tragedy described in my last post.) I wish people were like this all year round (of course, excluding the complainers).

Either way, I always ALWAYS get the same pitiful/shocked/horrified question from people when they find out that I don't celebrate Christmas. I've been getting it from people since I was like 5 years old. Young and old have asked me, black and white, rich and poor. "YOU DON'T CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS?!?"

Me: No
Them: No gifts? You don't get any gifts?
Me: No, not for Christmas
Them: What are you going to DOOO?!?
Me: (and I swear, I say this every year) Go home, sit in a corner and cry.
Them: (Laughs) Oh Arnetta! You're so funny! (conversation continues with some kind of invitation to dinner or a sympathetic-or just plain pathetic-shoulder pat and slow head shake.)

Now, I don't mind being asked this question because it's quite confusing to people and rightfully so. This is a national tradition. Something that damn near EVERYBODY in America partakes in. I mean, think about it . . . it's called Christ - mas and even athiests are celebrating it. Even so, little Ms. Green does not and this leads people to believe that I have never received a gift in my whole, entire life.

I assure you! I get gifts and I give them too. I used to try to explain to people that I get gifts, go to dinner with close friends and family, and enjoy little traditions throughout the year (Of course, nobody has ever believed me. I can see it in their faces that they think this is my sad attempt to appear normal, lol). But what are ya gonna do? Can't convince'em all.

And that's the sad part and it's actually the inspiration behind this whole post . . . (drumroll please) . . . Christmas isn't only about gifts. It's also not the only time to give and be friendly to people. I have wrapped a dozen different presents this year, signed my name to a bunch of different cards, given thousands of dollars to needy relatives, donated items to the Salvation Army, given money to beggars and crackheads, given toys to children, picked up items that have reminded me of someone and painstakingly painted portraits for people that I love. I do all of these things and the kicker is that I don't celebrate Christmas. I do it because I love and care about these people all year round. (I know I sound really self-righteous . . . but all jokes aside. It's true.)

All of the people who think that I don't ever receive gifts are the people that have never thought to give me one. And another kicker . . . these are also people that I have given gifts to. So the next time someone tells you that they don't celebrate Christmas, rather than asking them about gifts . . . please think of this post instead. And think about all of the times that you have received a gift or given someone something out of the bottom of your heart, rather than because your calendar says it's time to do it. That . . . my friends . . . is the true meaning of Christmas!

I bid you adieu! Be safe and enjoy your holiday!!! :-)

Was it worth it Tiger? Well . . . was it!?!

I don't judge the guy. (Well, I can't - because God knows I've made my mistakes) I've always respected the way that he's dealt with the politics of fame. He never spoke publicly about his political, racial or social views. He only allowed people to judge him on the basis of his talent as an athlete, which was absolutely fricking UNDENIABLE. I loved this about him. It pissed a lot of people off, but I thought it was genius. He had being discreet and unbiased down to a science. A science that a whole lot of other celebs could stand to study at times. And then he does this.

Are you kidding Tiger? For real? You gosta be kidding me! I still appreciate the guy's athleticism but I'm disappointed. (Don't mean to alienate any of my readers) But as a Black athlete (even though he calls himself . . . what? . . . Cablasian, I think it is? LOL You're Black Tiger) as a BLACK athlete in a particularly White sport, Tiger's had a whole lot of things to overcome and he's been able to keep his shit so tight up to this point that nobody and I mean nobody could touch him. Now . . . (sigh) now he's got people like Shaq defending him. Shaq?! And every news station and newspaper and tabloid is covering this story like it's the first time a man's ever stuck his penis inside a woman's vagina.

Tiger, Tiger, Tiger. I don't know what to tell you dude. You fell for the oldest trick in the book man. How could you be so careless? Didn't you ever hear the saying, "Two can keep a secret if one of them is dead." As a famous person you can never . . . NEVER . . . never, ever, ever have sex with someone and think it's not going to get out. (Sigh! -Slaps him upside the head-) Dumbass!

Arnetta Green

Dear President Obama,

They just got Tiger. You're the only upstanding Black male public figure we got left. DO NOT ruin your squeaky clean image with a mistress. It is the oldest trick in the book. God-speed!

Arnetta Green

Here's a list of other people who broke my heart by cheating on their wives:

Bill Clinton (of course)

Jesse Jackson

Martin Luther King

John Edwards

Bill Cosby

Kobe Bryant

Shaquille O'Neal

I Need a Ladder for this Soap Box

Yeah, I'll be climbing quite high today. Lol, lemme just get straight to the point with this one.

