Random Thoughts - Why I Would Never Want to be a Celebrity

So, I work in the entertainment biznazz. The reason I wanted to work in TV/Film was because as a youngster, I wanted to entertain and be the center of attention. My desire to be in the limelight has since waned, and I am more attracted to the idea of pulling the strings from behind the curtain, "Wizard of Oz" style. Although, I don't see celebrities on a regular basis, I have seen my share. And while at times I desire the money, clothes and expensive lifestyle, when I look at these people, whether in person or in pictures, I always have a little bit of pity for them (very little pity - mind you - there are plenty of people with problems way worse than being overly rich and popular). Either way, these are all of the reasons that I appreciate and would take my life (low-income and all) over a celebrity life any day . . .

1. First and foremost, PRIVACY!!! I am one of the most discreet people you will ever meet. I absolutely hate (with a passion) having people up in my koolaid (and don't even know the flavor - I just taught my boss that saying and he LOVES it. Bless his heart! :-). Nothing irks me more than knowing that I cannot defend myself against every vicious rumor that churns it's way through the rumor mill. As your average gorgeous and vivacious person I have to deal with rumors and haters and nosey people enough as it is, but at least when I get on the train every day I'm a nobody. At least I can go out to the store and wear some sweat pants and sneakers or fly out to some island or other and know that nobody gives a crap. I don't have to worry about the whole world finding out about my grocery list or getting secretly taped while I'm doing "the do" (which could be anything from having sex to taking a dump). I will never EVER be jealous of this . . .

(Referring to picture: That is NOT how you're supposed to enjoy Rio!) I love my privacy and I wouldn't trade it for all of the fame in Hollywood.

2. Being folksy and relatable. The idea of working a nine to five job makes me cringe, but it also gives me a rite of passage as an American that allows me to relate to 95% of our culture (who are employed). I can even relate to the unemployed having spent about 30% of my adult life looking for work. I take the train to and from work, I go to the Starbucks (when I can afford it) and buy my little Passion tea, oatmeal and croissant. I complain about taxes. I have goofy (ghetto) relatives. I complain about my belly weight or desire to have these $1200 shoes.

Call me crazy, but sometimes I actually enjoy my little sufferings. My life is not perfect, but I couldn't imagine losing some of the things that make me unique or even some of the things that make me just like everybody else. It's wonderful.

3. Selling Sex. (I'm mainly talking about gratuitous sex) One thing's for sure . . . every sexual act I've done in life, I've done because I really really REEEALLY wanted to and I've done it for free. I didn't have to worry about my mom seeing that 'ish and I also didn't have to worry about the world knowing how much I got paid to do it, either. I think it's a whole different ballgame when someone actually pays you to crawl around in hot oil for a music video, say all kinds of freaky things in your songs, get naked for a magazine or have sex with Billy Bob Thornton for nearly 10 straight minutes. You ever hear a celebrity (singer, actress, etc.) after getting naked for the fifty-leventh time say something like "I'm showing another side of myself" or "I want women to be sexually liberated" and think to yourself, "Yeah, whatever bish." That wouldn't work for me, because it would mess with my obsession with being discreet and it would also bother me to know that in order to sell records/movies/products I gave the world the ONLY THING they haven't had access to and that's "my goodies." Also, there are just some people that I would NOT want fantasizing about me.

*shivers* But I swear I feel like I've seen some celebrities naked more than I've seen myself naked. It gets old. And who wants to be put in the "Been there and seen that naked a million and one times and ooh, look at that new girl that just got naked let's all go oggle her because such-and-such is old news now" category. Not me.

4. The Guilt of the Overly Privileged. Now there's your regular "I'm sorry that I didn't finish my dinner because there's children starving in -insert country here- guilt" and then there's celebrity guilt. You know the "I'm sorry that I'm so stinking rich that I have to find creative ways to waste my money" kind of guilt. They try to make up for it with phrases like "I'm just like everybody else" but who's really buying that ish? Yes, a celebrity may be friendly. They may put their pants on one leg at a time. They may even decide to donate to charities, but when you have that much money, you will always look like this to people . . .

Also they can never erase the fact that they have "people" waiting on them hand and foot every single day, giving them money and free stuff just to show up. Which is kind of an effed up luxury to have when you think about it because so many "regular" people work their butts off, doing important jobs (teachers, city workers, pilots . . . yes, pilots) and struggle to make a living wage. Being that stinking rich is a luxury that carries a lot of guilt with it. A guilt that I will never know. :-)

5. Political Correctness. With the exception of shock jocks, part of being a celebrity (and I mean, a real celebrity) is having to be politically correct all the time. And when you're not, you have to apologize quickly or you'll risk losing sponsors. That's just not my thing.

6. Being Around Douchebags Like I said, I don't see or work with celebrities every day. But during the times that I have worked with them, I couldn't count how many douchebags (and I mean REAL douchebags) I have had to come across. People with bad tempers and bad attitudes who would "go off" because of the most trivial things. Crazy people who somehow get invited/sneak into events and follow everyone around trying to take pictures, making conversation and asking stupid-a$$ questions. People who think they know everything, smack on gum, wear torn jeans and call everyone "Babe" or "Dog."

And the kicker is that most times these are the people with money and influence whether they know someone or whether they are that someone. These are the people that are hanging out in the dressing room, behind the stage, at the cocktail party before the event. They always have some glaringly obvious social defect that makes you wonder how it's possible for anyone to be around them for more than 2 seconds. But for the sake of money, everybody acts like everything is normal. When I am working any event, I always have to do some serious meditating and praying because I never know what kind of insane person I'm going to have to encounter. I am magnet enough for the crazies. The way I see it, at least as a regular person I can limit the amount of time I have to spend with lunatics.

I think that about completes my list for now. Call me crazy, but this is something that runs through my head from time to time, especially when I am reading some of my favorite celebrity gossip blogs.

Toodles!