I Need a Ladder for this Soap Box

Yeah, I'll be climbing quite high today. Lol, lemme just get straight to the point with this one.

Driving for Dummies

Making turns
1. When you are stopped at a traffic light and see a glowing green arrow pointing in the direction that you plan on turning, it means that you (yes you!) are being given the signal to go. You are allowed to turn, but you must do it quickly because this light will only last for about 10 seconds.

2. If you are at an intersection waiting to make a left turn, don't be afraid to creep up so that you are midway through the intersection. This allows for a better gauge of how clear the roadway is. Also, if you have a window of opportunity, you are in a better position to take advantage of it. And if the light turns red, even better. Go ahead and turn. (Note: This also makes the cars behind you very happy because it allows them the opportunity to turn as well.)

3. A blinker is not an option. If you are wondering why the car behind you is so close, it may be because you suddenly made a turn and slowed down to 5 mph in order to do so. Without signaling, the driver behind you does not know that you are planning to turn. Also, if you would like to get into another lane, using your blinker will let the other drivers know what you are attempting to do and they will accomodate you (rather than honk and scream at you.)

4. You cannot make a U or K-turn on a major road in the middle of traffic. It doesn't matter how young, or invincible you are. It doesn't matter what your car looks like or whether your music is blasting very loud. Being cool will not protect you from dying. Take a side road or dip into a parking lot.

Speed
1. On the highway, the left lane is for fast people. If you are driving say . . . 45, 50 mph (that means "miles per hour") this lane is probably not for you. You are not driving fast enough to be in the left lane and should stay to the right unless you are passing someone who is driving slower than you.

2. Passing is not personal. The person who is passing you is not passing you because they don't like you. They are passing you because they are going at a different speed. Do not try to speed up, block them, or race them. This is dangerous and unecessary. Just remain at the speed you are comfortable with because if you succeed in stopping them from getting in front of you, you will end up at your natural speed again anyway and they will try to pass you again. It is a vicious cycle. And it stops with you.

3. If you have to drive unecessarily fast to turn onto a road and get in front of the other cars, maybe you should wait. You don't want to jump in front of a band of faster moving cars and risk being rear ended because you couldn't wait 5 seconds for the road to be clear. Especially if your normal speed is 5 miles per hour, so you decide to jump in front of everyone at a speed of 75mph and then slam on your brakes because you got scared. Save yourself and everyone else the drama. Just wait.

4. If you are on a major highway and slamming on the brakes every 2 seconds, you are #1 - driving too close to the car in front of you or #2 - driving too fast for your own comfort. For scenario number 1 back off of the car in front of you. If you give him some space, you won't have to worry about braking every time he slows down or changes speeds. Odds are you're stuck in traffic (otherwise maybe you'd pass him, rather than riding his tail). If that is the case, chill out. A 10 car pileup is not going to get you there any faster, I promise you. Now if scenario number 2 is the case and you are driving too fast for your own comfort and feel the urge to brake all the time . . . don't. Just take your foot off of the brake and coast a little. The only time you should brake on a major highway is if the cars in front of you are stopped or are significantly slowing down. Braking for no reason on a highway is dangerous and confusing to other drivers. Use it to stop or stay with the flow of traffic, not to regulate your own speed because you think that you are going too fast (you speed demon you).

Miscellaneous
1. SUV's do not always have the right of way.

2. Those lines on the ground separate the road into lanes. Those lanes are for you to drive within. Do not drive on the line. That is a bad thing to do. :-(

3. Do not switch lanes in the middle of a turn. This is also a bad thing to do. Switch lanes before or after you turn, but not during.

Walking for Dummies (oh yes, pedestrians could use a refresher course too!)
1. Look both ways before you cross the street. Yes, it may seem, I don't know . . . old-fashioned, but it's still effective.

2. Do not walk down the street. You ever heard someone say they were "walking down the street"? Well, this is just a figure of speech. They were probably just walking down the sidewalk, and you should too.

3. Do not try to race a car to make it across the street or challenge the driver by walking at a snail's pace while saying "I wish they would hit me." My cousin got hit doing this and I don't think she wishes that anymore.

4. Do not cross against the light unless traffic is really clear or so packed it's not moving for a while. If you cross against the light while cars are coming, you might catch a vehicle off guard and they will not be able to slow down in order to accomodate your retarded . . . I mean, your thoughtless actions.

Ummm . . . that's all I got for now. Drive (and walk) safely this holiday season!

Luv,
Arnetta

Arnetta Green is a driving expert and has been chauffering friends and family members around for over 10 years. She just recently got her BM (Bitching and Moaning) Degree for road rage at the school of "The Light's Not Getting Any Greener Folks!" University.