Day 1 and I Want Some Baked Macaroni and Cheese

So this is Day 1 of my Master Cleanse diet. Me and the man-friend (who is also joining me on this endeavour) made the special lemonade last night. It's actually not too bad. It tastes like lemonade (imagine that!). I didn't expect the maple syrup to add that "sugar" tasting flavor to the concoction the way it did. In other words, I expected it to taste like maple-syrupy-lemon water. But no, it tastes like lemonade with a little cayenne pepper in it. Not bad at all. (For now, lol)

Since it's early in the morning, my body's still working on the pizza from last night. The hunger hasn't gotten violent just yet, but I'm sure within a couple of hours, my stomach is going to be doing all kinds of talking. And I'll just muzzle it with this tasty little drink and later tonight some laxative tea. Needless to say, it's going to be an interesting evening. :-/ Either way, the morning weigh-in was 146 lbs. So that's my update!

My Most Superficial Post Ever

I'll just get straight to the point here . . .

I stepped on the scale yesterday and saw the numbers 1, 4, and 7 (in that order). "Time to take the dog for a walk," I cheerfully said to myself in an attempt to have a more positive outlook on life. You know, get the metabolism popping and the weight dropping (you see what I did there?) Anyway I took Scruffy around the block, got back to the crib and against better judgement, hopped back on the scale. Thinking to myself (like an idiot) . . . hey, I jogged a little near the end of my walk. Maybe I was just a few calories away from dropping a pound. When I looked down, I literally screamed. I'd gained a pound. After getting up early in the morning, walk-jogging and panting in the bitter cold, I weighed more than when I started. So I did what any depressed person would do and made a huge breakfast. After cheese covered scrambled eggs, cream of wheat and pancakes drenched in Aunt Jemima butter syrup, I stepped back on the scale and officially weighed in at 150 lbs. Ah, much better.

POINT TO ALL OF THIS . . .

I want to lose weight and I want to do it now. I want firm abs and thighs that don't rub together. I also don't want to look like I'm 4 months pregnant anymore. I don't want my jeans to have those stretch wrinkles anymore. I want to lose 15 lbs. The ideal weight for my height and body shape has always been 135 lbs. (I'm 5'8) So that's the goal.

PLAN

I'm going to do the Master Cleanse diet (aka the "Beyonce diet"). Over the next few days (starting with tomorrow, hopefully) I will be drinking nothing but a special lemonade concoction and herbal laxative tea. The lemonade will consist of lemons, cayenne pepper and organic maple syrup (sounds gross, but if it does the trick . . .)

I guess the reason that I am going to such extremes is because I need to see results. Call me impatient, call me childish, but nothing would motivate me more than to know that all I have to do is maintain what I've already attained (see what I did there?). The plan, as soon as the diet is over, will be to eat healthy and exercise as much as possible. That will probably be the hard part. Either way, I will be posting every day until I reach my goal weight.

So, yeah. Tomorrow is day 1.

I'm off to get a cheeseburger! :-)

You Live, You Learn

You ever think back to the person that you used to be in relationships? I did that the other day. I was sitting with the significant other, drinking margaritas at our favorite bar. (The food is meh, but the margaritas are off the hook.) While sitting with him and enjoying each other's company, I started reflecting a little (as I tend to do). I thought about how content I was with my current relationship. I saw how simple and mellow our little impromptu dinner was and then I went into serious flashback mode.

~Flashback~

I remembered when I dated this guy. I was 19 at the time and he was like 26, 27. I was in love with him and gave him anything he wanted. We had sex EVERY day. I picked him up (from his mama's house) in my broke down Ford Contour (until it completely died - and then I'd pick him up in my little Mercury Tracer). I laughed at his bad jokes. I spent my campus dollars, buying him food. We'd argue over retarded 'ish that is hard for me to even begin to explain (or admit) now. He told me that he didn't love me and I really believed that I could convince him he did (by being a better girlfriend).

Then I thought about another relationship where I convinced myself that I was a "friend with benefits" just so that I could be a part of that person's life. Even if we weren't really together, I hoped that maybe one day this person would see how wonderful I was and realize that I was "the woman of his dreams." I remember spending my money and time thinking that there would be a payoff (or the sex - which was absolutely terrible - would get better). At one point, I remember driving up to a Blockbuster Video on a particularly snowy day (to drop off a movie) with the guy in my car. And when we pulled up to the drop box, which was right next to his side of the car, he didn't even budge to get out and drop it in the box. These are all things that I couldn't even imagine putting up with now.