Driving for Dummies

Making turns
1. When you are stopped at a traffic light and see a glowing green arrow pointing in the direction that you plan on turning, it means that you (yes you!) are being given the signal to go. You are allowed to turn, but you must do it quickly because this light will only last for about 10 seconds.

2. If you are at an intersection waiting to make a left turn, don't be afraid to creep up so that you are midway through the intersection. This allows for a better gauge of how clear the roadway is. Also, if you have a window of opportunity, you are in a better position to take advantage of it. And if the light turns red, even better. Go ahead and turn. (Note: This also makes the cars behind you very happy because it allows them the opportunity to turn as well.)

3. A blinker is not an option. If you are wondering why the car behind you is so close, it may be because you suddenly made a turn and slowed down to 5 mph in order to do so. Without signaling, the driver behind you does not know that you are planning to turn. Also, if you would like to get into another lane, using your blinker will let the other drivers know what you are attempting to do and they will accomodate you (rather than honk and scream at you.)

4. You cannot make a U or K-turn on a major road in the middle of traffic. It doesn't matter how young, or invincible you are. It doesn't matter what your car looks like or whether your music is blasting very loud. Being cool will not protect you from dying. Take a side road or dip into a parking lot.

Speed
1. On the highway, the left lane is for fast people. If you are driving say . . . 45, 50 mph (that means "miles per hour") this lane is probably not for you. You are not driving fast enough to be in the left lane and should stay to the right unless you are passing someone who is driving slower than you.

2. Passing is not personal. The person who is passing you is not passing you because they don't like you. They are passing you because they are going at a different speed. Do not try to speed up, block them, or race them. This is dangerous and unecessary. Just remain at the speed you are comfortable with because if you succeed in stopping them from getting in front of you, you will end up at your natural speed again anyway and they will try to pass you again. It is a vicious cycle. And it stops with you.

3. If you have to drive unecessarily fast to turn onto a road and get in front of the other cars, maybe you should wait. You don't want to jump in front of a band of faster moving cars and risk being rear ended because you couldn't wait 5 seconds for the road to be clear. Especially if your normal speed is 5 miles per hour, so you decide to jump in front of everyone at a speed of 75mph and then slam on your brakes because you got scared. Save yourself and everyone else the drama. Just wait.

4. If you are on a major highway and slamming on the brakes every 2 seconds, you are #1 - driving too close to the car in front of you or #2 - driving too fast for your own comfort. For scenario number 1 back off of the car in front of you. If you give him some space, you won't have to worry about braking every time he slows down or changes speeds. Odds are you're stuck in traffic (otherwise maybe you'd pass him, rather than riding his tail). If that is the case, chill out. A 10 car pileup is not going to get you there any faster, I promise you. Now if scenario number 2 is the case and you are driving too fast for your own comfort and feel the urge to brake all the time . . . don't. Just take your foot off of the brake and coast a little. The only time you should brake on a major highway is if the cars in front of you are stopped or are significantly slowing down. Braking for no reason on a highway is dangerous and confusing to other drivers. Use it to stop or stay with the flow of traffic, not to regulate your own speed because you think that you are going too fast (you speed demon you).

Miscellaneous
1. SUV's do not always have the right of way.

2. Those lines on the ground separate the road into lanes. Those lanes are for you to drive within. Do not drive on the line. That is a bad thing to do. :-(

3. Do not switch lanes in the middle of a turn. This is also a bad thing to do. Switch lanes before or after you turn, but not during.

Walking for Dummies (oh yes, pedestrians could use a refresher course too!)
1. Look both ways before you cross the street. Yes, it may seem, I don't know . . . old-fashioned, but it's still effective.

2. Do not walk down the street. You ever heard someone say they were "walking down the street"? Well, this is just a figure of speech. They were probably just walking down the sidewalk, and you should too.

3. Do not try to race a car to make it across the street or challenge the driver by walking at a snail's pace while saying "I wish they would hit me." My cousin got hit doing this and I don't think she wishes that anymore.

4. Do not cross against the light unless traffic is really clear or so packed it's not moving for a while. If you cross against the light while cars are coming, you might catch a vehicle off guard and they will not be able to slow down in order to accomodate your retarded . . . I mean, your thoughtless actions.

Ummm . . . that's all I got for now. Drive (and walk) safely this holiday season!

Luv,
Arnetta

Arnetta Green is a driving expert and has been chauffering friends and family members around for over 10 years. She just recently got her BM (Bitching and Moaning) Degree for road rage at the school of "The Light's Not Getting Any Greener Folks!" University.

