So I went to dinner with 2 of my sorority sisters today and while it was all in the spirit of giving me a send off, we talked about the usual subjects. (Their) married life, (their) children, our other sorority sisters and the old college days. One subject that came up that was kind of new (for us that is) was the subject of sex. We're usually a very conservative group but after a few drinks (and a ginger-ale for "preggars") we talked about everything from how often we've done it, having orgasms, giving oral, foreplay, sexually transmitted diseases, different positions, EVERYTHING.
Now both of my girlfriends are married - one has a child and the other is pregnant (and due in 12 days). "Preggars" was saying that she doesn't really have a sex drive and the other one was agreeing that she's not too excited about sex either. Now I didn't want to sound like the whore of the group but speaking as someone who has not had sex in a very, very, very long time, (after sitting for a while and looking at the both of them like they were crazy) I promptly told them that when I get married I plan on having a velcro, rip away wedding gown because it's GOING DOOOWN the night I get hitched. I told them that in all (2) of my relationships, I had sex prettymuch every. single. night. My girlfriends were both thoroughly shocked and laughed saying that they never really initiate sex and don't really care if it happens or not.
Now just listening to these ladies, I had to ask myself if marriage played some kind of major role in their sex drive or lack thereof. For example, a lot of men will say that the sex just stops after getting married. I've known these girls for about 9 years now and while they both say that they've never been "sex people", I remember one of them going through a very whorish liberal stage and the other one was just a major flirt in school. I would have never guessed that they would have gotten married and turned into "that lady" from TV . . . you know the one with the headache every night. I think that's insane. (Oh, and I promptly told them to "get on their jobs" and do what they had to do unless they wouldn't mind hiring a concubine to do it for them).
But then I had to ask myself if I was just being extra because I was single (in the not married sense) and have been celibate for a while. Maybe I don't realize how hard it is to be a wife and realize how the romance starts to ooze out of a relationship and sex turns into a chore. I can understand that to an extent, but I'm still a strong proponent of having a healthy sex life in a marriage. Either way, I hope to hold onto my sex drive by the time I get married. Listening to these girls today was like listening to a scary, ghost story LOL.
Listen sex is NEVER a "chore" if it is being done right! When does orgasming ever get old??!! I believe that some women aren't "sex people" because they don't know how to have an orgasm. For this I suggest going into a room by yourself with some candles and a multitude of vibrating things because if you don't know how to get you off how do you expect anyone else to know?! Then teach your man in a loving way how to please you (they don't have any issue telling us how to please them!). Unless you want to be THAT girl who never had an orgasm.
ReplyDeleteWe also need to take care of ourselves physically so that our man can see beyond the whole mothering wife spiel, and appreciate the sensual side of us! Don't let the spark die!!!
BTW, You were right to tell them to get a concubine! LMAO! Because we all know if he ain't getting it at home then he's getting it from somewhere else!!!
YIKES!!! I remember seeing an Oprah episode (yes, Oprah!) about sex-less marriages, and the women would say, "If I never had sex again, that would be fine with me" (a woman I was involved with actually told me this!) and "I just lay there and let him do his business". That is the most tragic thing I've ever heard!
ReplyDeleteI don't like liver. I had it once and hated it, so I'm not a "liver person".
How can someone have sex (which is nothing close to the comparative equivalent of liver!) and then refer to themselves as not being a "sex person"? My mind cannot wrap itself around this concept. The thought just makes my head hurt!
@Islandbaby - You hit the nail right on the head with your comment. I was thinking the exact same thing. If you enjoy sex, it's because you've experienced the pay off. I forgot to mention that one of the girls (preggars) said, "I THINK I've had an orgasm before." Me and the other girl said in unison, "You didn't." I told her to go home, "learn herself" and above all things stop faking orgasms. Faking an orgasm is like giving your man a pat on the back for "doing it wrong." And yes, if sex is a chore . . . hire a maid. Bottom line.
ReplyDelete@Bighead - Yes tragic is the perfect word!!! My mind can't wrap itself around the concept either. My thoughts are, why do that to a man? Why find someone who is probably happy getting sex (possibly from you) on the regular and confine them to a priesthood? That's like adopting a child and never allowing him to play with his own toys. This is still not an excuse to cheat on one's spouse, but at the end of the day it makes me wonder why people (mainly women) don't see the connection sometimes.
WOW @ your friends! A lot of my friends are married...hell my bf has been married for 11 years! But they have very active sex lives. MY bf has a 4 and 8 year old and she manages to get it in at least 2 days/week sometimes more. Sometimes life takes over...soccer practice, gymnastics,swimming etc but it doesn't last for more than a week. My friends have date nights with their spouses to keep the flame going!
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine not wanting to get it in with my husband!
Oh my...am I going to have to bring my toy chest over and do a presentation for them? Hahaha! :)
ReplyDeleteMarriage definitely does not have to equal the lack of sex. I personally believe that there's a choice associated with that, as well as a lack of information/education.
I think you've got a healthier point of view about sex and intimacy - which mainly starts with ourselves. Perhaps you've taught your friends a thing or two just by being honest with them :)