~Back to the bar~

I started to laugh. My man-friend was looking at me and trying to figure out what was so funny. I explained to him that the guys that I used to date would absolutely HATE MY FREAKING GUTS now and we both started laughing. Needless to say, he knew exactly what I was talking about. Back in the day, I was any guy's dream-come-true. Naive, moldable, overly-sweet, in excellent physical shape (which I need to get back to), sexual and willing to take on any challenge in a relationship.

Nowadays, not so much. The same guys that I dated would probably think I was the biggest bitch in heels today. (No pun intended on the "big" part. I've gained some weight, but to the naked eye, I still look "in shape" lol) I haven't had to deal with bull-crap in a long time and I am curious as to how I would respond to it today. I couldn't begin to imagine the dripping sarcasm I would probably have. It makes me chuckle just to think about it.

So, I just sat at my little table with my man-friend, chomping on nachos and talking about life and whatever. And deep inside, I was thanking God for allowing me to gain wisdom and confidence as a person.

Just a little peek into my history

If Helping Haiti is Wrong . . . I Don't Wanna Be Right!

"On any given day, the one thing you can always count on every time you step foot outside of your home is to have to listen to someone saying something really STUPID." -- My twin sister

She sounds so negative, doesn't she? LOL (But I promise you, she's not. She's just really really blunt and I think this is one of the funniest quotes I've ever heard from her outside of the time we went for a walk early one day and she's tipping her hat to some drunkards out on their porches with "Drunk in the mernin to ye!") Either way, I think about my sister's quote when I step outside of the house and it takes the edge off of some of the things that people say.

Onto the topic at hand. I watched this video on Black Fire, White Fire last week (another blog that I absolutely love).

If you don't feel like watching the video, it's a clip of crazy-butt Keith Olbermann laying out who else but Rush Limbaugh for some ignorant stuff he said and Pat Robertson - who'd said that the earthquake in Haiti was God's payback to the Haitian people for selling their souls to the Devil.

Later on while showing the video to a coworker, she made the comment that yes, maybe it is "those people's" fault that they have been hit by a devastating earthquake and yes, maybe they did indeed sell their souls to the devil in the 19th century. And yes, maybe God is punishing them for that.

Now, I work in media and since this tragedy struck, I have had the misfortune of having to look at hours and hours of footage showing bloody and homeless men, women and children as well as piles and piles of dead bodies (all up close). I am not lying when I tell you that the instant she said that, a blood vessel in my brain must have popped, because I had a migraine for like two straight days afterward.

I asked the girl "if this is divine judgement, then what about the Haitian people who have immigrated to other countries? Does moving to another country mean that they are instantly excused from their sin of selling their soul to the devil?"

She said that she didn't know.

I then asked her "if God wanted all of these people to die, then wouldn't our efforts to try to help them go against his wishes?"

"Oh, of course not!" she said.

At the end of the conversation she gave the answer that I was waiting for . . . . God works in mysterious ways. Ding! Ding! Ding! And there we have it folks!!! As Chris Rock would say, That train is NEVER late!!!

Anyway, this ordeal along with so many other human tragedies has given me yet another reason to reflect on how blessed I am to be born in this country and to live the priveliged life that I have lived. Seeing the victims of that earthquake (who look like people that I know and see every day) living in the streets and having to survive under the worst conditions allows me to know that there is no law that says I have to live a pampered life. I can't afford to take every day for granted or think that it's just "those people"who will experience pain, or try to justify someone else's tragedy by saying that they "deserved it." The only thing I can do is to pray for them and try to help them with hopes that others would do the same for me and mine if - God forbid - a tragedy of that magnitude were to affect me. (Ecc. 9:11 . . . if you don't know it, look it up!)


Either way, if you want to donate generic medical supplies (like bandages, alcohol, aspirin) to Haiti, here is an address along with a list of things that are needed. I chose to post this specific website because personally I like to send supplies as opposed to money (I'm paranoid that way).