Let's Do Lunch

I used to be the kind of girl that heard the phrase, we should get lunch some time and actually believed that the person who uttered this meaningless, hyperbolic rhetoric would like to sit down in an environment that serves a pre-dinner meal and indulge in socialization with me. If exchanging phone numbers and/or business cards, I was always the one to call. When someone said, "Let's hang out some time," I thought to myself "I'll call them the next time I go (insert event here)." And how did people respond to my brand of social eagerness? With horror and confusion. LOL It always amazed me.

It's been a while since I've been in one of those awkward situations (Thank God) but I laugh sometimes when I think about how many times I have called up random people who'd told me that we should "do lunch" and attempted to take them up on their offer. It would always go like this . . .

Ring, ring, ring! (that's the phone yall)

Ring, ring, ring! Click!

Them: (confused) Uh, hello?

Me: (excited) Yeah, hey ~blank~ it's me, Arnetta!

Them: (awkward and still a little confused) Oh . . . heeeeey.

Me: About that lunch invitation. How's Sunday? I know a great brunch spot!

Them: Oh, uh, I . . . hmmm

End Scene!

Nowadays I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum. I laugh at fake jokes, make "small talk" about the weather and throw in a "taking it one day at a time" and agree that "we should really get together some time" . . . "it would be absolutely wonderful if we all just got together" and then walk away knowing I have no intentions of ever seeing that person again. Sometimes, I kind of miss my social innocence. Back before I was a cynic and a phony.

Who made up these rules?

In the News . . .

Okay, was just watching the video of this family making complete arses out of themselves on national television and had to drop my 2 cents in there.

Right when little Falcon spills the beans @35 seconds . . . THAT IS SOOO ME WHEN I WAS HIS AGE!!! LOL I couldn't lie to save my life. I was that kid that you would have to practice with over and over again. "Now if such-and-such calls, Mommy went to the grocery store. Did you get that Arnetta? The grocery store. So if anybody asks . . . where did Mommy go?" And there I was with my fingers in my mouth nodding my head and bouncing around the room . . .

"Arnetta? Arnetta? Listen to me. What do you say if such-and-such calls?"

Me, blank stare.

Mom, deep sigh. "Huh? What are you going to say Netty?"

"Ummm . . . (long pause, sneaky smile) youuu said you weeere (pause and then proudly finish up) at the grocery store!" I was adorable!

Bottom line, #1 - don't lie and #2 - don't get your kids to lie for you. They will blow your cover and then ask you what it was that you wanted them to lie about in the first place in front of the people you want them to lie to. They will think it's a game and make you look like a jackass. Lol. Oh and somebody must have been under a lot of pressure, because a poot escaped right along with the truth. Probably why the bible says "the truth will set you free." Did you see the mom and dad nodding their heads profusely, trying to coax him along. Aaaah hahaha!!!

I didn't really follow this story too much to begin with but when I heard that the family was on Wife-Swap, the whole thing really lost credibility for me. The dad looks like an attention whore and he also looks a little "off" so I hope he's not abusing his family behind closed doors. Which I could totally see being the case since that little boy was throwing up on another interview. To sum it all up, they looked like a train-wreck and a reality show starring them would probably be mad dysfunctional.

But seriously, though, this little publicity stunt is so American to me. We have got to stop being so shallow and insincere and attention-whorish as a culture. Probably why our word (and money) mean absolutely nothing to other countries. Also probably why we don't have any real skills as Americans either. Nothing to export, nothing to offer the world except entertainment. People need to teach their kids to make a living by studying science or math and inventing something that other people actually need, rather than trying to get a Jon and Kate Plus 8 television deal. Boy I tell ya!

Well that's all the soap-box preachery I got for now.

In other news I think I may start looking for another header. Go on and have a nice day now!

Make Something Up and Circulate It In a Memo

Soap Box Rant #129

Passionate hatreds can give meaning and purpose to an empty life. These people haunted by the purposelessness of their lives try to find a new content not only by dedicating themselves to a holy cause but also by nursing a fanatical grievance. A mass movement offers them unlimited opportunies for battle.

-Eric Hoffer

I used to think that those who claimed others took delight in their failure was a selfish and narcissistic assumption.  The concept of someone "hating" just for the sake of hate itself was funny and catchy, but not realistic to me.  I got bored with the endless array of songs about haters, and "you can hate me now," and "you hate my success don't you."  It sounds like the excuse for every "bad experience" a sociopathic person has in life.  They all want to be meeeee!!!  Yeah, okay, I'd think to myself.  Get a grip already.