Medical Supplies for Haiti

That's it yall! Have a great day. :-)

The Land Before Time

Last night, I had the pleasure of getting together with my extended family and having a big party with food, gifts and games. Being around my teenaged cousins, however reminded me and my sisters of how old we're getting. This in turn, lead to a conversation about computers back in the day. Like remember when there was just typewriters?

And then word processors came out and that was like "the bomb"? LOL

And then, the next thing you know your classroom got a computer and it was like a HUGE freaking deal? And it looked like this?

And it sat in the back of the classroom and everyone had to take turns using that one computer? And if you wanted to play a game you had to use a floppy disk and it looked like this?

And it was like 8 1/2 inches? And remember the monitor with the big black or blue screen that looked like this?

Or this?

Or this?

And in order to get your computer to start working you had to type "boot up" or "Windows a/:" or something like that?

And remember when the "mouse" came out? And you were like, "Look I'm moving the little arrow on the screen! Wooow!"

Yeah, you know you remember! lol Sometimes I wonder if I'm really that old or did I just attend a school that was really "behind the times." Probably a little bit of both. Either way, thank goodness for modern technology.

First Post of the Year

Awwwww yeah Baby!!!! It's my official first post of the month/year/decade and guess what I'm going to write about? That's right, my New Years resolutions. Now of course, first I have to give the self righteous "I really don't do New Years resolutions and really just try to live my life the best I can each and every day, blah, blah, blah" disclaimer so I can feel better about myself and then we can get started, shalln't we?

1. Matching bra and panty sets errday - Oh yes! Errrrday. I haven't worn a set of underwear that matches since . . . . since . . . (crickets, crickets) . . . let's just say it's been a minute. Also, my manfriend is especially a fan of this resolution and has even pitched in by taking me straight to Victoria's Secret and hooking me up with some brasierres. This resolution was inspired by my need to buy bras (since I found out that all this time I'd been wearing a C cup when I was a double D cup. Did yall hear that? Throw some D's on that b****!) At the end of the day, I need to feel sexy and it's hard to do that when your panties can double as a hammock and your bra is one thread away from snapping and popping you in the eye. So out with the old, holy, tent-sized, pastel colored, grandma draws and no-lifting bras and in with the V-secret body contoured, sleek and smooth, sexeh-ladeh undies.

2. No swearing, no sexing - I am trying my hardest to have a swear-free, sex-free year. So far I have failed on the swear-free year, but the sex sabbatical might actually go down. Especially with me going off to Japan. My poor man-friend is probably not feeling this one (especially with my new undies) but it's something I have to do for spiritual purposes, ya know? He'll live. Funny thing is that at this very second, CNN is running a story on why it's important to have sex frequently. Guess I'll be losing out on those benefits this year . . . *sigh* . . . this will be a hard one (no pun intended). I'm really thinking about investing in an *ahem* . . . helper, if you know what I mean. We'll see how that works out. And that's all I have to say about that.

3. Lose Mad Weight - I am getting chubby. And I don't like it. My body has never been one where the pounds go straight to my booty or thighs. Instead they go straight to my gut and breasts and that is not a good look. So I'm trying to eat healthy and heck, maybe

I'll even walk the dog every once in a while too. That could work, right?

4. Change up the Ol' Blog - I need a new look for this place. Basically, when I started this blog I just picked one of the generic selections on Blogger and rolled with it. Found a picture with a soap box on it and rolled with that too. But I want to be creative and give my blog a more personal look, post more pictures within my posts and I'm also thinking about changing the name of my blog to something more personal. Any suggestions, observations or tips would be greatly appreciated (I know absolutely nothing about blog templates or photoshop).

5. Live in the moment - And I don't mean go sky-diving or have a threesome. It's just that I find myself reliving the past or overthinking the future a little more than the average humanoid. It's time for me to focus on what I'm doing, while I'm doing it and severely limit my daydreaming. My constant "mind driftings" are probably why I'm always late for everything, can be absentminded and have a tendency to misplace things. This is an important resolution for the kid.

6. TMI Thursday - (Blog related resolution) I need to be brave and utilize this anonymous blog for all it's worth. A great way to do this would be by alienating my readers with an embarrassing post and participating in a TMI every once in a while. Oooh, I'm getting anxious already. *shivers* But I gotsta get brave and do this at least once.

Well, now that that's out the way. We can get back to our regularly scheduled programming. (This time with a new look and a new name)