My thinking stemmed from my nerdy schoolyard days.  You know, when you got harassed by the cool guys and teased by the pretty girls.  When you'd get home from school, glasses broken, pants on backwards (don't ask) and your mom would say something like, You know they're only teasing because they're jealous of you? or Some people are just hateful that way.  They can't sleep at night unless they know they caused someone trouble.  Cheah, okay Mom, I thought to myself Nobody in their right mind would be jealous of me or Ain't nobody thinking bout me.  But you know what?  Fast forward a few years, moms was really onto something!

The year is 2009 A.D. and I am fabulous.  

I have grown accustomed to my fabulousness.  I have had the privilege of living in this beautiful shell of a body everyday for almost a decade and have gotten used to the attention it receives.  And when I open my mouth and common sense, wit, and intelligence pours out it is hard for those around me not to feel threatened.  It's like a sonic blast going off.  Little do they know that intelligence and character was something I was forced to work hard at, due to my years of nerd-domness and making friends the old fashioned way.  Now that I am fabulous, however, I am finding myself in the same position as before.  

BOTH women AND men want to see me fail.  They crave it.  And I'm not even the first Black President.  How 'bout them apples?  It's crazy.  People will drop statements and attempt to trap me in a corner.  Coming up to me with some ole' "riddle me this batman" type shit, or asking me questions about my personal life as if I'm really going to spill my heart out.  It amuses me and saddens me at the same time.

I work two days a week-sometimes more-(and oddly, I make enough money during those 2 days to support myself, my dog and my expenses comfortably).  But one law in my life is not to tell "work" people about my "personal" life.  (I do freelance work outside of this part time job.)  So I guess this prompts a lot of curiosity and criticism from my coworkers as to how I get by financially.  For example, I get the question "what have you been doing lately?" or "have you found any work outside of this?" often asked with the pouty face, like I've already failed.  Although they look like they care, I can feel that they really want me to say, Oooh, I'm doing terrible!  Just terrible.  Yesterday I ate catfood and today I went dumpster diving!  Do you have any spare change?

I know that they want me to say this because there was a guy at my job who didn't know how to handle his finances.  He wasn't working the side hustle like me so when they asked him "how he was doing" with a pat on the back and the pouty face, this guy says "Oooh, terrible! Just terrible . . ." (He's since been let go) and THEY LOVE THIS GUY.  They ate him alive.  They still talk about how pathetic his life is.  How he had problems.  How he's crazy.  How if they were him they'd do this or do that.  How he's such a loser, so on and so forth.  If he were food, they would throw him back up so they could eat him again.

Bottom line, people loooove to see or hear about someone doing bad.  They absolutely eat that shit up.

Somebody I don't even talk to came up to me at work the other day and asked me, "Sooo, you and your boyfriend still together?"  Wait, what?  Excuse me.  Wooow!  LOL  It's like that now?  Damn!  I wanted to give him the 3 F's.  (F-you, F-off, and go F yourself) but I decided that would sound incriminating, so I said, "Everything's fine, thank you."  (Actually, we were no longer together, but before my coworkers found out about him, I was labeled as "a man hater").

So on top of the thinly veiled, nosey ass, foul questions I get the brain teasers.  After making the mistake of exclaiming how excited I was about the new Disney Princess movie featuring a Black character I noticed the girl at work asking me strange questions in a sad attempt to expose me as a Black militant.  This heffer asks me which was worst, slavery or the holocaust?  Both were bad, I said.  Later she asked, Do you think this is the perfect time for Black people to rise up and take over?  

What the . . . ?  I had to turn and look at her.  I told her, No, this is the time for poor people to rise up and take over.

And of course, she asked me if I was getting enough hours at work.  I swear!  You can't win wit folk.

And it's always the nerdy people too, which is a disappointment for me.  When I was a nerd, I was so busy trying to get mine that I didn't have time to worry about anyone else.  I always had my head in a book or was hustling a job or two. (Kind of like now).  If anything, when I saw someone that looked like they were doing the darn thing, (like yours truly) I admired and congratulated that.  Rather than questioned and criticized.  I guess boredom is a biotch these days.

So for everyone that wants to see me fail, listen close.  YOU WILL NEVER GET THAT SATISFACTION.  I don't care how much mind chess you attempt to play with me, you will not break me so help me God.  I am not going to say something silly or come to work and spill my business.  Whatever you want to know about me, you can make up and circulate in an office memo.

'Cause Moms ain't raise no fool!